Tom Vasel Killed my Dog, Buried my Sister ALIVE, and More
Josh Adelson
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
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Well, I see the otherness of being other is otherwise contraindicated
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Who cares where it came from or whether it's correct or not? Certainly not me
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Recommend
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Not content to let Tom take the heat for not helping that other guy, let's all figure out just exactly what apocryphal horror stories we can make up about Tom! I will start, with just a few entries, and then I expect that the lightning wit of my fellow geeks will just start lashing out all over the place in some sort of stupendous geeklist Armageddon! Well, I can dream.
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1. Board Game: Little Black Sambo [Average Rating:1.00 Unranked]
Josh Adelson
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
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Tom Vasel turned my tiger into butter! That's right, he did! Four hundred years ago, I acquired a tiger in Malaysia, and right before the arcane ceremony that keeps me alive could be performed for about the zillionth time, Tom led my sacrificial pet to a secluded jungle area and ran him repeatedly around a tree.
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2. Board Game: WWJD: What Would Jesus Do? The Game [Average Rating:2.87 Unranked]
Josh Adelson
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
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Tom Vasel refused to care about what Jesus would do (on May 17, 1979)!
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3. Board Game: Yspahan [Average Rating:7.16 Overall Rank:292]
Josh Adelson
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
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Tom Vasel ACTUALLY KEPT TWO SCORING TOKENS IN PLAY!!! That's right, Tom was so insulted that yours truly used the supervisor to kick him out of two houses, that he invented the "differential" marker in Yspahan, to record where his score WOULD HAVE BEEN had I not chosen to avail myself of the moves. This may possibly have even happened....
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4. Board Game: Mr. Novak Game [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Josh Adelson
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
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Tom Vasel thinks that Mr. Novak was the best television show of all time! Even though, and this is somewhat frightening, he has NEVER HEARD OF IT!
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5. Board Game: PitchCar [Average Rating:7.23 Overall Rank:254]
W M Shubert
United States
Lexington
Massachusetts
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Tom Vasel may have it in for Mr. Cranky - but he cured my severely maimed index finger!

After a massive flick (which incidentally sent my car through 4 curves, a loop, a jump, and across the finish line, winning the game), my index finger was in so much pain that I couldn't even hold my San Juan cards properly. All was lost, until I read Tom Vasel's glowing review of Duel of Ages Set 1: Worldspanner. As I read the words "YES! YES!, OH YES!" my index finger was miraculously healed!

(Review quote is actual. The rest of this story may have been made up. Especially since I have never actually played, or even seen, pitchcar. But I do have complete faith that Tom Vasel would really, really, want my finger healed if it were ever injured.)
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6. Board Game: Number One [Average Rating:7.29 Unranked]
Get up, get up, get up, get down, fall over.
United Kingdom
Bolton
Lancashire
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"Who is number one"
"You....are number 6"
"I am not a number, I am a free man"
"ha ha ha ha ha"

Yes, I can reveal that Tom Vasel is number one.

Got to go, there is a hearse pulling up outside.
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7. Board Game: Chuckers [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Sean Franco
United States
Hammond
Louisiana
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Tom Vasel in fact lives in a roundhouse.

Tom Vasel's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Tom Vasel counted to infinity. Twice.

The quickest way to a man's heart is his stomach. Unless you're Tom Vasel, then it's a fist to the chest.
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8. Board Game: Dealer's Choice [Average Rating:5.81 Overall Rank:6884]
On Monday mornings, I'm dedicated to the proposition that All Men are created jerks.
United States
Stratford
Connecticut
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I asked Tom Vasel to paint my porch while I was away.

I called a few days latter to check on him and he said, "It only took one gallon. And by the way, it's a Jaguar, not a Porsche."
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9. Board Game: Barnstormer [Average Rating:7.00 Unranked]
Russ Fade
United States
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Tom Vasel showed me a new game called "Hostage." We began by tying me to a chair in his basement. He said he was undecided about this game and needed to play it more, but that I should definately buy it. He then turned the lights down low and whispered into my ear, "I AM Michael Barnes."

I screamed in agony at the realization. It all made sense. He then proceeded to do wicked things in a very Barnesish fashion. I think he killed a couple of cats and he smacked his neighbor's grandma around a bit. It's all a blur due to the various toxic chemicals he injected me with during the 10-day game in his basement. . . chlorine, algaecide, clarifier (does he own a pool?)

And then . . . wait, someone is knocking at my door. I'll finish this as soon as I . . . Tom Barnes? Is that you? Oh, heavens, please, NOOOO!!!! ::bang!!:: .......................
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10. Board Game: Naughty Dogs [Average Rating:4.67 Unranked]
Josh Adelson
United States
Columbia
South Carolina
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Okay, because some people are rather litigious, here is a story about a dog: Long ago, in a country where fleas had been eradicated, and Bob Barker was merely a bugaboo that parents used to scare their children into behaving properly on long drives, there lived a mighty dog named Buck. Buck was the fifteenth pup of a fifteenth pup of an eighth pup of a twelfth pup of the original dog Ferguson, and so he was pretty puffed up about himself most of the time. Once, while rooting around in the papyrus fields near the fertile river, Buck discovered a small spaceship from a distant world, and curious, he nuzzled its still atmospherically-frictionated hull until a seam appeared, and a hatch sprang open. Nonplussed by this, Buck sat back on his haunches waiting to see who or what might emerge. Well of course it was me, and the story of Buck's and my many adventures have already been turned into some sort of cottage e-commerce industry, and need not be further diluted here. One day Tom Vasel showed up and killed Buck, though, and that's all you need to know!
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11. Board Game: Monkey Madness [Average Rating:5.30 Overall Rank:9779]
Stephen Brewbacker
United States
Long Island
New York
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One day I decided to write my first review – a ‘practice’ review – to get a feel for writing reviews. I decided to write a review using Tom Vasel’s reviews as a model. I also decided to pick a game that would never be seriously reviewed by anyone let alone Tom Vasel. I ended up using Tom Vasel’s review of Lost Cities Valley (edit) as my template and I wrote a review of Monkey Madness. What resulted was an over-the-top (and most awesome) review of Monkey Madness and a mockery of Tom Vasel’s review of Lost Valley.

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/article/1277320#1277320

So what does Tom Vasel do by way of retaliation? He sends me a geek mail and unequivocally states:

(and this is a quote)

Nice review!

BTW, it's "Vasel", not "Vassel"

Tom

(end of quote)


That b@st@rd!!! That’s what Tom Vasel did to me! And why I hate him so.

-BrewB
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12. Board Game: Nexus Ops [Average Rating:7.29 Overall Rank:226]
Junior McSpiffy
United States
Riverton
Utah
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Tom Vasal has constructed a beacon out of specially irradiated Nexus Ops neon pieces and a complex construction of mirrors. He shines it into space in hopes of attracting alien races to this planet. If he gets the correct three types of races to have a picnic in his backyard, he meets his objective and scores three points.
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13. Board Game: Monkey Auto Races [Average Rating:6.27 Overall Rank:8066]
Sam Carroll
United States
Champaign
Illinois
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Tom Vasel did not send Monkey Auto Races to #1.
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14. Board Game: Chuckers [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Antonio Chavez
Mexico
Monterrey
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Tom Vasel roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris. I was there. I saw the whole thing.

Obviously, Chuck Norris was looking the other way at the time. And then Tom, out of the blue, roundhouse kicked him in the head and ran away like a coward.

Apparently, Chuck had refused to play Duel of Ages. "All of these dudes are lame", he said, after perusing the characters. That sent Tom into a frenzy.

Elvis was unavailable for comment.
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15. Board Game: Mäuse-Rallye [Average Rating:6.63 Overall Rank:5925]
David G.
United States
Moorpark
California
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Tom Vasel totally moved my cheese.
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16. Board Game: The Propaganda Game [Average Rating:6.86 Unranked]
mark camp
United States
Lesser Binghamton Area
New York
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Tom Vassel filled the internet with glowing reviews of games with no regard for their actual quality. Look around!! He's everywhere!! Can you find a negative review? He's on so many websites talking up so many games he must be extra important. If I were new to the hobby, I think I'd choose to give his reviews extra weight. . .
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17. Board Game: Arkham Horror [Average Rating:7.42 Overall Rank:141] [Average Rating:7.42 Unranked]
vincit omnia amentia
United States
Howard County
Maryland
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The online wargame utility "Vassal Engine" is a cleverly diguised "Vasel Engine." Tom set up a program that uses chaos theory to convert all the different moves and combinations on Vassal into reviews.
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18. Board Game: Pizza Box Baseball [Average Rating:6.27 Overall Rank:3448]
dave klokner
United States
Slidell
Louisiana
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Tom hit an out-of-the-park home run at AT&T field last night and killed my mom who was swimming in the bay. (She was delivering a pizza to the ESPN camera crew floating in the bay.)
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19. Board Game: Scrabble [Average Rating:6.36 Overall Rank:1143]
Brother J
United States
Summerville
South Carolina
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Tom Vassel intentionally and continuously misspells his name just to mess with the unwashed masses! He laughs maniacally from his geek-lair whenever we fall for it...
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20. Board Game: Magic: The Gathering [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:125]
Ken B.
United States
Fayetteville
Tennessee (TN)
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Tom once peed in my mana pool.
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21. Board Game: Tea Party Game [Average Rating:3.60 Unranked]
Trencher for Life
United States
Slidell
Louisiana
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Hey, at least he got to pee.

One time, Vasel tried to convince me to play Eurogames with him. When I refused, telling him they were not my 'cup of tea', he forced me to drink.. to drink.. *whimper*

TEA

One glass for every game I refused, there were a lot of glasses.

He also refused to let me go to the bathroom.

Bastard.

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22. Board Game: Gold! [Average Rating:4.87 Overall Rank:10002]
John Farrell
Australia
Aspley
Queensland
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Tom Vasel put gold under my dad's house and then told the newspapers. Next thing you know there were people turning up with picks and donkeys and whisky and all sorts of junk. Dad is totally rich now, but he can't sleep at night for all the digging and sluicing and gambling. I think if someone is going to put a rich vein of mineral somewhere they'd find a greenfields site, not just dump it in a residential area. That's just plain inconsiderate, but hey, thanks for all the money.
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23. Board Game: Monopoly [Average Rating:4.46 Overall Rank:11163]
Social interaction will cease!
United States
Wichita
Kansas
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What the Hell else am I supposed to do with GeekGold?
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Tom Vasel had a vision. A shiny, sparkly vision. A shiny, sparkly vision of a world without Monopoly (and therefore without fear or want or death or even that fat-free sour cream that sounds like a good idea but tastes like snot). This vision entranced him. It enveloped him. It consumed his very being. It drove him near to a state of madness.

So he built a time machine. A shiny, sparkly time machine made of parts scavenged from Crocodile Pool Party. And with it he went far, far back in time. And he found the child who would invent Monopoly. And he said to the child: "Make damn sure to invent this game, you miserable little turd, or I'll come back in time again and kick you in the balls."
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24. Board Game: Conspiracy [Average Rating:6.22 Overall Rank:2842]
Barry Goldstein
United States
Culver City
California
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Tom Vasel's name is an anagram for

Last Move!


Can that possibly be a coincidence?

It just can't be.
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25. Board Game: CardChess [Average Rating:4.33 Unranked]
Brian Billo
Canada
Abbotsford
British Columbia
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Tom Gave a copy of Card Chess to my cousin when she got married.

And she married Big Blue!!

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