Anthony BoydellUnited Kingdom
(Once again we find ourselves in the point-of-sale area of a generic FLGS; the counter-top is strewn with WoW booster wrappers, tobacco strands and faded copies of Counter from 2003. There is a huge, I mean HUGE, pile of ‘take one, they’re free!’ Mannequin Pis’s. A punter approaches the FLGS owner, who is behind aforementioned counter wrestling with an inflatable alligator)
Owner: Morning (punching the alligator to the ground)
Punter: Well, what have you got?
Owner: Well, there's Fresco…Fresco and Clans…Pastiche, Fresco and Clans…7 Wonders, Clans, Pastiche, Nightfall, Fresco and Clans…Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Navegador, Fresco and Clans…Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Great Fire of London, Ankh Morpork prototype, 1853 and Clans…or
(Other punters browsing the $10 or less bargain bin turn to the counter and begin singing)
Browsers: Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans…
Owner: Shadd-ap! Shadd-appp!
Browsers: (diminuendo) Clans…clans…clans
Owner: (continuing) or Thunderstone: Dragonspire complimented by Furstenfeld, Twilight Struggle and El Grande packaged with Notre Dame, Through The Ages, Alhambra and topped off with Adlungland and Clans.
Punter: Have you got anything without Clans?
Owner: There’s 7 Wonders, Clans, Pastiche, Nightfall, Fresco and Clans…that’s not got much Clans in it
Punter: I don’t like Clans!
Owner: Why don’t you have Troyes, Glory To Rome, Clans and Erosion
Punter: That’s got Clans in it
Owner: Not as much as 7 Wonders, Clans, Pastiche, Nightfall, Fresco and Clans
Punter: Couldn't you do me Troyes, Glory To Rome, Clans and Erosion without the Clans?
Owner: (dry retching) Eurgghhh!
Punter: What do you mean: "Eurgghhh!"! I DON'T LIKE CLANS!
Browsers: (starting up again) LOVER-LY CLANS, WONDERFUL CLANS ETC
Owner: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Bloody browsers! You can't have Troyes, Glory To Rome, Clans and Erosion without the Clans
Punter: I DON'T LIKE CLANS!
Shelf-Stocker: (overhearing, stepping up to the counter) Shhh, love, don’t cause a fuss - I’ll have your Clans – I love it (especially the cute little huts)…I’m having Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Merchants & Marauders, Clans, Clans, Clans and Clans!
Browsers: LOVELY CLANS, WONDERFUL CLANS etc
Owner: Shaddap! Shaddap! (to the shelf-stocker) Sold out of Merchants & Marauders…
Shelf-Stocker: Can I have her (pointing to the punter) Clans instead?
Owner: You mean you want Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans, Clans and Clans?
(starts the Browsers off again)
Browsers: LOVELY CLANS, WONDERFUL CLANS…CLANS, CLANS, CLANS, CLANS…
(in harmony, repeat to fade)