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Phirax's Magical Box of Hot

Someone needed to tell this story...

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We are Hegemonic! Resistance is futile, prepare to be exhilarated!

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Keats and Yeats are on your side, but you lose... because Wilde is on mine.
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Note: A certain designer's name has been left out of this post to protect him from having to explain this blog to business colleagues or in case non-gamer friends or family members come across this in a Google search.

Dear Minion Games,

As there are only a few days left in the Hegemonic Kickstarter campaign I thought I would write you this open letter to complain about the one glaring flaw of your Kickstarter campaign. That's right, I'm talking about the design of Mezmorki, the creator of Hegemonic.


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Wed Jan 30, 2013 12:16 pm
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'Twas the Night Before BGG Christmas

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'Twas the night before Christmas on Phirax's blog,
The pictures you'll like but the text is a slog.
A tale of new board games and board-gamey peoples,
Of dices and cards and thematic meeples.

In Phirax's house our tale shall unfold,
A morality warning for young and for old.
Our hero (that's me!) all snug in his bed,
But Arkham-like thoughts have filled him with dread.

For 'morrow is Christmas, his favoritest day,
New games he desires to open and play.
But what of that warning RE: Nice and the Naughty,
At which he had sneered so dismissive and haughty.

His blog was a nightmare, all japes and some jibe,
No serious prose, just snarky and snide.
But what would he do if Santa decided,
His house to bypass, leaving him chided.



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Mon Dec 24, 2012 2:40 am
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Kate Bush (1981) v. Worker Placement Games (2012)

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Keats and Yeats are on your side, but you lose... because Wilde is on mine.
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I need to work out some issues...


Kate v. Lightly Themed, Medium Weight Games


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Sat Dec 1, 2012 3:23 pm
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The Banning of Michael Barnes: A BGG Summer Musical

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Keats and Yeats are on your side, but you lose... because Wilde is on mine.
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The real story can finally be told...


PROLOGUE

March, 2007. The board game community is slowly waking from a long winter of discontent.
Frustration over the seemingly endless output of stale, lifeless board games that simply rehash
the previous year's top mechanics has led to open revolt on the streets of the board game
world. It is a time for passion, a time for love, a time for sheeples. It is a...



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Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:44 pm
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[Voice of Experience] Nightfall Review — Kicking David Gregg in the Chain

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Part 1 — Synopsis for the TL DNR Crowd

This is a review of Nightfall.

Nightfall is a good game.

Nightfall was created by a guy named David Gregg who drew his inspiration from Magic: the Gathering and Dominion. If your card game is going to borrow ideas from other games, M:tG and Dominion are good choices. The influence of these games can be seen throughout Nightfall's design. Gregg put a lot of hard work into creating Nightfall and the passion and care he invested in this game is evident when you take it apart to see how it works. This review attempts to reveal some of the inner workings of Nightfall so that you can have a better appreciation of what the game is about.

This review is mostly pointless. Admiring Gregg's design skills and the game's intricately balanced connections is all well and good but it doesn't tell you much about what it is like to actually play the game. Playing Nightfall is like being thrown into a pit filled with pointy sticks and angry wolves and then discovering that the wolves have developed the uncanny ability to wield pointy sticks. Nightfall is about kicking and cowering and trying to keep the blood out of your eyes so that you can see who just stabbed with their pointy stick. My one main criticism of Nightfall is that it rushes along in a chaotic pace and then all of a sudden the game ends and all the wolves are left counting their wounds. It is at that point that you realize that everyone involved wishes that they were still jabbing each other with pointy sticks. Players never really get a chance to appreciate the beauty that lies beneath the gouged, bloody surface of the game, so I wrote this review to shed some light on Nightfall's design. Oh, and I teach you how to wield a pointy stick.


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Mon May 28, 2012 10:55 pm
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Lords of Bacon: The Edible Deckbuilding Game

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Keats and Yeats are on your side, but you lose... because Wilde is on mine.
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There are 5 steps in every successful Kickstarter campaign. Since I'm way too lazy to actually sign up with Kickstarter, here is my funding campaign for...

Lords of Bacon: The Edible Deck Building Game


Step 1: In the beginning... blah, blah, blah

All Kickstarter campaigns start off with an origin story...

Back when this crazy rollercoaster ride started all I had was a dream, a refrigerator full of bacon, and Klaus Teuber snoring on my couch...
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Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:42 pm
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5 Reasons I Hate Vlaada Chvátil

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Being a Vlaada fan-boy obviously makes you cool and popular with "the ladies," but there is also a darker side that you might not know about. For the sake of full disclosure, here are the top five worst things about idolizing all things Vlaada...

5) Vlaada won't make babies with me

Now I know this one might seem a bit strange, but bear with me for a moment. You see, I'm a gamer. More specifically, I'm a Euro-style board gamer which means that I spend most of my time studying game manuals on this website. To be quite honest I'm not really sure how babies are made, but a member of my game group who knows about these things has told me that the act of making babies is pretty much exactly like playing a session of Space Alert.

Making Babies v. Space Alert

* The hardest part of both is finding someone willing to play
* Both activities feature repetitive, simultaneous actions performed by the players
* The actual fun part takes only a few, hurried minutes to complete
* Then there is a long, drawn out part where everyone involved waits anxiously to see if all the effort resulted in a positive or negative result
* My friend highly recommends playing with three or four players (Two players will work in a bind)

I have only ever played Space Alert solo which is generally not recommended (though I find it quite satisfying). The difficult part is trying to visualize what all the different players are doing, but since I have a rather active imagination it seems to work out okay.

Vlaada, will you please play Space Alert with me? I just bought a new webcam and I have set up the game on my bed so that we have lots of room. We can hook up over video Skype and you can tell me exactly what moves you want me to make. Love you! xxoo

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Wed Feb 1, 2012 7:29 pm
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Geekpocalypse Now: The Spiel Essen Movie

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Notes, disclaimers and warnings:

This document is based on a movie that contained a fair amount of adult language.
That language has been maintained here, so if you are uncomfortable with
profanity, then %&*$#§ you.

Okay, that was a test.

Sorry about that.

But seriously, you may want to %&*$#§ off now before we remove the filters.

This document is a re-imagining of a story with a fair amount of violence.
I have tried to eliminate all the violence from the script because I
realize that my intended audience is a bunch of Europeans who enjoy playing
non-conflict games about farming. If you are one of those people who feels
that Race for the Galaxy has just the right amount of interaction and
conflict, then this story might be a bit too much for you to handle.

This document uses the names of real people who are "celebrities" in the
BoardGameGeek community. Yes, I am aware of how absurd that sounds. I
don't know these people, but if they are included, then you can consider me
a fan. I poke a bit of fun at their public personas in an attempt to
elicit giggles, not to hurt feelings. Any opinions expressed are
superficial and without any real knowledge or understanding of the
underlying subject matter, just like your average UndeadViking game review.

If you are okay with all that, (and you are not an IP lawyer working for
John Milius or Francis Ford Coppola) then I proudly present...


GEEKPOCALYPSE NOW

INTO THE HEART OF DORKNESS

---------------------------------

A SPIEL ESSEN STORY


*************************************************************************

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Tue Oct 18, 2011 2:49 am
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