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Anthony Boydell
United Kingdom
Unspecified
Unspecified
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Mother,
Let the bunting be unfurled, let joy be unconfined! It transpires that Smudge has NOT been distributed over a large area of No Mans Land in a variety of easy-to-collect gristle-y parcels but was actually away on Top Secret duties for the Field Marshal. It also transpires that Smudge is not the top-drawer, rugby-playing, elephant-balled, roister-doister of a chap that we all thought he was, but is a girl! Yes - Smudge is a Filly! You could've knocked me down with a feather, although Boffo seemed strangely relieved.
Luckily, the case of vintage Port and pre-sucked Harrods humbugs you sent over for Easter (gratefully received, as ever) helped us to overcome the initial shock!
I had returned from a rather uncomfortable appointment at the Field Hospital (no Banjo for me until Whitsun!) to find Boffo and Jobbers setting about re-painting the Trench with the prodigal Smudge! Convention dictates a muted brown or, perhaps, whitewash to alert of low beams, but instead they were merrily adorning my dirty cavity with Pastiches of Old Masters! I'm not sure I will ever get used to Manet's Le Déjeuner sur l'herbe above the Ammo store, or the pair of Pollocks'* hanging over my bunk!
Once Boffo had wiped up the sticky residue, Smudge regaled us with tales of life in the Women's Auxillary Balloon Corps. This stood her in good stead for our next game: Airships, at which she had no trouble (comprehensively) trouncing us. A new game to all bar myself, Jobbers had particular difficulty in getting his equipment to perform and failed to get one up before it was all over. I got off to a bit of a flyer but stalled mid-game. Boffo complained a lot, but did creditably well for a first poke - and there was a definite glint in his eye as he admired Smudge's impressive dirigibles!
Jobbers gave the order to go 'Uwe the Top' (Agricola)after riffling through Boffo's box and failing to find anything that remotely interested him. Seating was duly randomized to minimize the effects of a constant, low level whining in the trench. My own strategy involved a lot of card playing (as usual) - with various 'future food' Minors allowing me to hog 'Start Player' for most of the game - Jobbers (to my immediate left) benefited from this also and capitalized on a solid position by playing Chamberlain and getting 5 or so actions on the rest of us by the time the game finished. Even my extensive collection of bonuses (20+ points - ovens, a cheap Well, the BMW etc) couldn't catch the redoubtable J's impressive erection (49-41-34-32).
The evening closed with a taut Modern Art, an appropriate Art-y bookend to the session with victory shared 'twixt Jobbers and Boffo - tied, as they were, on 452000 each.
Closing with a hearty rendition of God Save The King, we left Boffo and Smudge deep in further conversation about her recent mission: apparently, Boffo often played with his Nanny's big balloons as a child and has been keen to work with zeppelins ever since.
Your loving son,
Antonius
*Yes, I know! The joke doesn't work with 'pair of Gaugins'
BTW here are the answers to yesterdays cryptic quiz - how did you do?
Spoiler (mouseover to reveal): 1. 100m->M83 (RACE FOR THE GALAXY)
2. I-DOM-ON (DOMINION)
3. Vegan road? (anagram of NAVEGADOR)
4. A fairy tale beginning… (ONCE UPON A TIME)
5. You’ll find it in any Caledonian toolbox! (HAMMER OF THE SCOTS)
6. Pluto – at least until recently (SMALL WORLD)
7. W, E, C, P and L? (LETTERS FROM WHITECHAPEL)
8. Aw, screw a nose off (anagram of A FEW ACRES OF SNOW)
9. Game porn? (anagram of PERGAMON)
10. The one before this one had a schizoid man (20TH CENTURY)
11. Maclean, Maclennon, Macleod (CLANS)
12. A conscientious or concerted effort toward an end (ENDEAVOR)
13. A capital game (LONDON)
14. A body of singers? (ACQUIRE)
15. Mates of A.E.G? (anagram AGE OF STEAM)
16. Sounds like a compelling beer (FOR SALE!)
17. B.B.B.B. Sirocco (BEFORE THE WIND)
18. Chess with toilets, colloquially? (A GAME OF THRONES)
19. Open & Honest (UP FRONT)
20. Gods’ Wagon? (Allah Cart...A LA CARTE)
21. Bootsie Collins with wasted iron? (Funk and Slag...FUNKENSCHLAG)
22. CuZn (BRASS)
23. In haste, America! (STEAM)
24. Stop/Go! Red/Green! They’re in the past! (COMMANDS & COLOURS: ANCIENTS)
25. I think I’m gonna be sad… (TICKET TO RIDE)
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