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Games involving elf death
Professor of Pain
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I don’t know when it started. Did the name come first, or the burning in my breast? Its hard to tell, maybe an assumption was made, maybe I was labeled as a deviant and the label stuck, eating away at my hope and childhood innocence, hollowing out my soul only to fill it until the label became my identity, providing me with stability and peace of mind…

Maybe, instead, it was in reaction to some event, perhaps a bad cookie,
or a shoddily crafted toy received from Santa,
or a bad dental experience,
some event that turned me against the fancy-pantsed, the preternaturally beautiful and graceful, the vertically challenged, in short… elves, in all their forms. Whatever the cause, I have come to accept it, to embrace the yearning for their suffering, their destruction, their death and dismemberment. I have come to accept that I am Elfbane, bane of elves!

In the spirit of my new-found comfort with my identity, with the fervor of any new convert, I seek to bring others to my enlightened state. I invite you all then, to learn what it is to be scourge to the fair folk, slayer of cookie makers, torturer of toy builders. Herein lies the path. You must stoke the fires of distaste into an inferno of demagoguery by exercising every opportunity to engage in imagined acts of violence towards elves. To help you on this path, I present a list of games involving elf death, or potential violence against elves. Enjoy!

If you come to see the light, and can help others along this path, please add appropriate games to the list!
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Posted Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:42 am
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1. Board Game: Dungeoneer: Haunted Woods of Malthorin [Average Rating:6.42 Overall Rank:1314]
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Professor of Pain
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This might be the best place to start, given that the game begins with elf death. From the game's BGG page: "The betrothed of an elven prince was brutally slain on the day of their wedding." Ahhh. Gets you in the right frame of mind straight off.
4
2. Board Game: War of the Ring [Average Rating:7.92 Overall Rank:15]
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Professor of Pain
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Who cares about winning?! I suggest you always play the Shadow Armies, ignore other objectives, and relentlessly attack the elves until not one unit is left on the board.
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3. Board Game: Wizard Kings [Average Rating:6.88 Overall Rank:508]
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Professor of Pain
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Swift blazing flag of the regiment,
Eagle with crest of red and gold,
These men were born to drill and die.
Point for them the virtue of slaughter,
Make plain to them the excellence of killing
And a field where a thousand corpses lie.

from, Stephen Crane's "Do not weep, maiden, for war is kind"
4
4. Board Game: Blood Bowl - Second Edition: Elves, Dwarfs and Dungeonbowl [Average Rating:6.30 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.30 Unranked]
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Professor of Pain
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St. Cloud
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Remember, always play against the elves!
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Randy Dreger
Australia
Ballarat
Victoria
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My very first thought was "Blood Bowl!"

I have a dwarf team and Chaos team. I've killed lots of elves.
Jason M
Canada
Medicine Hat
Alberta
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Heck, in this game - plenty of elves have killed plenty of other elves! Due to their lower armour, elf-elf games are usually full of carnage.
5. Board Game: Elves Under Hoof [Average Rating:6.19 Unranked]
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Professor of Pain
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St. Cloud
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You control reindeer who must fight against evil elves. 'nuff said.
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bestia immonda
Italy
bologna
Unspecified
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C'mon that game doesn't exist, it can be true....!
Michael Webb

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Finding out this game exists alone makes this list fantastic, let alone all the wonderful humorous content :)
6. Board Game: Battleground: Fantasy Warfare [Average Rating:7.21 Overall Rank:355]
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7. Board Game: Mighty Armies [Average Rating:6.77 Unranked]
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Professor of Pain
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Destroy whole elven armies!
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8. Board Game: The Christmas Wars [Average Rating:1.00 Unranked]
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Professor of Pain
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War in the north pole means sure death for at least some elves!
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9. Board Game: Swords & Sorcery [Average Rating:6.77 Overall Rank:1683]
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Professor of Pain
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More elf death on the scale of armies!
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10. Board Game: Dungeons & Dragons Miniatures [Average Rating:6.57 Overall Rank:864]
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Professor of Pain
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Some of the miniatures are elves. Just make sure your opponent has elves in their warband.
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Edited Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:41 am
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11. Board Game: Wood Wars: Fantasy Miniatures Game [Average Rating:7.11 Unranked]
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Professor of Pain
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This is a bit more advanced for developing your elf-hate, as the components are relatively abstract. However, if you have the right mindset you can imagine the screams of falling elvish warriors and the scent of elven blood on the battlefield...
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Import Weykick! :)
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This game looks fun.
Christopher Lawrence
United States
Mos Angeles
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morningstar wrote:
What does elven blood smell like? Mint?

Artaxerxes wrote:
Elven blood smells like victory.


You guys make me laugh. :D
Professor of Pain
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Victory... and justice!
Robert Wesley
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;) For even GREATER 'Elven' "justice", then REMOVE every 'Zig'! goo
Edited Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:43 am
I am Jajax!
United States

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Elfbane wrote:
Victory... and justice!

What does that smell like?
12. Board Game: HeroQuest [Average Rating:6.76 Overall Rank:490]
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John Markovich
Australia

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So, you're not supposed to kill the elf... But he just went for the treasure while letting you face all the skeletons.

Can you resist? Will his wiggling elven ears of mischief tempt you to destroy five years of friendship and confine 'Quest to the attic?
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Edited Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:11 pm
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Michael Webb

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I suggest sneaking out a secret door when he isn't looking and setting the Fimirs loose on him.
Matt Davis
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This sounds awfully familiar. In our campaign in college (yes, college), the Elf searched for treasure all the blinking time. He ended up with the Spell Ring and refused to give it to the Wizard until he got trapped behind a wall of rock. The wizard had to blackmail him against his life to finally get the Ring. It was amazing.
Robert Wesley
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:p Elf: "Knock knock!"
Wizard: "Who's THERE?
Elf: "Elf behind 'wall of rock'!"
Wizard: "Elf behind 'wall of rock' who's 'got' MY 'ring'!?!"
Elf: "perhaps?"
robot


13. Board Game: Stomp! [Average Rating:5.44 Overall Rank:4729]
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Kristian Madsen
Sweden
Uppsala
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You'd love this. Stomp! the pesky Elves infesting the garden.

/kgm
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14. Board Game: Fairy Meat [Average Rating:5.81 Overall Rank:4162]
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Christian Ulrich
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From the pictures in the header it seems that those you hate are fairys. So why don't you let take them care about thems"elves", and then finish the last, fat and bloaten ones up. zombie
15. Board Game: Heroscape Expansion Set: Defenders of Kinsland [Average Rating:7.78 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.78 Unranked]
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Robert Carroll
United States
Lawrence
Kansas
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Make sure your opponent adds enough elves in his/her army to make it worth your while . . . wait, taking out elves is ALWAYS worth your while!
11
16. Board Game: Dragon Dice [Average Rating:5.48 Overall Rank:4959]
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Robert Carroll
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Lawrence
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Nothing like the smell of burning Lava Elves in the morning . . .
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Señor Evil Monkey
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Sittingbourne
Kent
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...it smells like...
Breakfast!

:angry:
Plague World Cylon
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Shelton
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Tastes like chicken.
Franklin Turner
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Fultondale
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Elf - the other white meat
17. Board Game: Magic: The Gathering [Average Rating:7.29 Overall Rank:116]
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Robert Carroll
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The King is dead, long live the King!
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18. Board Game: The Beastlord [Average Rating:5.63 Overall Rank:4379]
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Robert Carroll
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A whole army to defeat . . .
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19. Board Game: World of Warcraft Trading Card Game [Average Rating:6.68 Overall Rank:778]
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Robert Carroll
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Choose from Night and Blood . . .
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20. Board Game: Fight the Power [Average Rating:3.43 Unranked]
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Robert Carroll
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Santa's Elves take on each other as they vie for control in the overthrow of the Man in Red.
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21. Board Game: Warhammer Fantasy Battle [Average Rating:6.53 Overall Rank:791]
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Detlef Vanis
Germany

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Three elven races to kill!!!
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Roy Hasson
Israel
Beit Elazari
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Amazing you took the words right out of my mouth!
paidoniai ludendae est
United States
Howard County
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My friend plays elves to my skaven. I often outnumber him 2:1 and even when I lose, there are a lot of elves who won't be going to Elfsylvania when the campaign season's over.
22. Board Game: Munchkin [Average Rating:6.00 Overall Rank:1866]
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Mike Bar|ow
Canada
Victoria
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Be the elf!
Refuse treasure!
Refuse help!
And you can experience elf death over and over again!
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Les Haskell
United States
Old Hickory
Tennessee
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Or when someone else is an elf and they kick down a door and encounter a monster don't forget all those wonderful monster enchancement cards in your hand. It doesn't matter how powerful the enhancements make the goldfish; you will still get to mock the elf if he has to run away.
23. Board Game: Doom of the Eldar [Average Rating:6.43 Overall Rank:2173]
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Don Weed
United States
Ferndale
Washington
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The title says it all (the Eldar are elves in W40K).
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24. Board Game: Man O' War [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:576]
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Play Games - Interact - Have Fun (A - Geek - Cola)
United States
Modesto
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Elves die at sea as well.

Man O War features two versions of the Elf race. First there is the High Elfs who use sleek catamarans to glide effortlessly across the seas, graceful and beautiful to behold.

Then there is their evil kindred, the Dark Elves, practioners of powerful dark magic who use mighty magic spells to both bind ferocious creatures to carry or pull them on the water, as well as to float and move huge mountains of stone upon which they build castles and carve complex caverns deep inside to carry both Elf and beast.

High Elf ships:



Dark Elf ships:

2
Daniel Rocchi
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Toronto
Ontario
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Why do these all look like the boat from H.R. Pufnstuf?









25. Board Game: King of the Elves [Average Rating:6.26 Overall Rank:1158]
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Ray Jankowski
United States
Overland Park
Kansas
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Well, the first line in the rulebook says it all...'The Elven King is dead'!!
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Edited Sun Jun 29, 2008 3:46 pm
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20 comments [Hide]
Tim Fiscus
Germany
Landstuhl
Rhineland-Pfalz
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I'm Hermie, the misfit elf dentist, and I DO NOT approve this message.
Bernd Caspers
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Mönchengladbach
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Bwian wrote:
Actually, I'm usually on the side of the elves.


Sir, I must ask you to leave the thread!
William Simonitis
United States
Rahway
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The Jakster wrote:
Bwian wrote:
Actually, I'm usually on the side of the elves.


Sir, I must ask you to leave the thread!

Or, at the very least, renounce your foolish allegiance to the elfspawn that infest modern gaming.
Hey Nonny Mouse
United States
Longmont
Colorado
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Datharaur wrote:
The Jakster wrote:
Bwian wrote:
Actually, I'm usually on the side of the elves.

Sir, I must ask you to leave the thread!

Or, at the very least, renounce your foolish allegiance to the elfspawn that infest modern gaming.

And if I did that, who would lead elves to the slaughter? How would generations still unborn learn of their need to slay elves?

Won't someone think of the children!!!!1!
Matt Hoskins
United States
Broken Arrow
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Hungadunga wrote:
How can we expect to attract more elves to this hobby with Geeklists like this?

Don't get it? Try replacing the word "elves" with "Ents"...how does that make you feel NOW?


Like hand-carving a new canoe...
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