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Love, Sex & Marriage - A Geek's journey...
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As any male boardgame geek knows, the game called Relationships is a hard one to win. I hope some of you find this geeklist amusing.
WARNING: Some Adult content!
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1. Board Game: The Dating Game [Average Rating:5.00 Unranked]
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I was 18 and about to go on my first date. I was somewhat nervous about what to talk about so I asked my father for advice.

My father replied: "Wayne, there are three subjects that always work. These are fun, family, and philosophy."

With this advice in mind I picked up my date and took her to see a movie. After the movie we stopped at a nice little coffee shop. Coffees in front of us, we stared at each other for a long time. My nervousness started to build.

I remembered my father's advice, and chose the first topic.

I asked the girl: "Do you like to play boardgames?"

"No." she said, and the silence returned.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, I thought of my father's suggestion and turned to the second item on the list.

"Do you have a brother?" I asked.

Again, the girl said "No" and there was silence once again.

I then played my last card. I thought of my father's advice and asked the girl the following question.

"If you had a brother, would he like to play boardgames?"


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2. Board Game: Blind Date [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
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Not long after that I went on a blind date arranged for me by one of the guys in my game group. I'd seen the girl a couple of times before at gaming conventions but had never summoned up the courage to speak to her. Hey, she was very pretty and I was a little shy.

My friend thought himself a bit of a matchmaker and had arranged for the girl and I to meet at an amusement park.

We first went for a ride on the ferris wheel. After the ride she seemed rather bored.

"What would you like to do next?" I asked.

"I wanna be weighed," she said.

So I took her over to the weight guesser.

"58 kilograms," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right.

Next we rode the roller coaster. After that, I bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then I asked what else she would like to do.

"I wanna be weighed," she said.

My friend had certainly set me up with a weird one, I thought, so using the excuse I had developed a headache, I took the girl home.

When we arrived at her house, the girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"

"Wousy," said the girl.

I could have kicked myself.


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3. Board Game: An Evening of Murder: Last Kiss [Average Rating:5.67 Unranked]
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I came home early from a date one evening while still living at home with my parents.

My father took one look at me and said, "Didn't you follow my advice about kissing your girlfriend when she least expects it?"

"Oh hell!" I replied, holding my swollen eye, "I thought you said 'where'!"


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4. Board Game: Magic: The Gathering [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:120]
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I was starting to develop some confidence around girls. Being a boardgame geek, my pick-up lines were relative to my hobby.
Spotting a gorgeous girl in a bar I’d walk up to her and say, "You want to play 'Magic'?"
She’d say, "What's that?"
I’d say, "We go to my house and f*ck, and then you disappear."
How’d the line work? Let’s just say I’ve never, ever, logged any plays of Magic on BoardGameGeek.

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5. Board Game: Cheater [Average Rating:4.08 Overall Rank:10875]
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In my early 20’s I’d moved out of home and was living with a girlfriend. Unfortunately, she didn’t like boardgames and when she did play them, she cheated.
One night around midnight my girlfriend and I are asleep in bed when suddenly the phone rings.
I pick up the phone and say, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and then slam the phone down.
My girlfriend rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
I reply, "I don't know, it was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
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6. Board Game: The Bride Game [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
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Years later, I’d finally met the woman of my dreams. At our wedding, as she was walking down the aisle and I was waiting for her, I overheard my cousin's little boy say to his mother, "Mummy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mum replied, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thought about this, and then said, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

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7. Board Game: The Honeymooners Game [Average Rating:3.79 Unranked]
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On the night of our honeymoon, I had an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of my left foot. My wife, unable to control her grief, called her mother from the hospital.
"Mum", she sobbed, "Wayne has only one foot."
Her Mum, trying to console her said, "That's alright dear, your father has only six inches."

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8. Board Game: The Newlywed Game [Average Rating:4.73 Overall Rank:10598]
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We’d only been married a couple of months when my wife and I awoke early one morning. I went downstairs to the game room to read the rules of my latest boardgame purchase. After about 30 minutes of intently studying the rules I was feeling a little hungry.

"When’s breakfast ready, Honey?" I called out.

My wife replied, "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart, breakfast will be ready."

Wow, what a wife! I eagerly raced upstairs.

"Great! What are we having for breakfast?" I asked.

"Toast and juice," she replied.
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9. Board Game: Who's Having This Baby Anyway? [Average Rating:4.80 Unranked]
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Not long after we were married I arrived home from a gaming session and my wife said to me, "I have great news for you! Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two!"

I started smiling with happiness and kissing my wife said, "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world!"

She replied, "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother is coming to stay with us."

 
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10. Board Game: Hospital Hilarity [Average Rating:3.50 Unranked]
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I remember when my wife was about to give birth to our first daughter.

We were at home in the middle of a game of Carcassonne when things started to happen. I called the hospital and spoke frantically to a doctor, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queried.

"No, you idiot!" I shouted. "This is her *husband*!"


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11. Board Game: The Big Fight [Average Rating:6.64 Unranked]
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I left work one Friday afternoon. There was a boardgame convention starting that evening, so instead of going home, I stayed out the entire weekend gaming with my buddies.

When I finally appeared at home on Sunday night, I was confronted by my angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting my actions.

Finally, my wife stopped the nagging and said to me, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

"That would be fine with me", I replied.

Monday went by and I didn't see my wife. Tuesday came and went with the same results. But on Wednesday, the swelling went down just enough where I could see her a little out of the corner of my left eye.

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12. Board Game: Poker [Average Rating:6.71 Overall Rank:675]
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I used to play poker for money with my buddies every Friday night. I didn't do too bad, but the trouble was our games went late and I was becoming concerned I always woke up my wife when I came home around midnight.

One night I decided to try not to rouse her. I undressed in the living room and tiptoed naked into the bedroom - only to find my wife sitting up in bed reading.

"Dammit Wayne!" she exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"
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13. Board Game: An Evening of Murder: Love & Marriage [Average Rating:6.35 Unranked]
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"Honey," I said to my wife one evening, "I invited one of my gaming buddies home for dinner and some games."

"What? Are you crazy!?" my wife exclaimed, "The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal! Besides, you don’t have time for any games! You have to get the kids bathed, their teeth brushed and then read them a story! And you still haven’t replaced that broken light bulb in the hallway!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for dinner and games?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."


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14. Board Game: Over the Hill Sex Game [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
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My grandparents wanted to spice up their love life, so they decided to try something new. They had heard about oral sex and said "lets give it a try", so my Grandad sat there and said "Screw you," a little later Grandma said "Screw you." then Grandad replied "Screw you". Grandma sat there for a minute and replied back, "Screw you". Things got quiet for a bit and Grandad looks at Grandma and says "You know Ma, this oral sex ain’t nothing like I thought it would be".
 
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15. Board Game: Sherlock [Average Rating:6.35 Overall Rank:2462]
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Speaking of my grandparents, it seems they were both having trouble remembering things. Now, I've read somewhere that boardgames are really good for improving one's memory. I'd only recently purchased 'Der Plumpsack Geht Um' (AKA Sherlock) off eBay. Der Plumpsack is a really cool memory game so I introduced it to my grandparents. They had a great time and they even went on to each win a game. Anyway, they went home and told all their friends and neighbours about the game. Some months later, a neighbour approached my Grandad as he tended his garden.

The neighbour asks, “Say, Ed, what was the name of that memory game you liked so much?”

My Grandad replies, “Well, it was...hmmm...let me think a minute... What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems...?”

The neighbour says, "You mean a rose?"

Grandad replies, "Yeah, that's it!...(shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the name of that memory game?"

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16. Board Game: Strip [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
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I was at our regular game night when one of the guys arrives with a copy of the Settlers of Catan 10th Anniversary 3-D Special Edition Chest Set.

“Where did you get that?” I ask.

He replied, “Well, you know that beautiful sales girl at the local game shop that likes me? I dropped by the shop just on closing time to check out the latest boardgames. We were the only people in the shop and she suddenly walks over to me, takes off all her clothes, drops them at her feet, smiles at me and says, ‘Take what you want!’”

I looked at him and nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

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17. Board Game: Washing Machine Game [Average Rating:5.00 Unranked]
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A sweatshirt I’d ordered over the internet recently arrived from the States. I wanted to wear it to the next game night to impress my buddies so I decided to wash it.

I walked into the laundry but couldn’t for the life of me understand the settings on the washing machine. “Honey,” I yelled out to my wife, "What setting do I use?"

"It depends on the garment," she replied. "What does it say on the shirt?"

I yelled back, “It says ‘Power to the Meeple!’”


 
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18. Board Game: Marriage Material [Average Rating:5.44 Overall Rank:9219]
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After a night of gaming, the guys and I decided to have a beer. Anyway, one beer turned into many beers and we all ended up roaring drunk. I must have been really off my face 'cause I couldn't even remember getting home.

I wake up at home the next morning with a huge hangover. I force myself to open my eyes, and the first thing I see is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. I sit down and see my clothing in front of me, all clean and ironed. I look around the room and see that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. I take the aspirins and notice a note on the table.

"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So I go to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. My 5 year-old daughter is also at the table. I sit down and ask her, "Pumpkin, what happened last night?"

My daughter says, "Well Daddy, you came home after 3 a.m. drunk and silly. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, I ask, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

My daughter replies, "Oh that! Mummy dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!".
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