That is illogical captain! - Logical inconsistencies in otherwise fine games
Get up, get up, get up, get down, fall over.
United Kingdom
Bolton
Lancashire
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Is it just me? Look, I don't want to get tagged as some sort of green ink merchant. The sort of person that stands on street corners advising all comers to wear a tinfoil hat to stop the CIA from controlling your mind but...

Some games, just a few. The gameplay is great, neat mechanic, nice theme but...

Somehow there is just something, perhaps one action or a point you always reach that just niggles and niggles and niggles because, in the context of the theme, it is just not logical. And it gets worse over time. It builds with every play. One day you blurt it out and are ignored. Then suddenly people don't want to play this game with you. They are afraid you are going to start banging on about the same old point over and over again.

Are you following me?

Let me explain by way of an example. Then please, add more, show me I am not alone. wow
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301. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.12 Overall Rank:6]
Savino Palumbo
United States
Baltimore
Maryland
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Me: Well honey, it looks like we're not going to have enough food to feed our kids this week...I'm going to have to go beg

Wife: But we have sheep, boar, cattle, grain and vegetables...

Me: Yeah, but we have no fireplace or oven to cook them in!

Wife: ...well can't we just sell some of that stuff to make money to buy food then? We also have a lot of stockpiled wood, clay, and reed we could sell...

Me: No, that makes too much sense. I better just go beg.
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302. Board Game: Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.58 Overall Rank:90]
Ian Kelly
United States
Longmont
Colorado
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Just in case this game hasn't been added enough times already.

Advisor: Your Majesty, I regret to inform you that the Chinese have built the Hanging Gardens. If we do not do something, we will soon be overrun by the Chinese armies.

King Abraham: What? This is terrible news! What can we do?

Advisor: Sire, I suggest we use the kingdom's supply of silk to construct a giant tarp that we will use to cover the Hanging Gardens. If the Chinese people cannot see the Hanging Gardens, then it can no longer support the population growth needed to sustain interminable waves of armies, and the crisis will be averted.

King Abraham: Uh, okay. Will that really work?

Advisor: Of course, Sire.

King Abraham: Well, okay, then. Let's do that, I guess.

Later...

Advisor: Your Majesty, we have just developed a new device called the Steam Engine. This impressive technology will let us transport our armies behind the front lines of the Chinese and launch a sneak attack.

King Abraham: Excellent! Their land shall be ours. Attack immediately!

Advisor: Yes, Your Majesty. I will have our silk reserves released to the steamship captains at once.

King Abraham: Wait, what? Why do they need silk?

Advisor: Ah, you see, the steam engine operates by burning silk to heat water, creating steam that powers a turbine...

King Abraham: Why don't they just burn coal?

Advisor: Coal, Your Majesty? What is coal?

King Abraham: Never mind. Just do it.
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303. Board Game: Mansions of Madness [Average Rating:7.46 Overall Rank:152]
Brian Modreski
United States
Thornton
Colorado
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Jenny: "We'd better find out what's going on here fast. Let's see what's down that ladder."

Kate: "No, don't be silly. We can't go down that ladder."

Jenny: "I know its dangerous, but we must!"

Kate: "No, we can't go down the ladder. Its physically impossible. Laws of science and all. We can't go down because we don't know where the other end of the ladder is."

Jenny: "Of course we don't know! That's why we go down the ladder and find out!"

Kate: "Don't be ridiculous. We need to search around and go down the stairs and locate the bottom of the ladder. Then, we'll know where it is and we can go down it."

Having reluctantly given in to the scientist's "reasoning", they search the Mansion and find the other half of the ladder.

Kate: "Oh dear. This is very bad."

Jenny: "What, why now?"

Kate: "Well, now we've found the bottom of the ladder, so our foes can use it as a shortcut."

Jenny: "They could ALREADY do that!"

Kate; "Of course they couldn't. They didn't know it was here until we discovered it".

Jenny: "But...this place is THEIR inner sanctum! The other end of the ladder comes straight into their entryway - they'd see it every day!"

Kate: "Quite unobservant, aren't they?"
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304. Board Game: Pandemic [Average Rating:7.66 Overall Rank:44]
Ricardo Donoso
Brazil
RIBEIRÃO PRETO
Sao Paulo
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Ok, i love this game... But...

-"Ok, Both of us are in the CDC, I can cure the desease that's killin our people, if you just share with me that bit of knowledge that you got..."
-"I would love to, but I can't."
-"Say what? You can't? But you already told me you have that knowledge..."
-"I do man, but I can't tive you that here. We need to go to Paris?"
-"?"
-"Yeah, only in Paris I can share my knowledge with you..."
-"But we can't, the research options are ending, the world will end, we all will die!!!"
-"Sorry pal, nothing I can do..."
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305. Board Game: Thunderstone [Average Rating:7.08 Overall Rank:347] [Average Rating:7.08 Unranked]
Gert Keijer-Spaink
Netherlands
Utrecht
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Leveling up in Thunderstone guarantees a sex change and complete genetic make over including a change of race. Your average militia is white, male and human but after a level up….

Scene: a tavern in the village
Militia 1 (white male human): Good heavens, that was a though dungeon. Glad we made it out alive.
Militia 2 (also white male human): But now the boss has enough experience to level up one of us.
Militia 3 (again white male human): I hope we still can play Dominion after the Change with the four of us.
Militia 4 (white male human): Oh, my number is up. I’m going in for the change. Wish me good luck.

Ten minutes later
Elf Wizard (White male(?) elf, formerly white male human): Greeting Brethren, as an elf I have to be more in touch with nature so in my spare time now more Dominion for me. I’m off to hug a tree.
M1, M2, M3: ah….pity

A couple of dungeons later
M1: Well, that did us any good, that Elf Wizard, getting himself/herself eaten by a Griffon. But at least we now have experience for a level up.
M2: I hear the Boss. You go in, nr 3, we start randomize the cards for our next game.
M3: Okay, see you guys are around.

Ten minutes later
M1 & M2: What, what happened to you?
Dwarf sentinel (male white dwarf, formally white male human) No shorty jokes! I’m off to sort my gem collection, so no more Dominion for me.
M1 & M2: ahhh…… shoot!

Again a couple of dungeons later
M1: still no Thunderstone. It’s getting boring.
M2: but enough experience and it’s my turn. I wonder what I’m going to be.
M1: I hope you become an Amazon. Then we can do something else then playing Dominion (notch notch wink wink).
M2: Yeah, Dominium is getting stale. I’m off.
M1 Amazon, Amazon, Amazon…..

Ten minutes later
Regian Priest (White human male)Good evening, my son. I’m here to take you confession because you had sinful thoughts!
M1: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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306. Board Game: Dominion [Average Rating:7.77 Overall Rank:30] [Average Rating:7.77 Unranked]
Chris Brown
United States
Bellevue
Washington
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"Sir, I'm hard up on cash. Please, mayn't I inquire if thou be a usurer?"
"You'd like a LOAN, my boy? Why, of course: just periodically look through your coin sack, either put it aside or throw it down the trash. Here's something worth a small amount of legal tender."
"..."

***

"Come, brothers and sisters, trash what ails you. Money! Riches! Friends! Enemies!"
"Friar, do we get anything in return? Communion? Church membership? Peace of mind?"
"Not in the CHAPEL. Amen."

***

"Sirrah, buy me a deed. Verona, Genova, Ljubljana . . . real estate is where it's at! CITIES are as hot as the Holy Roman Emperor."
"With all due respect, sir, the Emperor is a half-wit with a hook nose."
"Fine, fine...but what advantages will a city give me over a village?"
"It's like this, m'lord . . . see, if you, or another landowner, perhaps, hires many goons or pearl divers, etc, then there are many advantages..."
"Yaaaawn."

***

"I'll get a CURSE please, Mr. Walgreen's employee guy."
"Forsooth, I am in high school. Go the zounds away."
"I'll report you to your indenturers!"
"Whatevs. [Mumbles.] We have maledictions, poxes, boils, mumps, leprosy, toad spawn, mothers-in-law..."
"Just a nice basic malediction, thanks."
"Why do you want this? Kinda hurts your prospects, dontchya think?"
"Well, see, I'm in a bidding war with a neighboring aristocrat, and it would please me very well to just slip her this CURSE at an upcoming MASQUERADE party..."
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...you don't want that kind of curse, nae, you don't! There are just some places lesions shouldn't be."

[And scene.]
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307. Board Game: Merchants & Marauders [Average Rating:7.47 Overall Rank:139]
Scott Lewis
United States
Thornton
Colorado
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Dread Our Coming, Suffer Our Presence, Embrace Our Glory (Solonavi War Cry)
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First Mate: Captain, word is that the various nations are offering clemency for past minor indescretions for a small fee.

Captain: Hmm, we've kept our noses clean thus far. How long are they offering this?

First Mate: For the next few weeks, it sounds like, sir!

Captain: Avast, then! Let's go raid that merchant that just left port; if we're quick, we can plunder them and pay off the authorities before the clemency ends!
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308. Board Game: Ikusa [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:476]
Benjamin Maggi
United States
Clifton Park
New York
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In the game, the rules always refer to "THE Ninja," not A Ninja. The emphasis is that there is only one elusive Ninja who can be used to spy on other players or assassinate another player's Daimyo. However, in the second situation where the Ninja strike fails the intended victim can then get a free retaliatory attack against any of the first player's Daimyos. If there were multiple Ninjas for hire in Japan this would make sense but in the context of the game there is one. Imagine this situation...

RED Daimyo: "Ahh, Mr. Ninja, please come in. I have an interesting proposition for you. The thing is I have this Green neighbor who wants nothing more then to conquer my lands, kill my armies, and steal my Koku. This puts me in a delicate position. I don't want him to live, but I am busy right now doing other things and cannot head over there to kill him."

Ninja: "Yes, I see what you mean. Perhaps I could be of service to you."

RED Daimyo: "I was hoping you were going to say that. Perhaps for an agreed upon fee an arrangement could be reached whereby..."

Ninja: "Say no more, it will be done."

RED Daimyo: "Excellent"

... later that evening...

GREEN Daimyo: [eating his rice and making his battle plans when suddenly a ninja star appears from nowhere and lands inches from his head] "Whoa, where did that come from?"

Ninja: "Begging your pardon Sir, that was intended to kill you."

GREEN Daimyo: "Oh boy, this is going to be difficult. Might I be able to convince you not to attack me? Come here and let's talk." [Ninja sits down across the table from him]

Ninja: "Talk about luck. Based upon my previous agreement with Red Daimyo and the current rules of our land I am not allowed to attempt to attack you again this turn even though I am now only inches from you."

GREEN Daimyo: "I am willing to forget what just happened with you trying to kill me. Tell me, who sent you?"

Ninja: "The Red Daimyo."

GREEN Daimyo: "Tell you what. I know that statistically it will be harder for you to kill him now after you attempted to attack me but how about you return to him and try to kill him instead. I won't pay you at all because you have already been given compensation but at least you can try and kill someone tonight."

Ninja: "An excellent idea. I will be going."

... later that evening...

RED Daimyo: "Ahh, Mr. Ninja, I see you have returned. Were you successful in your..." [interrupted by ninja star that flys at him and lands inches from his head]

RED Daimyo: "So sad, I see that by attacking me it means you failed killing Green. And now you tried to kill me. I guess I wasted my money by hiring you this turn."

Ninja: "But next turn perhaps I will do better.

RED Daimyo: "Perhaps."

... next round...

ORANGE Daimyo: "So, Mr. Ninja, as you can see I bid highest for your services and I have this problem. I know you have had a problem with completing your missions in the past but I have a good feeling about this one."

Ninja: "Me too, my master..."

Problem: If you have only one Ninja to hire and he fails on his first attempt, wouldn’t the shame of that revelation encourage him to try harder to kill his intended victim again instead of murdering the person who not only hired and paid him but also trusted him? Furthermore, if the Ninja were to fail twice in one round why would anyone in future rounds trust him enough to hire him then?
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309. Board Game: On the Farm [Average Rating:6.69 Unranked]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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So, I have all these animals for the County Fair which I'm keeping hidden under lock and key...

...but meantime everyone can see exactly how much money there is in my bank account?

Last time I open a farm in Hollywood.
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310. Board Game: Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of Ashardalon Board Game [Average Rating:7.29 Overall Rank:343] [Average Rating:7.29 Unranked]
Mikey Moose
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"Almighty Corellon! Where did this Cave Bear come from? I swear, a minute ago I was alone and suddenly there is a Cave Bear but ten feet away from me! I will stand and watch while it attacks me, as I have just attacked and I am also stunned by the fact that I encountered a Cave Bear in a dungeon. Woe is me!"
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311. Board Game: Through the Ages: A Story of Civilization [Average Rating:8.21 Overall Rank:4]
Ian Kelly
United States
Longmont
Colorado
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Allow me to introduce myself. I am Hexachlorophene J. Goodfortune, Kidnapper-At-Large, and Devourer of Tortoises par Excellence, at your service.
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Advisor: The passage of time has made the people unhappy. They're revolting, and they refuse to work until something is done!

El Presidente: Oh, not now! We have oil wells to drill, wonders to erect! There's no time for temples and arenas. What else can we do?

Advisor: Well, sir, we do have a rather large military...

El Presidente: Of course! Send the obsolete units off to attack our weakest neighbor. Even if they manage to muster a defense and we get nothing, at least the sudden population loss will decrease unhappiness. Our problems are solved!
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312. Board Game: The Lord of the Rings: The Card Game [Average Rating:7.65 Overall Rank:73]
Ben Stanley
United States
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Gimli: Help me up, Aragorn! That last forest spider's Shadow attack was so intense, I'm no longer the Steward of Gondor because of it!
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313. Board Game: Indonesia [Average Rating:7.71 Overall Rank:172]
Adam Taylor
United Kingdom
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1) I want to manufacture rubber.

2) Sorry, we're in the first age, we just don't have that technology yet.

1) Ok, how about oil?

2) Not til the third age.

1) So what can I manufacture?

2) Just rice, spices - oh and microwave ready meals!
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314. Board Game: Combat Commander: Pacific [Average Rating:8.14 Overall Rank:203]
Andre Oliveira
Brazil
Sao Paulo
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"Captain! My squad is getting mowed down by that heavy machine gun nest on the other side of the field! I already lost half of my men! What do we do?!?!"

"Goddammit, sargeant! Just deny the machine gun and move your asses!"


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315. Board Game: Space Hulk: Death Angel – The Card Game [Average Rating:6.98 Overall Rank:420]
Daryl Wilks
United States
Peshastin
Washington
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So the corridor is so narrow that the Marines must move single file and can only fire one direction. So how do they switch positions during battle? Try to bump past one another at an intersection?

"Excuse me."
"No, excuse me."
"Um, sorry. My shoulder is hung up on your..."
"HERE THEY COME!"
"Uh oh."
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316. Board Game: Letters from Whitechapel [Average Rating:7.55 Overall Rank:127]
Gordon Watson
United Kingdom
Banstead
Surrey - United Kingdom
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ASL - other tactical wargames call it Sir.
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Beneath this mask there is an idea.....and ideas are bulletproof.
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Jack: OK, if I wait a while before claiming my next victim that will give me more time to get back to my hide-out.
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317. Board Game: Diplomacy [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:362]
Mikey Moose
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Northern Coast of Spain:

"Storm this empty coast! We shall claim all of Spain for ourselves!"

Meanwhile, in the Southern Coast of Spain:

"My General, the English are attacking the Northern Coast with overwhelming forces! We must retreat immediately!"
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318. Board Game: Magnum Sal [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:778]
Tomas Inguanzo
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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You sell a cube at the market for a certain price. Later, someone else buys the same cube for the same price. The market made no profit. Also, if there's a miner working there, he will get paid for each transaction, so the market is actually losing money.
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319. Board Game: RoboRally [Average Rating:7.20 Overall Rank:224]
Kurt Keckley
United States
Bakersfield
California
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Fields of Despair - GMT P500.
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I know I've been pushed right in front of I bottomless pit, but I'm moving forward just to show them.
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320. Board Game: I'm the Boss! [Average Rating:6.87 Overall Rank:640]
Mikey Moose
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-"So we are in agreement then. I get $4,000,000, and you both get $2,000,000"
-"I am so glad doing busi-"
-"Mister Goldman!"
-"What is it, Walter? Can't you see I am in the middle of a multimillion dollar deal?"
-"I wouldn't interrupt if it wasn't important, sir. Someone sent you a free plane ticket to Hawaii!"
-"Hooray! Aloha, gentlemen, I will promptly leave you hanging, to go on urgent vacation! I know this won't affect my credibility at all, I'll be here just in time for the next deal. Get my flower pattern shirt right away Walter!"
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321. Board Game: Tobruk: Tank Battles in North Africa 1942 [Average Rating:6.34 Overall Rank:2807]
A. Gondring
United States
Dover
Delaware
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Casualties of a squad directly affect only a squad itself; morale bonuses from nearby squads are unaffected by their condition.

Therefore, it is better to have two devastated squads nearby than to have a full-strength, unscathed one as support--even though the morale of those sole survivors themselves will be abysmal.

Corporal: "Sergeant, those HE rounds killed 30 men on our right flank. Maybe our squad should bugger off--there's only 3 chaps left over there now."

Sergeant: "Are the survivors all in the same squad?"

Corporal: "Why, no...they're from 3 different squads. Hey, that means our lads won't be affected by it at all!"
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322. Board Game: Troyes [Average Rating:7.74 Overall Rank:48]
Drew Spencer
United States
Tucson
Arizona
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Drought?

Shoot it with arrows!
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323. Board Game: Crazy Circus [Average Rating:6.39 Overall Rank:2590]
Teemu Salohalme
Finland
Imatra
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From the rules about the commands how to move the lion, the elephant and the polar bear around:

"SO - the top animal on the red stump jumps at the..."

What? Jumps? I would like to see an elephant do that!

LION:"Shit! Is that an elephant?"
ELEPHANT: "Hey, where did the lion go?"


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324. Board Game: Elfenland [Average Rating:6.77 Overall Rank:584]
Teemu Salohalme
Finland
Imatra
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"I would like to go this way."
"You can't. You see, only one method of travelling is allowed."
"I can ride my unicorn on the edge of the road. You can ride your bicycle on the road."
"Sorry, the road is narrow."
"But..."
"REALLY narrow."
"Okay, fine. Then I just fly over your sorry little bicycle with my dragon."
"It is also very low."
"The road?"
"Well, yes."
"How come then can a three feet tall unicorn with a six feet tall man ride on the road if it is so low - or an elf with wagons double the width of a bicycle AND an unicorn combined can go by without any trouble?"
"It's magic!"
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325. Board Game: The Castles of Burgundy [Average Rating:8.08 Overall Rank:9]
Kaiwen Zhang
Canada
Toronto
Ontario
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Art of life
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The basic laws of economy do not apply in 15th century France: price is not affected by the quantity of goods purchased.

Selling 1 good or 5 goods of the same type give you 1 silver, no matter what.
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