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An Avalanche Of Games Ranked By Pain Infliction
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I was trying to think of a new angle for a geeklist as I was cleaning up my basement computer room a few nights ago. I was thinking of a few ideas when it finally hit me and I mean that in a literal sense. I have a large stack of games sitting on top of a rolling plastic trolly that is about five feet high. As I moved the trolly to clean behind it, a wheel snapped off the bottom and the tower of games that was piled on top rained down on me. There was pain. There was horror. There was moaning. The only saving grace is none of the boxes popped open. I came away with a few dings and dents to my little body and an idea to rank the games that hit me by the amount of pain they could inflict if dropped from a height of eight feet. The scale goes from 1 to 5 with 5 being the most painful.
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Posted On: 2008-07-25 10:44:37
Edited On: 2008-07-25 10:45:21
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Pain Ranking: A good solid 4, almost 5.
I caught this fully loaded box right on top of my head. I almost saw stars and I did stagger for a moment after the blow. At six pounds, this is probally one of the heaviest games in my collection. I'm just glad I didn't have time yet to clean it out and jam as many of the expansions into the box as I could.
This could be a game you could keep beside your bed to help you fend off a home invader. Probally just as effective as a sock full of doorknobs except you can't play a tatical wargame with a sack of doorknobs... or can you? |
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5 Comments []
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Posted On: 2008-07-25 09:52:19
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Pain Ranking: 4.
I was lucky that this game only grazed by cheek and hit me square on my right shoulder. Apart from a small mark, I think I got off lucky. A sharp corner from this sucker could have left me with a good nick on my face or worse yet, if this thing hit my foot, I would be limping for a while.
At 5.5 pounds, this game comes second as the heaviest in my collection. Much like a coffee table, its the damn corners you have to watch out form. Next time, I'll know to chant "Cthulhu fhtagn" as a prayer of mercy to the gaming box gods. |
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1 Comment []
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Posted On: 2008-07-25 09:56:50
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Pain Ranking: It should be a 1, but I bumped it for a 2 for nailing me just right.
After the initial one two punch of the heavy games, I had a momentary relief as a few smaller boxes tumble down upon me. The fear left my body as I realized the boxes were small (maybe 4 by 3 by 1 inches) and I dropped my guard during this second wave.
That was a big mistake.
I watched the Set 4 box tumble past my vision and hit me square on the top of my right foot with one of its corner. I couldn't hold back my pain and let out a good yelp. As the box found a find resting place, I glared at it because it had left a red welt. It was a short glare because it had two partners following it... |
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1 Comment []
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Posted On: 2008-07-25 10:01:08
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Pain Ranking: A solid 2 because it is made of some strong stuff.
My anger with the Duel of Ages Set 4 box was brief because I saw the King In Yellow out of the corner of my eye. It slammed harmlessly off my left arm and kept going to the floor. It was a mild sting and I was beginning to wonder if Cthulu had it in for me because its brother box struck me on the other arm... |
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1 Comment []
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Posted On: 2008-07-25 10:03:55
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Pain Ranking: It gets a 2 just for the box material alone.
At this point in my avalanche of pain, if someone started to sing "It's Raining Cthulu", I would not have been surprised.
Following its brother box, the Dark Pharaoh nailed me right in the upper arm muscle with a corner and that made me wince. It kept on going to the floor and landed beside the King In Yellow box.
Screw this "Maybe Contain Small Parts" warning. These damn things need "Has Sharp Corners. Do Not Stack Over X Feet High." warnings.
At this point, I assumed the worst was over. I had survived the two heaviest games in my collection and I figured that the pain was over.
Never assume anything because it only makes an "arse" out of "u" and "me". |
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Posted On: 2008-07-29 12:25:50
You just need to number those babies, roll a few dice and maneuver those babies on an oversized hex-grid.
Heck if someone was creative a new genre could be created - The Dexterity-Wargame...You throw them at the enemy as an act of war and they have to dodge or feel the pain!
You just need to number those babies, roll a few dice and maneuver those babies on an oversized hex-grid.
Heck if someone was creative a new genre could be created - The Dexterity-Wargame...You throw them at the enemy as an act of war and they have to dodge or feel the pain!
Dexterity Wargame you say?
You just need to number those babies, roll a few dice and maneuver those babies on an oversized hex-grid.
Heck if someone was creative a new genre could be created - The Dexterity-Wargame...You throw them at the enemy as an act of war and they have to dodge or feel the pain!
Dexterity Wargame you say?
Now I have to play that, at least once!