Torpedo Run! is an action and dexterity game that was published in 1986 by Milton Bradley as part of their short-lived “Floor Wars” series. This game is vaguely similar to Crossbows and Catapults, but instead of a medieval theme with players facing off as opposing armies, Torpedo Run! takes on a much more modern naval theme. Each player takes the role of a lone attack submarine, with the goal of sinking the opponent’s surface fleet before losing their own.
Rules
The rulebook is only five pages long, and of that only the last page and a half covers how the game is played. All of the rest is devoted to assembly of the ships, with highly-detailed diagrams showing exactly how everything fits together, so there is little to no room for confusion.
The rules themselves are fairly basic. Each player chooses a submarine and a matching fleet (one battleship and three small escort ships), takes a set number of discs (torpedoes), and then heads to either end of the enormous board. Once there, the ships are arranged in predetermined patterns and the submarines are loaded.
Someone says, “Ready…Aim…Fire”, and chaos erupts as both players start shooting simultaneously. Submarines must remain in their designated shooting zone, but can be moved anywhere within that area that a player wishes. When a player runs out of ammo, they gather up discs that are now scattered everywhere in the vicinity, reload their sub, and commence firing. There are no turns or rounds; this is a free-for-all.
The goal is to sink all of the opposing player’s ships by hitting all of the target spots. The first player to do so is the winner.
The rulebook does include two alternate game options: one that involves moving ships around, and one for solo play. Rules are also included for four-player team games, with the extra players acting as “ammo experts”, but all that position entails is picking up the loose discs and giving them to the shooter. While it might save the shooter a few seconds here or there, it’s the functional equivalent of playing a two-player card game with a “teammate” whose sole purpose is to draw cards for you. If you have more than two players, you’re better off just having a round-robin tournament. Anyone sitting out during a round can still collect the loose discs without being assigned to a “team”.
Components
The first thing you notice about this game is the gigantic box. The overall dimensions are a whopping 35” x 17” x 2 ½” (inches). Certain game companies, particularly Fantasy Flight, are known for making games with large boxes, but even the largest of those are dwarfed by Torpedo Run!. I have never seen any other board game come in a box even close to this big. What makes it even more impressive is that this was a mass-market game, not a limited run game or an oversized special edition version of an existing game.
It definitely would have been an eye-catcher sitting on the shelf in the games section of a local retailer, and that alone probably sold numerous copies, but I can’t help but wonder if the sheer size also lead to the downfall of the “Floor Wars” series. Milton Bradley likely had to pay a premium for taking up shelf space that could easily have held two or three smaller games. Plus, parents had a built-in excuse for not buying it for their disappointed children – it was too big to fit into the car and/or the child’s room (even if it wasn’t).
The sole reason for having such a large box is to hold the even more humungous board. It folded in two places, which made it nearly three times as large as the box when laid flat. With overall dimensions of 46 ½” x 34 ½” (inches), it’s obvious why they called this “Floor Wars” – few household tables would have any hope of holding it, so the floor is the best place for it.
The top side of the board was colored blue to look like the open ocean, and was covered with large, white gridlines (spaced just under 4” apart) to assist with placing the ships and to provide spaces to move into if you used that variation. Near each end was a thick white line that marked the limit of where players could move their submarines. They could shoot from anywhere behind the line, but could never cross it. Adding to the nautical theme is large compass rose in the center and a series of semaphores printed along both sides. I’m not familiar with their translations so I can only guess at their meanings, but based on how they are arranged they are likely just letters or numbers arranged in ascending/descending order.
Unfortunately, the cardboard used for the board was much too thin for its size, so warping quickly became a serious problem. Especially problematic was the warping that occurred near the folds, because not only did it cause the seams to split apart, it would also cause the discs to go flying up in the air and right over the top of the target ships. With a poorly-aimed (or well-aimed?) shot, you could even hit your opponent in the face. Initially, the warping could be played off as waves deflecting the torpedoes, but that only worked for a short time before the game became unplayable. Fortunately, you don’t need the board at all. Any decent-sized table or floor space will work as long as long as it is flat, smooth, and doesn’t have any major seams or cracks that would deflect the discs. A strip of masking tape can be used to mark the lines that submarines cannot cross, and the ships can be placed however you like just as long as the setup is approximately the same for both players. As an added bonus, without the board the entire game will easily fit into an average shoebox or similar-sized container with plenty of room to spare, which makes it infinitely more portable.
The ships and submarines are made of plastic and come in two colors, dark gray and tan. The smaller ships (5 1/2 inches long) each have one target slot at the bottom, while the battleships (14 1/2 inches long) have five each. On the top of the ships above each slot is a hole, into which fits the pieces that get blown off when a torpedo disc hits the corresponding slot at the bottom. The mechanism for launching the pieces is remarkably simple. Pushing the piece into the hole puts tension on a small rubber band, which in turn provides just enough force to hold a clip on the base of the piece against a small ledge. When a disc is fired into the target slot it bumps the base of the piece, pushes it off the ledge, and then the rubber band catapults the piece into the air. The “exploding” pieces create an excellent visual effect, and provide a nice instant reward for a well-aimed shot. They usually work correctly, but sometimes a piece will get snagged on the rubber band or it won’t get hit hard enough, so the piece only lifts up slightly instead of launching or it doesn’t trigger at all. While the former is usually easy to spot with a simple inspection of the ship, the latter can be frustrating because having one disc lodged in the target slot will almost always prevent others from entering it enough to actually trigger a hit. As the rubber bands get old you will sometimes see the same effect even when it does trigger properly. The game did come with a few spares, but at some point you’ll probably have to go shopping for more of the proper size. Craft stores and hobby shops are a good place to look, but resist the temptation to buy rubber bands that are significantly stronger than what came with the game. Although seeing pieces fly up and hit the ceiling, an overhead fan, or even a bystander can be good for some laughs, it can also quickly result in lost or broken pieces as they fly out of sight or come crashing back down on the floor.
The submarines are essentially just disc launchers. On top is a large round chute to hold extra ammo, and on the bottom is an opening where the shots come out. The firing mechanism is a simple rubber band powered slider; pull it back, take aim, and release to shoot. They work correctly most of the time, but since they are just molded plastic and not finely-machined parts they do have a tendency to backfire, especially at high rates of fire. It’s usually easy to fix by pressing the slider parts back together and reloading the sub, but it wastes precious time if you’re running low on ships and your opponent has a good aim.
The discs are made of hard, red plastic, and are slightly smaller than two pennies stacked on top of each other. The box shows 36 in the component list, but my copy is short a few. That’s no surprise considering how quickly they can get scattered (and lost) around the room during a game, plus the fact that this game is over 20 years old.
Gameplay
Games of Torpedo Run! play fast and furious. It rarely takes more than a few minutes even if players are aiming their shots carefully, but could be over in as little as thirty seconds with some practice. You often spend more time picking up all the little bits and pieces that have been scattered throughout the room than actually playing, but that time can be reduced significantly if you have a few other people around to catch them before they get too far away or slide underneath nearby furniture and appliances.
After a few plays, players will become more proficient at aiming their subs and could reach a point where upwards of 50% of their shots will be hits. That might seem like it would take the fun out of the game, but it really just increases the tension because every shot becomes that much more important. It also leads to some interesting anti-sub warfare. If you see your opponent lining up a shot and you time a shot of your own just right, you can actually block or deflect it. It usually happens by accident the first time, but with practice it becomes a viable tactic. A variation on that is to attack the enemy sub directly. You have a moving target, but if you do manage to get a shot into the sub itself it will be all-but-guaranteed to interfere with the next shot it takes, and might even cause a backfire!
Conclusion
Overall, Torpedo Run! is a fun action/dexterity game that can be enjoyed by both kids and adults. There isn’t much depth to be found here despite the presence of submarines (sorry, bad pun) and the best “strategy” is to have a better aim than your opponent, but it plays quickly enough that you can easily pull it out and play a few rounds in between other games or any time you’ve got a few minutes of free time to kill.
I had a lot of fun with this game when I was younger, and I’d really love to rate it much higher, but even the incredible satisfaction you get from seeing a ship “explode” with a direct hit plus the nostalgia bump can’t make up for the poor-quality board, the occasional malfunctions, or the fact that there are so many other games out there (filler or otherwise) that are just plain better.
Hardcore gamers will probably want to look elsewhere, but if anyone else happens to run across an inexpensive copy of this somewhere it’s still well worth getting even to try it out just once.
Rating: 6.5
Posted Wed Jul 23,2008 01:40 am
