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If Game Designers Wrote the Laws
Bruce Baskir
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Missouri
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Who is it who writes the rules that govern our lives? Lawyers!!! No offense to those members of the legal profession out there, but laws are not written to be easily understood. They are cumbersome, abstruse, loaded with jargon, and largely incomprehensible to the general population.

But there is one group that specializes in writing rules that are easily understood and concise. I'm talking, of course, about game designers. Which leads to the question - what would society be like if the laws were written by game designers?
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Posted Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:30 pm
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1. Board Game Designer: Richard Garfield
Bruce Baskir
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The use of addictive substances would not only be tolerated, but would be encouraged.
9
And would add about a zillion dollars to the sales tax revenue.
A balanced budget at last!
Darrell Hanning
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That picture at this resolution looks like Bob Costas in drag.
Glenn Pruitt
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swandive78 wrote:
And would add about a zillion dollars to the sales tax revenue.
A balanced budget at last!


But productivity would be at an all time low...
Lou Seelbach
United States
Huntington
West Virginia
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Wow. I didn't realize that Bob Costas and Richard Garfield were the same person!
2. Board Game Designer: James Ernest
Bruce Baskir
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Manufacturing would consist of providing instructions on assembling the desired item out of components that the consumer already has on hand.
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Why buy a chair for every room, when you've got plenty of sticks and pillows lying around?
Hey Nonny Mouse
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Longmont
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swandive78 wrote:
Why buy a chair for every room, when you've got plenty of sticks and pillows lying around?

So, you've seen my family room then?
I have a business, installing styrofoam nuns. (Erik Warnes)
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We already have some companies doing this...like LoveSac with their Sactionals Modular Furniture.
Jan-Ã…ke Larsson
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Linköping
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ralpheous wrote:
IKEA is halfway there! Now all they have to do is sell a book that tells you how to reconfigure all your IKEA furniture into OTHER things.


Hey! I do that all the time.
David Spitzley
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jalar wrote:
ralpheous wrote:
IKEA is halfway there! Now all they have to do is sell a book that tells you how to reconfigure all your IKEA furniture into OTHER things.


Hey! I do that all the time.


Just Google on "IKEA hacking"
3. Board Game Designer: Andreas Seyfarth
Bruce Baskir
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Workers would be forced to change careers every year with first choice of career rotating through the work force.
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Stephen Tassie
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Not to mention it would be perfectly legal to not pay any of your "colonists" for the work they do.:D
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ralpheous wrote:
Not to mention it would be perfectly legal to not pay any of your "colonists" for the work they do.:D


This bandwagon has become grotesquely full.
Petras Ražanskas
Lithuania
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DarrellKH wrote:
ralpheous wrote:
Not to mention it would be perfectly legal to not pay any of your "colonists" for the work they do.:D


This bandwagon has become grotesquely full.


Grotesque political correctness needs grotesque bandwagons to be countered.
Michael Lawson
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It's called "growing your career" at the place I work at.
4. Board Game Designer: Uwe Rosenberg
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Retailers would be able to barter any item in stock with consumers, but would only be able to sell the item closest to the door.
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As a retailer, I can attest to the fact that most customers already think you can barter for the vast majority of goods out there. The other customers usually just steal what they want.

Edit: Yes, I did use "barter" when I should have said "haggle." However, I have had customers try to barter as well. It's not uncommon for customers to bring in items from other retailers and want to use them to "exchange" for something we sell. Amazing.
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Edited Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:48 am
Wrench. Screwdriver. Wrench. Would you guys make up my mind!
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One of my former employers bartered off lightly used copier and color printers to restaurants for food and drinks credits. Once when a fancy joint was going out of business he had about $400.00 left to spend. He and I tried to do it in one evening. We ate like kings and still didn't get it done. I was with him the night he traded a color lasr printer for a $1200 bar tab.

On a much smaller scale, I used to print menus in color for a local Greek eatery for food credits.
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FlyingArrow wrote:
I think somewhere in this conversation the words 'barter' and 'haggle' were confused.


Who run Bartertown?

tim Tim TIm TIM TIMMY!!
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We run and arts & crraft store in Costa Rica and so many people ask for a discount, we always say no because we have items that are over $4,000 and it is hard to give a discount on small items. I understand when backpackers ask for a discount and every once in a while I give a person a little break, but it amazes me that a family that is at a Eco-lodge that is $350/day/person not incuding tours or booze asks for a discount on one of the cheapest items in the store, or they may buy 2 and ask for it. I say no, but I really want to ask if they ask for a discount at McDonalds when they buy 2 hamburgers?
And the Geek Shall Inherit the Earth
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Hendal wrote:
We run and arts & crraft store in Costa Rica and so many people ask for a discount, we always say no because we have items that are over $4,000 and it is hard to give a discount on small items. I understand when backpackers ask for a discount and every once in a while I give a person a little break, but it amazes me that a family that is at a Eco-lodge that is $350/day/person not incuding tours or booze asks for a discount on one of the cheapest items in the store, or they may buy 2 and ask for it. I say no, but I really want to ask if they ask for a discount at McDonalds when they buy 2 hamburgers?


Do you mean 4000 US DOLLARS or 4000 COSTA RICAN COLONS? (the equivalent of $8)

If the former, then your attitude is, shall we say, surprising.

If the latter, then yeah, it's tacky on their part.
5. Board Game Designer: Reiner Knizia
Bruce Baskir
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Your scholastic average would equal your grade in your worst subject.
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That's not necessarily a bad idea...depending upon what you take.
Preston Fuller
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Wow, that almost goes along with MLK's beloved community formula.

A nation's health is measured not by how the wealthiest among them fare but rather, how the poorest fair fare. (paraphrased)

We shall call it, Knizian Justice.
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Edited Wed Jun 11, 2008 9:15 pm
Bill Eldard
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. . . and our numeric system would be Base 5. :D
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Prestonisnormal wrote:
Wow, that almost goes along with MLK's beloved community formula.

A nation's health is measured not by how the wealthiest among them fair but rather, how the poorest fair. (paraphrased)

We shall call it, Knizian Justice.


Fare.

Sorry, Preston, I know that's twice in one week. Great quote, concept and boardgaming tie-in, though.
Brian Thomas
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Fare.


Great. Now we all fail everything because Preston can't spell.
Preston Fuller
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What happens when you mix dyslexia, with fast typing and talking to people while typing on the geek? You get me in all my spilleng blunderz.
6. Board Game Designer: Sid Sackson
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The tax code would be simplified to fit on a single sheet of paper - but would still provide plenty of opportunity for creative financing.
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7. Board Game Designer: Jim Dunnigan
Bruce Baskir
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5.3) Pedestrian movement - A pedestrian unit may only enter a road on a crosswalk hex (see Terrain Chart 8.4)
5.31) A pedestrian unit must expend two movement points looking both ways before entering a road hex.
5.32) A pedestrian unit less than eight years old may only enter a road hex when stacked with an adult unit.
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This is always the way I cross the street...but I've played this game often enough that I rarely have to refer back to the rulebook.
Tristan Brightman
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Luckily whenever I cross the road there is no opposing endpoint. That could be tricky. I walk swiftly and without opposition to the opposite endpoint, whereupon I consider my crossing complete.

I'm trying to imagine what an opposing endpoint would be like. Maybe it would have spikes.
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supertris wrote:
Luckily whenever I cross the road there is no opposing endpoint. That could be tricky. I walk swiftly and without opposition to the opposite endpoint, whereupon I consider my crossing complete.

I'm trying to imagine what an opposing endpoint would be like. Maybe it would have spikes.


" to place opposite or against something"

Michael Edwards
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Just watch out for the crossing guards, they have zones of control!
Anders Gabrielsson
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5.32.3) A pedestrian unit less than eight years old may enter a road hex provided all of the following conditions are fulfilled:
a) It is at least seven years old;
b) It is stacked with a female pedestrian unit which fulfills the Retirement Conditions (see 65.2.3);
c) It is flipped to its Scout side;
d) It has a good deed marker stacked below it;
e) It does not have a good deed marker stacked on top of it.
8. Board Game Designer: Alan R. Moon
Bruce Baskir
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By law, getting there would be half the fun.

Conductor, when you receive a fare,
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare,
A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare,
A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare,
Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

-Samuel Clemens
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Not if someone else gets there first!
Preston Fuller
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He would be a horrid director of Transportation. People would be required to ride elf carts, clouds and unicorns.

It would be legal to put trees in the road to block traffic and perfectly fine to make a short train ride from Boston to DC go all the way to San Fran down to Little Rock and back up through Atlanta before it got to DC.
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Prestonisnormal wrote:
He would be a horrid director of Transportation. People would be required to ride elf carts, clouds and unicorns.

It would be legal to put trees in the road to block traffic and perfectly fine to make a short train ride from Boston to DC go all the way to San Fran down to Little Rock and back up through Atlanta before it got to DC.


I refer you to John Varley's description of Titantown, in his trilogy starting with Titan.
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Prestonisnormal wrote:
He would be a horrid director of Transportation. People would be required to ride elf carts, clouds and unicorns.

It would be legal to put trees in the road to block traffic and perfectly fine to make a short train ride from Boston to DC go all the way to San Fran down to Little Rock and back up through Atlanta before it got to DC.


Thus earning you the longest route bonus (a slightly better chance of coming out ahead) and taking the chance of running out of the means to get you there.
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Edited Thu Jun 12, 2008 4:32 pm
Dave VanderArk
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kathn wrote:
Prestonisnormal wrote:
He would be a horrid director of Transportation. People would be required to ride elf carts, clouds and unicorns.

It would be legal to put trees in the road to block traffic and perfectly fine to make a short train ride from Boston to DC go all the way to San Fran down to Little Rock and back up through Atlanta before it got to DC.


Thus earning you the longest route bonus (a slightly better chance of coming out ahead) and taking the chance of running out of the means to get you there.


Except if you wanted to go to Duluth but ended up in St. Paul.
9. Board Game Designer: Gary Gygax
Bruce Baskir
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Before the Inspired One ascended to heaven, he gave but one law:

Thou shalt use thy imagination.

The Apocrypha, however, fills volumes.
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Darrell Hanning
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A slight caveat to that - "Thou shalt use thy imagination, until the market can no longer bear it."

Which will no doubt put me on any number of Public Enemy Number One lists.
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Quote:
Thou shalt use my thy imagination.


Given how Gygax kept changing the "Official Rules" during the days of AD&D, I think this would be more appropriate...
Sean McKitrick
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There's also the advantage that the best way to advance your career is by killing things! In addition to XP, you also get to take whatever random treasure they have.
MYOB MYOB
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Heh. "Thou shalt use my imagination" sounds more like Gygax.
10. Board Game Designer: Friedemann Friese
Olivier
Canada
Montreal
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Every law must begin with the letter " F"
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Richard Cox
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Kingston
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F! that.



:)

Punko
Timothy Hunt
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St Louis
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kimapesan wrote:
Then they would be flaws.


They already are.
Alain Baum
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IngredientX wrote:
On the other hand, the new national flag would be pretty easy to make.


Sorry, already taken. http://en.wikipedia.org/Libya

:)
Gary Webster
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If you don't FFFollow the law you will be:

FFFined!
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Timotheous wrote:
kimapesan wrote:
Then they would be flaws.


They already are.


amen brother
11. Board Game Designer: (Uncredited)
Ben Lott
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Mason
Michigan
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You wouldn't know who to blame for the laws you really hate.
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Olivier
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Or the designer blame the publisher, claiming they modified completely his law project.
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Edited Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:50 pm
12. Board Game Designer: Richard Borg
Tom Grant
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During debates in the House of Representatives, the Speaker and the Minority Leader alternate playing cards. For example:

Probe Left: A Member of Congress may muse about the Framers' intentions behind the Second Amendment for 5 minutes.

Attack Right: A Member may filibuster against any anti-flag burning legislation.

Barrage: Several Members appearing on TV news shows can pound the airwaves with the same talking points.

Ambush: A Member can launch an unexpected ad hominem attack on another Member, based on scandalous photos taken in the Democratic or Republican cloakroom.
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13. Board Game Designer: Andrew Looney
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January = You can only do one thing every day.

February = You can do 2 things per day.

March = You can do 2 things per day but you're only allowed to own 4 items.

April = You can do as many things as you are able per day, but are still only allowed to own 4 items.

May = You can only do one thing per day again and you can only own 2 items.

June = You can do one thing per day and are allowed as many items as you want.

July = All you need is Love.
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Ryan Hackel
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Unless the Space-Time Continuum is destroyed, and everyone loses.
Tyrel Lohr
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cerulean wrote:
Unless the Space-Time Continuum is destroyed, and everyone loses.


Not necessarily; Crazy Joe may still win :)
14. Board Game Designer: Christophe Boelinger
Olivier
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Montreal
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Laws could be rotated either clockwise or counter-clockwise, changing completely their meaning.

MekaLawyers could turn the laws in any direction they want. :devil:
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15. Board Game Designer: Francis Tresham
Darrell Hanning
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Conflict in the Middle East would be resolved by shoving an excess number of people into the region, and seeing who starves first.

Come to think of it, that isn't far from the truth, under some regimes in Africa...
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Mark Kittel
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Unless there's a city in the region. In which case, the entire city must be disassembled and its citizens allowed to starve.
Richard Lea
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So Tresham's responsible for Gaza!
16. Board Game Designer: Klaus Teuber
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No, one thing in the world shall be worth more than three of any other thing in the world.
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Peter Vrabel
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I exchange four marshmallows for a new sportscar.
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How big of a structure does something next to a body of water need to be to be considered a port? Would a camper and an inflatable raft work? That two for one exchange would be sweet.
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Hungadunga wrote:
A.
Quote:
No one thing in the world shall be worth more than three of any other thing in the world.


B. There are only four things in the world that are worth anything.


That would be five, actually. Sheep, Ore, Grain, Brick, and Lumber.

Or Lumber, Ore, Grain, Oil and Diamonds.
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unixrevolution wrote:
Hungadunga wrote:
A.
Quote:
No one thing in the world shall be worth more than three of any other thing in the world.


B. There are only four things in the world that are worth anything.


That would be five, actually. Sheep, Ore, Grain, Brick, and Lumber.

Or Lumber, Ore, Grain, Oil and Diamonds.


I dunno. Whenever I play, whatever is in my hand is usually worthless - I don't need it, and nobody wants it.
Junior McSpiffy
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Hungadunga wrote:
I dunno. Whenever I play, whatever is in my hand is usually worthless - I don't need it, and nobody wants it.


What an appropriate comment for the game that celebrates the phrase "wood for sheep".
17. Board Game Designer: Dean Essig
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There would be only a few sets of laws. But each set would have to cover a lot of different situations.
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Dice can never be the same color.
18. Board Game Designer: Dirk Henn
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In Charge of United Gaming Nations.

All military conflict will be decided by placing troops into a giant tower along with a few members of the local populace.

Military members may choose to hang out in the tower or relase themselves from the slats of the tower to join a random fight.

Only two conflicts are allowed per country/region per year.

All neutral soldiers will be placed in the cup unharmed and not subject to torture, according to the Wallenstein-Shogun Accord Article:8 Section 12.

All Governments will be responsible for providing enough grain to their populace per year or revolts will occur. Forget election year anger, Wallace means a people's revolt!
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Mark Kittel
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Or:

In all conflicts between first-world powers, every other first-world power shall be required to fight in the conflict; neutrality is not permitted.
19. Board Game Designer: Stefan Feld
Mike E
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Young interns will see you first but can only help one person. More experienced doctors can help two people but must see you last. Of course, some HMOs may already have this rule.
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20. Board Game Designer: Dirk Henn
Todd N.
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The good part:

Congressmen and Representatives no longer vote on bills and laws. They are all assigned a color and are then thrown inside a gigantic 30 story tall cube tower. The surviving winners get to decide what to do. The
President and Vice President have to clear the dead out of the giant tray to help tally the results.

The bad:

The tax code changes with the government only allowed to do 10 things per season. Taxes are now collected once per season; with the general public only knowing when they will get taxed if it is one of the first five things on the government's agenda. If it isn't; then they will just let you know when it gets here.
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21. Board Game Designer: Emiliano Sciarra
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* You can't fire a gun on a person that is more than 10 feet away... unless you challenge him/her to a duel.

* Traffic signs with more complicated regulations only show an inscription: "Check the traffic law book."

* Police officers may break the law, since they can't be imprisoned.

* Hospitals are replaced by bars.
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I have a business, installing styrofoam nuns. (Erik Warnes)
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Hilarious. :)
22. Board Game Publisher: Doris & Frank
Kevin Cowtan
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York
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The hedgehog is boss.

There must always be the same number of people on the left as on the right, give or take one or two.

If you don't want to starve you must eat three other people's - oh, maybe not.
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Georg Deifuss
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As long as I don't have to eat other ones shit... :gulp:
23. Board Game Designer: Lidwien Steenbrink
Preston Fuller
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Public nudity laws would be thrown out the window.
5
Hunga Dunga
United States
Unspecified
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Women would be allowed to show their breasts in public, but only one breast at a time.
24. Board Game Designer: Michael Schacht
Bruce Baskir
United States

Missouri
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Anyone owning more than three collections will be penalized.
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25. Board Game Publisher: Fantasy Flight Games
JT Smythe
Australia
Sydney
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All Lawyers and Judges would be replaced by decks of random legal actions. Everyone would be convinced that the system was indeed alive and could think and plot just like real lawyers.

"Defence deck draws objection on admissability of evidence"
"Prosecution deck draws counter argument concerning the public good"
"Judge deck draws....Sustained, remove 2 clue tokens from the prosecution physical evidence pile"
6
Ingo Ahrens
Germany
Winsen Luhe
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Paper and coin money will be replaced by plastic money produced in China.
Andrew McGee
United Kingdom

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Some lawyers (myself among them) are quite attracted to the idea that the court system already consists largely of random legal actions, so this might not be much of a change.
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3 comments [Hide]
This geeklist made Dr. Pepper spew out of my nose! It stings!
Bill Eldard
United States
Burke
Virginia
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Great list! :)
Tobias Gas
Germany
Leipzig
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thanks for showing me why plato didnt come up with the answer "game designers!" to his question: "who shall rule the state?" (i always wondered about that :P )
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