Quotations from Rulebooks
Richard Smeltzer
United Kingdom
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A good rulebook lays out the rules of the game in a readable and browsable way. A great rulebook makes it fun.

Everyone feel free to add your own favourite bits.
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1. Board Game: Age of Conan: The Strategy Board Game [Average Rating:6.71 Overall Rank:982]
Christopher Scatliff
Canada
Winnipeg
Manitoba
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"However, if another player's combined value in the chosen category equals or exceeds the Conan player's value, the attempt to crown Conan king fails. Conan mocks the Conan player for failing, capriciously slaying the ruler of the kingdom before disappearing. The Conan player is eliminated from the game and automatically loses."
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2. Board Game: Age of Steam [Average Rating:7.73 Overall Rank:61]
Tracy Cobbs
United States
Decatur
Alabama
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My all-time favorite rulebook quote:

"Money has no value at the end of the game, it was just a tool."

I want that engraved on my tombstone!
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3. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.12 Overall Rank:6]
Kevin
United States
Martville
New York
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Unprocessed animals have no food value
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4. Board Game: Agricola: All Creatures Big and Small [Average Rating:7.59 Overall Rank:102]
Guilherme xD
Brazil
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"Even if you have 2 sheep on one pasture and 2 more on another pasture, you only get one additional sheep, regardless of whatever romantic preconceptions you might have."
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5. Board Game: Akaba [Average Rating:6.49 Overall Rank:3114]
Rick B
United States
Sunnyvale
CA
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Glad they thought of a variant for those 100 and over.
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6. Board Game: Aliens [Average Rating:7.21 Overall Rank:1236]
Greg Forster
United States
Oconomowoc
Wisconsin
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When determining whether a marine firing on an alien has a clear line of sight:

Quote:
Common sense should be used in applying this rule; if there is a reasonable doubt as to how to apply it in a particular case, feel free to decide in the Marine's favor. (After all, you paid for this game; let the Aliens fend for themselves.)


Optional "Petty Revenge Scenario":

Quote:
This Scenario has been designed specifically for players who have lost once too often. To play, set up the Reactor Room Scenario normally. The following change is in effect.

It is assumed that Gorman has enough brains to pull the Marines out of the Reactor Room as soon as there is obviously danger. Because of this, the Marines get 8 free turns of movement to run for the door before the first Alien drop.

After the last Marine has left the Reactor Room, the second part of the Scenario begins. Gorman has the Marines roll nerve gas into the lair. The results of this are unknown, however, and have no affect on play. After a period of consideration (and extensive argument between Burke and Ripley) Gorman decides that there is only one good solution. He has the entire Squad fly back to the Sulaco, and nukes the site from orbit. The Player should roll the die; this is the number of nuclear weapons which strike the Colony. 0's should be treated in the same way as Bonus Bugs; re-roll the die, and roll an extra one. No matter how many nuclear weapons hit, the Player wins.

Well, we said it was petty.


Emphasis added. And in the escape from the conference room they tell you that you should actually conduct the combat between the unarmed Burke and the alien who grabs him (in the suitably named Let's Eat Burke Room), making all the combat rolls, even though only one ultimate result is possible.
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7. Board Game: Ambush! [Average Rating:7.31 Overall Rank:491]
David Bush
United States
Shipman
Virginia
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Not technically part of the rules, this solo game has a paragraph booklet which describes the German actions, to be referenced only as needed. A dutiful grognard might never see some of these paragraphs, wherein you meet Madame Bovary, or fall in love with a French girl. Sorry I don't have the booklet at hand.
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8. Board Game: Aquaretto [Average Rating:7.07 Overall Rank:551] [Average Rating:7.07 Unranked]
Daniel Hadlock
United States
Roy
Utah
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Always in the mood for a bad pun...

Overview:
"Each player is the owner of a water zoo. Each player tries to LURE as many visitors as possible into his water zoo..."

shake
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9. Board Game: Attika [Average Rating:7.04 Overall Rank:394]
Danilo
Brazil
Águas Claras
Brasilia / DF
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Rulebook ("End of game" section):

The game ends immediately when a player wins.
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10. Board Game: Automobile [Average Rating:7.41 Overall Rank:195]
jose silva
United States
Glenshaw
Pennsylvania
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on the end of the rule book, at the designer's notes: " The game is all about making money, you either have the talent to do that or you're a teacher"
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11. Board Game: Battle of the Halji [Average Rating:5.33 Overall Rank:9237]
Greg Wilson
United Kingdom
Bristol
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A very odd game with a very idiosyncratic rulebook that spoke directly to you. Although 'speak' isn't quite the right word. Insult and threaten are closer to the mark. Click the image to read the front page, which sets the tone nicely.

Quote:
So! You dare to break the seal. I see you have taken no precautions. The wrapping is on the floor. I feel your naked finger upon my page. YOU ARE A FOOL. If this were Thross I would devour you.


The rest of these are paraphrased from memory, sadly, as I had a copy but can't find it. It's possible it went astray in one of the house moves.

Quote:
You win by becoming the Supreme Halji. You ask me how? Think! How can you claim to be the Supreme Halji when there are others who will do so? Yes. You must destroy the other Halji.


Quote:
Q: Can I appeal to the Halji to reroll failing an appeal to the Halji?

A: Are you really so stupid as to think this is possible?


Quote:
Q: But I only have two dice!

A: That isn't a question. Besides, just roll the dice, remember the total, and then roll them again as necessary. You can remember a simple number, can't you?


Quote:
[Sapius] is rather a pathetic Cretoid. I wonder who it reminds me of.


If anyone has a copy of the rulebook to this, please consider scanning it. It'd be a shame if this were lost to posterity.
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12. Board Game: Battlestar Galactica: Pegasus Expansion [Average Rating:7.79 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.79 Unranked]
Noel Yap
Philippines
Pasig City
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"Being executed is extremely unpleasant and should be avoided at all costs."
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13. Board Game: Bootleggers [Average Rating:6.70 Overall Rank:824]
Yours Truly,
United States
Raleigh
North Carolina
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There must have been a moment at the beginning, where we could have said no. Somehow we missed it. Well, we'll know better next time.
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All Mobsters may negotiate openly, but no deals are binding! Reneging on any deal reached through table talk is legal (and encouraged…”You lookin’ for a game where opponents don’t double-cross each other? Find a game about nuns. This one’s about Mobsters.”)
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14. Board Game: Bunny Bunny Moose Moose [Average Rating:6.28 Overall Rank:2493]
The root of all evil... but you can call me cookie.
United States
Gainesville
Florida
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Lest we forget.
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15. Board Game: Bus [Average Rating:6.81 Overall Rank:1492]
john guthrie
United States
silver spring
maryland
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dunno if it's in the original german, but the translation offered here on BGG has this:

Quote:
Sometimes, something unexpected happens: time comes to a stand-still, and all of a sudden the demand for transportation is completely different... but you cannot let this happen too often, as the time-space continuum will rupture and the universe will collapse, thus ending the game.
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16. Board Game: Castle Panic [Average Rating:6.74 Overall Rank:622]
Danilo
Brazil
Águas Claras
Brasilia / DF
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Rulebook (page 5):

If there is still a tie, Fireside Games recommends players arrange for a duel of swords at dawn . . .

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17. Board Game: The Castles of Burgundy [Average Rating:8.08 Overall Rank:9]
Joshua Gottesman
United States
Las Vegas
Nevada
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On page 4, under THE FIVE GAME ROUNDS, 4th paragraph.

Quote:
The start player starts
.


Wow...glad you cleared that one up for me. I figured it was the 2nd or 3rd player who starts.
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18. Board Game: Catan [Average Rating:7.35 Overall Rank:165]
James Pinnion
United Kingdom
Peterborough
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I'm struggling to find the quote - but I've seen rules state that at the end of the game, everyone needs to hail the person with ten (or more!) VPs as the "Lord of Catan" or somesuch.
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19. Board Game: Chang Cheng [Average Rating:6.21 Overall Rank:2157]
Steve F
United States
wilmington
North Carolina
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This intro always makes me laugh.

Dress the clothes of one of the 4 officers of the emperor and try to increase your reputation to his eyes.
Build parts of the great wall trying to defend the Chinese provinces and competing with the other players to gain the reputation that comes from protecting the most important ones.
All players have the same opportunities and the final victory depends exclusively on you!
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20. Board Game: Combat Commander: Europe [Average Rating:7.94 Overall Rank:51]
Aaron Morgan
United States
Sacramento
California
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"It can sometimes be advantageous to overstack when advancing into a Melee situation in order to have a better chance of winning it (or as Ambush InsuranceTM)..."
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21. Board Game: Credo [Average Rating:5.76 Overall Rank:6445]
Russ Williams
Poland
Wrocław
Dolny Śląsk
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At the end of this game about early church officials deciding which articles of faith shall become official doctrine in committee-style voting and negotiation,

"All players then solemnly intone the Creed."

My old gaming group used to enjoy solemnly intoning the Creed.
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22. Board Game: Cyclades [Average Rating:7.53 Overall Rank:103]
Christian Heckmann
Germany
Mainz
Rheinland Pfalz
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"Even though the number of GP each player has must be kept secret during the game, it is forbidden to make an offering you can't afford! The God's wrath would be terrible!"
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23. Board Game: Defenders of the Realm [Average Rating:7.43 Overall Rank:229]
Onion Knight
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"The most aggressive player... You all know who that is! goes first, and play moves clockwise around the table."

In my group, yes. Yes we do.

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24. Board Game: Devil Bunny Needs a Ham [Average Rating:5.39 Overall Rank:10608]
Stephen McNeil
Canada
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"You are a cadre of wily sous-chefs, trying to scale a very tall building. Devil Bunny is enthusiastically preventing you from reaching the top because he needs a ham, and because he erroneously believes that this will help him."
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25. Board Game: Dragon Pass [Average Rating:6.72 Overall Rank:2316]
Wulf Corbett
Scotland
Shotts
Lanarkshire
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On the subject of determining if a unit is real, or one of the number of dummies supplied in the game...
Quote:
The Puppeteers and four blank counters are placed in a cup. {Warning: use a clean and dry cup. Your opponent gains a significant psychological advantage if you drop the counters into a cup full of coffee.)
The same or similar rule has appeared in quite a few games, but this is the first one I saw.
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