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That is illogical captain! - Logical inconsistencies in otherwise fine games
Get up, get up, get up, get down, fall over.
United Kingdom
Bolton
Lancashire
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Is it just me? Look, I don't want to get tagged as some sort of green ink merchant. The sort of person that stands on street corners advising all comers to wear a tinfoil hat to stop the CIA from controlling your mind but...

Some games, just a few. The gameplay is great, neat mechanic, nice theme but...

Somehow there is just something, perhaps one action or a point you always reach that just niggles and niggles and niggles because, in the context of the theme, it is just not logical. And it gets worse over time. It builds with every play. One day you blurt it out and are ignored. Then suddenly people don't want to play this game with you. They are afraid you are going to start banging on about the same old point over and over again.

Are you following me?

Let me explain by way of an example. Then please, add more, show me I am not alone. wow
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276. Board Game: GOSU [Average Rating:6.69 Overall Rank:916]
Hunter E
United States
Kirkland
Washington
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OK, so you've got an army. There are three ranks, from your rank 1 grunts (bakutos) to your rank 3 generals (ozekis).

Now, maybe goblin military doctrine is just wildly different to the human sort, but I'd expect the generals to sit in the back and let the grunts form the front line. In Gosu, it's the generals out front and the enlisted men hiding in back. Go figure.
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277. Board Game: Neuroshima Hex! [Average Rating:7.43 Overall Rank:160] [Average Rating:7.43 Unranked]
Mikey Moose
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You can have four giant robotic clawed hands, be as tough as metal and shoot enormous guns...

...but if someone casts a net on you, you sit there still, not knowing what to do. Not even with your bloody claws.
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278. Board Game: Arctic Survival [Average Rating:4.93 Unranked]
Raiko Puust
Estonia
Keila
Harju Maakond
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Raiko & Agnes Forever! Feel the Love and Feel the Warmth. Happiness is 2 hugs plus 3 kisses every hour...:D (http://mrboardgames.wordpress.com/)
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Addicted Estonian gamer with big heart and direct winning attitude. Need any help with something, just ask. Need some GG for something, just ask. Need something to be translated, just ask. Meanwhile, behave! :D (http://mrboardgames.wordpress.com/)
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1) Penguins and polar bears are living together...?!?

2) Instead of taking an igloo near themselves, the eskimos cross most dangerous river for the one on the other side.

3) Polar bears and seal drown when they fall into water...?!?
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279. Board Game: Battles of Westeros [Average Rating:7.49 Overall Rank:325]
Matti Saarenketo
Finland
Rovaniemi
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Commander: Attack!
Kennelmaster: Our Enemy is behind our own forces. We can't see them because of that, but we can send our dogs to attack them.
Commander: Then do it.

Later...

Commander: Our enemy is behind a river. Attack them with your dogs
Kennelmaster: Sorry sir. The current is too strong for our dogs to swim trough it.
Commander: Then just shoot them
Kennelmaster: As you wish.

Later...

Commander: Behind that hill lies the commander of our enemies. Send our dogs to attack them.
Kennelmaster: Sorry sir. Even though our dogs can attack trough our own forces, they cannot attack an enemy behind a hill.
Commander: Why? Are they afraid of heights?
Kennelmaster: I don't know. Ask the dogs.
Commander: shake
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280. Board Game: Giants [Average Rating:7.02 Overall Rank:601]
Julien Morel
France
BURGILLE
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-This Moaï is very too heavy for us. Hey! Red ! come and help us !

-But where is your Chief ?

-well... he broke a Rongo Tablet, and now he is in the village with the Sorcerer. And with our wives...

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281. Board Game: Middle-Earth Quest [Average Rating:7.43 Overall Rank:260]
Mr. Larynx
Canada
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The Smeagol/Gollum plots

Sauron truly is a sadist sauron: in several games we've played, Gollum escapes first only to be captured once again by Sauron's forces on a later turn (presumably for more torture). That piteous creature.

It's also possible for Gollum to be captured and 'Smeagol' to be escaping simultaneously surprise(if both are active plots).
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282. Board Game: Founding Fathers [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:687]
Hunter E
United States
Kirkland
Washington
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Delegates all have a position on one of two axes of debate -- large-state/small-state or federalist/anti-federalist. Leaving aside the fact that the two issues were tightly entangled, let's consider the fact that the player delegates are "neutral" on both issues, in face of their actual historical positions: James Madison, for example, was the definition of a Federalist, but in game terms couldn't care either way.

Worse, because delegates can only speak in debate for their matching position, player delegates cannot speak in debate, despite most being among the more noted orators of the constitutional convention.

Basically, this is a great abstract euro with a historical theme stuck on with thumb tacks.
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283. Board Game: Are You the Traitor? [Average Rating:5.19 Overall Rank:10724]
Tarra Scott
Taiwan
Taipei
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Keyholder: Here ya go, Wizard. The key for you to destroy.
Evil Wizard: Ha, ha! I am actually the evil wizard. Now I shall unleash evil onto the world.
Traitor: Schweet! And I get this platinum pyramid for being aligned.
Evil Wizard: Damn. All I got was this crappy bag of copper.

(1 minute later)

Evil Wizard: Ha, now I am a guard trying to find the traitor.
Traitor: And now I am a good wizard trying to find the traitor.
Keyholder: whistle
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284. Board Game: Junior Labyrinth [Average Rating:5.71 Overall Rank:6301]
S S
Canada
Toronto
Ontario
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In Junior Labyrinth, the gameplay consists of shifting tiles to create paths so that your pawn can pick up treasures. Your pawn cannot move through walls. The problem? The pawns are ghosts. Instead, you might think that the designers could have chosen, well, absolutely anything other than the one thing that can move through walls!
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285. Board Game: Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.58 Overall Rank:89]
Gert Keijer-Spaink
Netherlands
Utrecht
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General: "Hail Caesar, Rome has been managed. You can start moving your armies and send out the scouts to conquer fast new terrains for the glorious Roman Empire"
Caesar: "Excellent, send out the second army to wipe out that pesky, little barbarian village that stand in our way"
G: "Sorry Caesar, that is not possible."
C: "And why not?"
G: "There are no units left to fight after our victory over the Chinese, last turn"
C: But we won? They were wiped out! Crushed! How can i have won and have no armies left"
G: No No Oh Mighty Caesar, You still have your armies, but no troops. It's just lone standard bearers marching around"
C: "Why haven't we raised new armies then"
G: "Because you choose to harvest incense instead. No new troops, mighty Emperor"
C: So", we are defenseless!"
G: "In a nutshell"..... Yes
C: "Bugger. Let’s hope our enemies don’t notice that. We are a sitting duck, after all
G: "That is a bit too late, oh Mighty One, I can see them at the horizon"
C: "Damn!"
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286. Board Game: Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.58 Overall Rank:89]
Gert Keijer-Spaink
Netherlands
Utrecht
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Here is another one for Civ:

Personal scribe: Grave news, Oh Great Chairman
Chairman Mao: What’s happened this time!
PS: the vile Americans attacked and we lost the battle. They looted our last reserves of incense.
CM: How is that possible, we have cavalry, we have cannons, they got pike man and knights, How can they defeat us?
PS: Well, Never setting Red Sun, our units drew straws who should defend us and unfortunately our last three units of spearman were chooses and were swept aside without much trouble.
CM: and what did our cavalry?
PS: Nothing. They weren’t chosen, so stayed in the barracks.
CM: surprise

The whole battle system in Civ is a bit strange because you can't choose your units, fate does that for you. So it is quit easy to loose a battle even if you have advanced units.
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Craig Truesdell
United States
Uniontown
Ohio
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All of these make sense but in a pure literal view, they can seem odd.

I have been playing Silent War and I find it somewhat ironic that the more ships you sink, the more likely you can get the ordnance bureau to make better torpedoes. If you have been so successful, why do you need better torpedoes??!?! Oh you sunk even more ships? Well we'll get right to it!

Also, the "loner" attack card has a slot for 4 ships/targets. More like lonerish I guess.
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288. Board Game: Palazzo [Average Rating:6.57 Overall Rank:1051]
Andrew Brown
England
York
North Yorkshire
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So then, I can start a house by building the second (or third, or fourth or fifth) storey - then later on I can raise up my rennaissance building up and insert lower numbered storeys underneath? Is it me?
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Kai Bettzieche
Germany
Eppelsheim
Rheinland Pfalz
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You are the savior of the world .. It lies in your hands to save the world from the apocalypse .. and yet, the guy you have to cooperate with .. the guy you have to deliver the stuff to .. the guy who will finally do the saving after you have done all the work ..

well ..

THIS GUY doesn't give a damn about you doing your job good or bad. He just sends you back into the past, telling you you need to log into his computer, but does not make sure you do it right by giving you the password, but instead relies on you remembering everything he said/did .. and if you don't .. well .. bad luck for the world ..

shake
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290. Board Game: War of the Ring (first edition) [Average Rating:7.86 Overall Rank:34]
United States
Collegeville
Pennsylvania
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Nazgul: Attack!
Elite Minion: Can't, boss - they're all bottled up inside an impenetrable stronghold.
Nazgul: Insubordinate fool! I should flay the flesh from your bones! You're demoted to Private!
Minion formerly known as Elite: CHARGE!

---

Nazgul: Press the attack!
Grunt: Can't, boss - we haven't breached the walls yet.
Nazgul: What's your rank, soldier?
Grunt: Private.
Nazgul: Damn! Alright, we'll call it a day. Be back here first thing in the morning.
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291. Board Game: Power Grid: Factory Manager [Average Rating:6.95 Overall Rank:459]
Alex
Germany
Bochum
NRW
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Once I began a factory, I allready had a big hall of empty space and could even expand it. – but I could not manage to build a control-room there…

I could build one, but only under the roof.

If I wanna shop for new Machines I go to the marketplace – and there is… well, nothing actually… ahh and its not me, who is shopping, but half of my workforce.

they first have to make a custom order to the machines-producers to produce a machine I need. – Makes sence!

So my workers ordered 3 needed improvements, which were custom made for me… but then came my competitors and ordered other stuff they needed.

Just before buying the stuff THEY needed, they decide, that MY stuff fits them better and buy that instead… and if I want something out of the market, I have to buy the custom made stuff of my competitors !? well... ok. and if noone buys the stuff it will be thrown away and you will have to order it again if you want to buy it later.

Well, after 5 rounds, my factory will be irrelevant anyway – it will only matter how much money our corp has! – right…

Its the chief aim of any factory-manager to have the most money by a specific deadline…

In round 4 and 5 you should not invest anymore, cause, while making your factory WAY more efficient, you would need just a little more time for it to pay out…

Its like in real life, where investments are only considered if they pay out IMMEDIATELY…

In the end, the player with the best factory, usually is not winning… -.-

Why should you install robots to work instead of your workforce, if they work for free, but robots cost energy to run? -Of course! To have more people to send shopping around stuff, which ist custom made for the competitor…
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292. Board Game: Axis & Allies: 1942 [Average Rating:6.96 Overall Rank:1044]
Advosan Advosan
Greece
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- Keitel: "Mein Fuhrer, we have 25 infantry battalions supported by 10 artillery regiments and more than 20 armor brigades within reach of Moscow, plus the Lufwaffe can deploy 5 bomber and 6 fighter squads for an assault to the city. Our Japanese allies have invaded Kazakhstan and captured Novosibirsk and are ready to provide assistance-if needed. Even more, fieldmarshall Rommer just signaled us from his Kairo HQ that his panzerdivizions have reached Johannesburg.
- Hitler: "That sounds great Willy! Looks like we made it this time afterall!"
- Keitel: "Actually, mein Fuhrer, we just lost the War".
- Hitler: "What the hell are you talking about"??????
- Keitel: "The Americans sir. They just suicide-landed 2 infantry battalions in Manilla, Shanghai, Calcutta, Saint Petersburg and Paris. We and the Japanese can wipe them clean off the map, but we wont because of this stupid rule that provides that if the Allies control 9 Victory Cities, the war is over".
- Hitler: "Blast"!
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293. Board Game: StarCraft: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.35 Overall Rank:233]
Eric Pietrocupo
Canada
Montreal
Quebec
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This is the example I always use for illogical board games. Action orders are resolved in reverse order. Which means that you must plan ahead what you want to do in reverse order.

Tell me, how many times in your life did you wake up in the morning and though of what you are going to do today starting from before you get to bed to after you wake up.

It simply makes no sense.
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294. Board Game: Descent: The Sea of Blood [Average Rating:7.45 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.45 Unranked]
Matti Saarenketo
Finland
Rovaniemi
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Climbing on the ship from the sea costs 2 movement point. Jumping from the ship to the sea costs 2 as well.

Also:

Overlord: Attack Hero1
Monster: I can't the wall is on the way.
Overlord: Then attack Hero2
Monster: I can't. Hero1 is on the way.
Overlord: ???
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295. Board Game: Stone Age [Average Rating:7.65 Overall Rank:48]
Keith S.
United States
Dallas/Fort Worth
Texas
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Caveman: Hey Elder, Oogra and Gronk wanna make some whoopie in the love shack.
Elder: Well sure, tell them to go right- oops, never mind. We don't have enough to feed any more people.
Caveman: But Elder, don't we have nine months before the baby's even born, and a couple of years before he's eating solid food?
Elder: Nope; that love shack is the Polaroid people-producer. They walk in there, and walk right back out with a full-grown son or daughter. Kind of disturbing, actually.
Caveman: Well, can't we go trade a Stone for some food? Stone's hard to get, and we have some to spare, we should get a lot of food from the next tribe for it.
Elder: Nope. Nobody will trade us more than one food for that stone, and it's not worth the trade.
Caveman: but it's two and a half times harder to get than food!
Elder: Hey, I didn't make the rules.
Caveman: Well, then I'll go hunt for the new addition.
Elder: No dice; I just sent out the hunting party.
Caveman: But you just did that a few minutes ago. if I hurry I can catch them up before they even get to the hunting grounds!
Elder: No, you can't. Now go take Balunk and mine some gold for our next hut.
Caveman: But Elder, a gold bar weighs 35 pounds, and that'll take AGES to pan out of the river. And why do we need Gold for a hut, anyway?
Elder: To pay the real estate agent, now move.

(some time later)

Caveman: Hey Elder, we're back.
Elder: Did you get the gold?
Caveman: No, we only got 5/6 of a gold bar, so we didn't bring any of it back.
Elder: But 5/6 of a gold bar is still a lot of gold; why didn't you bring back what you had?
Caveman: because 5/6 of a gold bar is a Stone, and you sent us for Gold, not Stone.
Elder: Well then, here, use this tool.
Caveman: Um, we're already finished, and the gold mines are miles from here.
Elder: Just take the tool.
(Caveman takes the tool, gold manifests itself at his feet)
(Caveman's head explodes trying to comprehend)

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296. Board Game: Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.58 Overall Rank:89]
Jason John
United States
Whitinsville
Massachusetts
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(Pre Game)

Barbarian Soldier: "Sir, I found this substance in the ground!
Barbarian Chief: "Good. Bring it here!
Barbarian Soldier: "Well. . .it seems like it's lethal to humans. One of my "soldier-mates" died the moment he touched it.
Barbarian Chief: Ok then, bring the medicine man with you. He will find a way to properly contain this item.

(Assume medicine man puts stuff in a jar and puts it on a shelf.)
(Years Pass. . .a civilization attacks.)

Caesar: Loot the hut!
Soldier: Hey, I found a jar! There's something inside. . .
(Soldier dies when he touches the substance.)
Caesar: Oh, my! It kills people! This is GENIUS! Someone, bring this jar to our scientists.

Scientist: Unfortunately, we are unable to find a way to use this substance as a weapon, without exposing this to our own troops as well.
Caesar: Ok then, put it in that shelf for now.

(Years pass. . .atomic theory is learned.)

Scientist: Ok, where did I put that test tube. . .hey, what's this? . .
(Scientist dies when he touches the substance.)
Other Scientist: Let's run some tests.

OS: "It appears to be a source of Uranium. We can use it to build a nuclear bomb and blow the crap out of a place.
Caesar: Ok, then, bomb one of the Egyptian cities. Let's annoy the crap out of them.

OS: "The bomb was successful, the Egyptian city has been blown into smithereens."
Caesar: Ok then. . .make another one?

OS: "Well, you see, we can't. Apparently, there are only 2 sources of uranium on the planet. These were found by barbarian tribes thousands of years ago. They were then passed down from generation to generation, until now, when you just used it."
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297. Board Game: 7 Wonders [Average Rating:7.88 Overall Rank:19]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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Oi! Hands off...
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Mausoleum at Halicarnassus: Right, I need some clay. I'm buying some of you, Hanging Gardens.

Pyramids of Giza: I, too, need some clay, and will buy some off you, Hanging Gardens.

Hanging Gardens of Babylon: I need three clay. Er...any chance I could have those two back and use them for myself rather than selling them to you?

Mausoleum at Halicarnassus: No.

Pyramids of Giza: No




Statue of Zeus: Raaaaa! I have 9 armies! Let's have a fight!

Temple of Artemis: Yeah, OK. I don't actually have any armies at all.

Stature of Zeus: Raaaa-ha-ha-ha! Five points to me! Does this mean I pillage your city and wipe you into dust?

Temple of Artemis: No, sorry. I just get this little minus-one point instead.




Lighthouse at Alexandria: Aha! I have a Caravanserai. That means I could now build a lighthouse for free. Hmmm...does it matter that I already have a lighthouse? Quite a big one, in fact.




Colussus of Rhodes: The Shipowners! How good to see you. Come in, take a seat. What can I do for you?

Shipowners: Er...if you'd be so good, Mr Colossus, we'd like to form a guild. The Shipowners Guild

Colussus of Rhodes: Why, of course, of course. And what can I give you to get this Guild underway?

Shipowners: We'd like lots of wood, some paper and some glass, please.

Colussus of Rhodes: Ah, of course! You require lots of wood so that you can build ships, right?

Shipowners: Er...no. Um...we already own ships. That's why it's called the Shipowners Guild.

Colussus of Rhodes: So why do you need all the wood?

Shipowners: (look at each other frantically for inspiration) Er...we want to build a Jenga set?
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298. Board Game: Survive: Escape from Atlantis! [Average Rating:7.35 Overall Rank:174]
Brian Hamilton
United States
Asheboro
North Carolina
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After a piece is removed from under a players meeple, that piece must stay a swimmer and can't get back on the main land mass.

'but mom why can't we get on this shore right here?'
'Swim to one of those four islands!'
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299. Board Game: Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.58 Overall Rank:89]
Ricardo Donoso
Brazil
RIBEIRÃO PRETO
Sao Paulo
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wow
In this amazing game we have a few flaws...

An spearmen unit boosted with iron from metal work can destroy a unit of airplanes in battle...

Ok, so, do they have magic spears or is it superman throwing those spears?
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300. Board Game: Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.58 Overall Rank:89]
Nigel Clarke
England
Dursley
Gloucestershire
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Another one from the above.

Cleopatra, you have lost the battle, you must pay me my just deserts.
But I haven't got anything worthwhile.
What about all those coins on those cards?
You can't have one of them.
I can take whatever I like, fruits of war and all thatangry
Well, you can't have a coin.
Why not?
The Wilson Convention says so!
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