Years ago, I was a BIG fan of the writings of H.P. Lovecraft. His Cthulhu mythos was fascinating … and down-right horrifying. I still vividly recall some of his tales, and even wrote a college paper on one of them (The Rats in the Walls). Even though it has been years since I’ve ready any of his books, I still have a soft spot for any books, movies or games connected with Lovecraft or his writings.

I recently read a positive review of Cthulthu 500 by Shannon Applecline, a writer whose opinions I value. Armed with a positive review, a race game that sounded similar to Avalon Hill’s Road Kill, and a theme involving the Cthulhu mythos, my resistance was smashed, so I ordered a copy of the game. I brought it to the table at the first opportunity.

Sadly, our experience didn’t come close to the one described by Shannon. Indeed, it was on the opposite end of the spectrum, at least for me. Instead of a fast-paced race game filled with tension and unique events, I discovered a fiddly game, muddled with too many special powers and cards which slowed the game to a crawl. I honestly cannot remember the last time I was so irritated while playing a game.

Designed by Jeff Tidball, creator of Cults Across America, Cthulhu 500 pits up to 8 players in a vicious race for the finish line. This is no ordinary race, however, as the race is set in the chaotic and troubling world created by H.P. Lovecraft. The vehicles themselves are warped hybrids, ranging from the Sport Cthutility vehicle to the Feararri. Many have unique powers or abilities, and all can be further modified by features such as “Blood Slick” tires, bat wings, “treadtacles”, giant tentacles of gripping and crushing, and more. In addition, crew members can be added – zombies, high priests, etc. -- to assist in repairs. Even sponsors can be signed-on, including the ever-popular Arkham House of Chicken and Waffles. Certainly, these cards do add some humorous atmosphere to the game, but the sheer number of these cards and the myriad of special powers and abilities they convey can cause quite a bit of confusion and rules modifications. The end result is a constant series of checking and re-checking, just to determine the effects of all of the cards in play.

The race is actually conducted abstractly, with players lining-up their vehicle cards on the table. There is no track per se, but cars change positions in relation to the other vehicles. The idea here is to “pass” the vehicles in front of you, eventually reaching the front of the line, then looping back to pass the vehicle at the back of the pack. Each time a player successfully accomplishes this, he receives a “lap” stone (not provided in the game). The player with the most lap stones at the conclusion of the race earns the victory and receives the laurels – or whatever it is that is given out at the end of this macabre race.

The race begins with each player being dealt five cards. Players may “bid” for their initial starting position by discarding cards. This, of course, will reduce the initial starting hand of those players who opt to participate in this process.

On a given turn, a player may perform two actions from the following list:

Play an Action card. These generally have the effect of enhancing the player’s vehicle or hindering their opponents vehicles. Adding modifications to one’s car requires the player to expend an action to make a “pit stop”, which allows the trailing player the opportunity to pass that player.

Adding a Pit Crew. Pit Crew members generally assist the player in making repairs to his vehicle. Some also provide additional benefits, or actually can hinder an opponent if played to that player’s crew.

Making a Passing Attempt. This is truly the heart of the game. It is all about “position”. In order to pass a car, the player must make a “passing attempt”. This involves the two involved players adding all of the modifiers on their vehicles, including modifications, pit crew (where appropriate), tires, drivers and event cards played, and adding or subtracting this from a die roll. Each player rolls a die, adds or subtracts the modifiers, and determines the result. Generally, if the player attempting the pass has a higher value, he is successful and switches positions with the car he was attempting to pass. If the result is a tie, however, both vehicles are damaged, and their vehicle cards are flipped to their “damaged” side. This usually hinders the vehicle and can have further consequences on subsequent passing attempts.

This is where things get even more confusing and tedious. There are rules relating to the passing of vehicles IF one or the other car is already damaged. These rules are not difficult, but they differ with each situation. We found it difficult to commit these rules to memory, so were forced to consult the rules every time these situations arose. Tedious and fiddly.

Making a Pit Stop. Players will pit stop in order to add items to their vehicle: tires, a driver, or modifications, as well as to attempt to repair damage. As mentioned, this allows the vehicle who is immediately behind to make a passing attempt. So, pitting is not without its risk.

Each vehicle can possess one driver, one set of tires and up to two modifications. This helps create a unique car and various combinations can be powerful. Since all of these modifications must be considered when passing or being passed, it does require players to constantly check and re-check the current values of each car. This, too, grows tedious, as the cards are not easily read from across the table.

Once a player completes his two actions, he may discard any number of cards and draw up to two new cards. The hand limit is normally five, so if a player uses a number of cards on a turn, he may be short-handed for a turn or two.

Play continues in this fashion until the draw pile is exhausted. At this point, the “checkered flag” card is shuffled with the discards to form a new deck. When the checkered flag card surfaces, the race ends immediately and the player with the most lap counters is victorious. Ties are broken in favor of the player who is currently ahead in the line of cars.

So why didn’t I like the game? I’ve already mentioned the major reasons: fiddly and tedious. There are so many cards laid on the table, and each one is filled with text and information. Each time a player wishes to make a passing attempt, all of these cards must be re-read to determine their possible effects on the attempt. The rules suggest that each player use a die or counter to indicate the cumulative modifier of their vehicle, and this does help a bit. However, cards change rapidly, and often there are additional effects on the cards, so re-reading these cards is usually necessary. This grows very, very tedious.
Ditto for the constant series of dice rolls for passing attempts. Rolling and more rolling.

Each and every player’s turn, we had to go through this process, which often resulted in repeated consultations with the rules. I had to explain over and over and over again the correct procedures. My frustration and irritation increased markedly as the game progressed. I simply did not have fun.

The same sort of thing has been done before in other games, including Roadkill and GMT’s Formula Motor Racing. Although Roadkill was very rules-heavy in the great Avalon Hill tradition, the game wasn’t really all that difficult and was much more fun to play. Formula Motor Racing was much, much lighter than Roadkill, but still lots of fun to play. I’d pick both of these in an instant over Cthulhu 500. This is truly a shame, as the game truly held such promise.