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Patrick Carroll
United States
Carver
Minnesota
"If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly." (GK Chesterton)
"That's how the light gets in." (Leonard Cohen)
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Some people get the idea that I'm defending solitaire in this blog. Since I'm so judgmental about things, it's easy to understand why they'd think that. But from my point of view, I'm not defending; I'm just exploring.
Why do I play games by myself more than with others?
I don't think there's any big mystery to it. It mainly has to do with my personality and social situation.
I'm an introvert, and I was brought up in a pretty small, quiet family. I was also the oldest of two children. And my sister, four years younger, didn't often want to play games. Furthermore, we lived on the opposite coast from almost all our relatives, and we moved every few years. So, I got used to entertaining myself most of the time.
I discovered Patience in my early teens, and that was great in that pre-computer age. Here was a game I could play when alone in my room. What a deal! Not a great game, maybe, but at least a game. A whole set of them, in fact.
I made friends in the neighborhood and in school, so sometimes I'd play games with other people. One friend and I discovered wargaming together, and we stuck with it for a few years--through high school and into college. Then we drifted apart, and I was still hooked on wargames, so I'd buy the ones that interested me and teach them to myself by setting them up and playing a few turns. As time went on, a few turns became a whole game. And then I started buying wargames with the intention of playing them solitaire repeatedly.
In my last year of high school, I'd been in a wargaming club. So I knew there were other gamers around. I could have connected with some if I'd really wanted to. But I guess I didn't consider it worth the effort. Also, I was always learning a new game, and I'd tell myself that maybe later--after I learned it--I'd go looking for someone to play it with.
But no sooner would I learn one game than I'd get interested in a different one and start teaching myself that one. The process of learning wargames got to be an ongoing hobby in itself.
Then the home computer came along. Soon there were lots of games I could play by myself against an AI opponent. That suited me just fine. It was like a dream come true. Others complained that it just wasn't the same as face-to-face play with other people, but with my background I just shrugged that off. I was pretty well used to playing games without other people anyway. The AI at least simulated an opponent, and that was good enough for me. It was also quite convenient.
Next came the Internet. That left me conflicted. Now I had an opportunity to play games with other people online. It was like the old postal games, only faster--even real-time if I wanted that. Well, I explored it. I did some online gaming. Even played in a couple tournaments. And I played a couple PBEM wargames too.
It was all good, but I discovered something about myself: I liked chatting with people online, even during a game, but I was uncomfortable with the tension of playing a game against an online opponent. I didn't want to win because it'd make the other person feel bad; and I sure didn't want to lose. So I kept having to struggle to lighten up and just play. But it never stopped being a struggle.
My wife, also an introvert, experienced something similar. When I told her one day that the game she was playing against a computer AI could be played online with other people, she said, "I've been extroverting all day at work. The last thing I want is more interaction with people. I just want to spend time winding down by myself." I could easily understand that, even though I myself don't do that much extroverting during the work day.
Meanwhile, we used to have friends and coworkers over to play board games. Those generally went well and were enjoyable. I only had two problems with them: (1) the get-togethers were some trouble to organize and arrange, and (2) I was a little dismayed to find that others didn't approach games the way I did. Different people, you know: some played too fast, others too slow; some were highly competitive, others too lax. They were all good friends, though, so it worked. It just wasn't satisfying to me the way my solitaire gaming was.
So, basically there's just nothing quite like spending a couple hours alone in my room with a good game. That may sound weirdly antisocial or reclusive to more socially minded people, but it's the way I am. Whether it's a board game or computer game, I can enjoy it in my own way at my own pace, and that works for me. In computer games or designed-for-solitaire games, the AI makes for some tension--which I have mixed feelings about. When I'm playing both sides of a two-player wargame, it's more like choreographing a battle scene for a movie or something; I'm just pushing pieces around like a kid in a sandbox, experimenting and seeing what happens. Also learning the game so that maybe someday I'll get around to playing it with someone else.
But I suppose the bottom line is that I'm just whiling away some leisure time. I've finished my day's work and chores, and the cats are fed, and my wife's curled up with a good book. So I'm free to do as I please for a while. And nothing pleases me more than a good game.
I could probably find friends to play a game with at times like those. And maybe I should. On odd occasions, I do end up playing a game with my wife or a friend, or with company when people visit. I'm just not outgoing enough to want to reach out to people, especially just for something like playing a game. When it happens, it's nice; when it doesn't, I'm just as happy having some time to myself.
I guess many BGGeeks thrive on competitive gaming, and many others use games mainly as vehicles for social interaction. I can understand those things; they're just not usually for me. What I love about games is mainly the opportunity to explore the artificial game-world--to learn rules and mechanics and experiment with strategy and tactics. If the game has a rich theme, sometimes there's a story I can get involved in too, and then it's a lot like reading a novel or watching a movie. Playing a wargame is a lot like studying military history; a wargame can be like a "living illustration" of a battle or campaign, bringing home the time-motion-force patterns of the event.
If I had a bigger family or a large, active network of friends and acquaintances, I'd probably do a lot more face-to-face gaming. As it is, my lifestyle doesn't lend itself to much of that. But I don't like just sitting back and watching movies or TV or reading novels; I'd rather do something that allows me to make decisions that have consequences. Games are great for that.
I like living a pretty quiet, even-paced life. I like being free of commitments and appointments, able to enjoy hours of unstructured leisure time. I like people, but I don't feel a need to interact with people all the time. When I do, I'd just as soon do it indirectly and from a distance, as I'm doing right now.
Yet at the same time, I can be pretty intense in my approach to games. If I take up chess, for instance, I'll start studying the stack of books I own and putting myself through a strict training program, doing exercises and playing against a computer AI. It's not that I'm practicing for tournament play; it's just that I want to really understand the game, and I feel I can only get that understanding by becoming a better player.
With complex wargames, I'll play over and over, referring to the rules frequently. It's important to me to know how to play the game right, and to know what to do in every situation that comes up. So I work at those things.
I dislike dabbling or playing any game halfheartedly. Even though it's just a hobby, just a diversion, it matters to me. So I give it my all, even though I'm doing it on my own and may never play against anyone else. I do it just for love of the game--because I want a deeper understanding of the game.
People tell me I'm missing out on a key dimension of any game (other than patience/solitaire) by not playing it with others. That's probably true, and occasionally it concerns me a little. But I usually care a lot less about that missing dimension than about the other aspects of the game--and I generally have my hands full with those. Computer chess, for example, does have its limitations, but it's almost always good enough for me. A decent chess software package can more than satisfy any desire I'd ever have in regard to that game. Yeah, the psychological element of playing against another person is missing, but so what? To me, it's like eating apple pie without a slice of cheese; I don't miss the cheese at all.
Why do I play solitaire? Just because of my nature and because it suits my lifestyle. Just because I love games but don't have or want an active network of game-loving friends and acquaintances.
No mystery to it. It's pretty simple and straightforward really.
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