My Problems With Euros
Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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I am a huge ameritrash fan. I love their themes, excess pieces, multiple mechanics jammed together, and tons and tons of dice. My FFG lovefest geeklist can attest to that http://boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/26206. Something about euros just doesn't mix well with me. Maybe it's my extensive reading of fantasy and scifi as a child, my love of building toys with their tons of pieces, or just the sheer joy of being able to through 90 cubes of random goodness on the table.
That isn't to say I don't enjoy euros, just that they are not my sweet spot.
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Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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Boring Theme
I want fantasy themes. Give me dragons, elves, orcs, skeletons, magic, and on and on. I don't want themes about delivering mail or appealing to the castle builder or farming.
I need something cool where just by describing the theme, people are already clamoring to play. I get to have slaves who grow indigo and coffee! Awesome!
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Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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Generic Wooden Pieces
I want beautifully scuplted pieces representing everything. Who cares if it is too hard to tell everything apart? I want the feel of toys when I play my game.
None of this, that color cube is coal and this color cube is indigo and that color cube is peasants. I want finely sculpted sheep, how else can I put my units in awkward compromising positions?
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3.
Board Game: Agricola
[Average Rating:8.25 Overall Rank:2]

Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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Lack of Cards
I want tons of cards that allow for a randomised game and differing player abilities. I know plenty of euros use tiles in place of cards but they don't have the same effect. Everyone knows that a card is only good when it has nineteen different things on it and can be used for multiple purposes like in Arkham Horror or War of the Ring. Why haven't euros discovered the simple goodness of having tons of cards?
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Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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Extremely Low Randomness
I want to have to overcome unforseen events or just have the game decide it hates me. That way each time I play it is extremely different and I get a completely new experience.
No one remembers that one time in Puerto Rico where the first draw was 2 corn and 3 indigo, but you probably remember when you died repeatedly within the first two turns of DungeonQuest.
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Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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Low Player Interaction
There is almost no player interaction in most euros. It's just a multiplayer solitaire game. I play board games because I want to interact with other people, I want to be able to effect what happens to others.
The joy of being able to claim your opponent lost because you chose not support their attack of England is just priceless.
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6.
Board Game: Imperial
[Average Rating:7.72 Overall Rank:43]

Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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Not Epic
I want to see countries rise and fall. The battles of a single hero against hordes and hordes of monsters. Most euros just have you building something or laying out the countryside to have the most picturesque land scape.
There needs to be more drama, the game needs to have something that would make a nice 3 hour long epic movie that is too bloated for its own good.
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7.
Board Game: Thebes
[Average Rating:7.26 Overall Rank:166]

Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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One Mechanic
"Okay so I bid in the first phase, and then I bid in the second phase. What about the third phase?"
"You bid in that one too?"
-- OR --
Lay a tile, lay a tile, lay a tile, place a meeple, lay a tile...
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Beau Bailey
United States Missoula Montana
Why don't you believe me?
Seriously, I'm a weasel.
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Low Player Conflict
Most euros are extremely passive lovefests where all the players try not to irritate their opponents. If no one is irritated at the game's end and is smugly satisfied with their mediocre enjoyment, then the game was a success and everyone can rest assured that they won. They have now all grown as individuals through their shared learning experience. This is communism.
If I can't somehow kill my opponent during the game, then the game is just not fun. I need to be able to completely upset their carefully laid plans by destroying their little powerplants or bombing the hell out of their perfectly laid out trains.
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Dane Peacock
United States Stansbury Park Utah
That tickles
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You can't tell one Euro from the other.
There is not enough difference in gameplay to separate the experience from one Euro to the next. Especially that Knizia guy. Played one, played em all.
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Lexingtonian
United States Unspecified Massachusetts
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Colonialism--Eurocentric Eurogames
Let's dominate some foreigners so we can enslave them and rob them of their natural resources and cultural treasures. No wargames, though. War is bad.
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11.
Board Game: Caylus
[Average Rating:7.97 Overall Rank:11]

Lexingtonian
United States Unspecified Massachusetts
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Sucking Up
I'm the best lickspittle! I win!
This has nothing to do with an infatuation with authority. The Germans have distanced themselves from their authoritarian past by asking their government to forbid their having swastikas.
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