Q: Why does a raccoon want to be a fly?

A: All of the great job benefits. Free food, and you never need to wash it before you eat it.

Q: Why does a bomb always win a fight with Shakespeare?

A: While Shakespeare worried about "To be, or not to be", the bomb justs "be"s... and blows the old poet to smithereens...

Q: Why did a pilot go to heaven while a dolphin went to hell?

A: That was one evil dolphin.

Q: What do a jogger and an undertaker have in common?

A: they both know about the tatto by the joggers waist

Q: Why is an alien afraid of a cat?

A: Its neither a man or a mouse.