How to be a right bastard!
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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We all know the situation: your friends want to play that game you don't feel like playing. Ever again...
Now you could be civilised and engage in a futile conversation hoping they will change their minds but it's a lot more fun to just act like a right bastard to make them sorry they ever made such an unacceptable suggestion.

Feel free to add your own.

NOTE: Four of these actually happened to me, the other 4 were made up, try to guess which ones really happened.

(inspired by http://fumbbl.com )
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1. Board Game: Jungle Speed [Average Rating:6.62 Overall Rank:833]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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Instead of grabbing the totem every time simply hit it as hard as you can from the side so it goes flying across the table, preferably towards someone wearing glasses.
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2. Board Game: Citadels [Average Rating:7.17 Overall Rank:238]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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Always take the assassin ( if he's not available, take the thief) and assassinate the king while maniacally shouting "You had it coming you ostentatious, monarchic bastard!".
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3. Board Game: Catan: Cities & Knights – 5-6 Player Extension [Average Rating:7.15 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.15 Unranked]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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Whenever it's your turn to roll the dice aim for the board and take out as many pieces as you possible can. If you manage to hit 10 pieces jump up and yell "SSSST-RIKE!". Be sure to try to high five the other players afterwards.
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4. Board Game: Maharaja: The Game of Palace Building in India [Average Rating:7.19 Overall Rank:363]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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For the entire game, only take the action that switches around the city order on the track.
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5. Board Game: Saboteur [Average Rating:6.66 Overall Rank:694]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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Don't look at your role and make sure everyone has noticed you didn't look. Just play like a saboteur anyway. Dead ends are your friend!
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6. Board Game: Carcassonne: Hunters and Gatherers [Average Rating:7.15 Overall Rank:306]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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Try to get one of your own meeples on your opponent's forests/rivers/hunting grounds whenever possible. When you get them together arrange them in Kama Sutra-like poses and utter a Beavis and Butthead like "huhuhuhuhu".
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7. Board Game: Keythedral [Average Rating:7.11 Overall Rank:472]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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Every turn bid outrageously on the start player token. And every turn give it to the same player, preferably to your left. If anyone asks what you're doing calmly explain them their feeble minds cannot comprehend your superior tactics.
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8. Board Game: Magic: The Gathering [Average Rating:7.43 Overall Rank:131]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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Make the ultimate denial deck: cram it full with Counterspells, Icy Manipulators, Maze of Ith and the like. Don't include any damage cards, creatures or other cards that could directly hurt your opponent (not even Millstones). Every time you counter one of his spells start humming "Can't touch this!".
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9. Board Game: Halli Galli [Average Rating:5.83 Overall Rank:3519]
Gerard K.
Netherlands
Zwolle
Overijsel
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Always be the last to hit the bell when all the other hands are on the bell ... and hit it HARD
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10. Board Game: Blood Bowl: Living Rulebook [Average Rating:7.88 Overall Rank:120]
Gert Corthout
Belgium
Lille
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This one works best when playing with a time limit. At the start of your turn set up 7 men ready to assist a gang foul. Then take the rest of your time limit silently thinking out your masterplan. If your opponents asks whether you still want to do something reply something like: "I think I've seen a golden opportunity, I just need a second to think it through." Then in the last seconds of your turn you go ahead and make the foul action.
Do this every turn of the game.
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11. Board Game: RoboRally [Average Rating:7.19 Overall Rank:241]
Paul Glenn
United States
Wheaton
Maryland
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You can play this by ignoring the flags and simply try to kill other players' robots.
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12. Board Game: Ikusa [Average Rating:7.02 Overall Rank:521]
Paul Glenn
United States
Wheaton
Maryland
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I guess this makes us all bastards, but when my friends and I played this, we ignored the victory conditions and tried to kill as many enemy armies as possible.
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13. Board Game: How To Be A Complete Bastard [Average Rating:3.56 Unranked]
Yoki Erdtman
Sweden
Södertälje
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You could just play How To Be A Complete Bastard, a game that rewards cheating - you can be called on to prove how you've been cheating - with the win going to the biggest bastard at the table. It's icky, nasty, and gross, but the winner is most definitely a complete bastard!
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14. Board Game: Poker [Average Rating:6.70 Overall Rank:733]
Erik D
United States
Elmhurst
New York
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Splash the pot.
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15. Board Game: Burger Wars [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Stven Carlberg
United States
Decatur
Georgia
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Why waste time on games when you can be a right bastard in the real world?

Go to the drive-through lane at any fast food joint. When they hand you your food, don't drive away but just sit there in your car. At first you can pretend you're checking your order to be sure it's all there, but after a minute just put your car in park and start eating your lunch. Roll up your windows and if anybody taps on them, turn your car stereo up real loud so that the booming bass is louder than anyone yelling outside.

After about 10 minutes, they'll call the police, so drive away real fast, first putting your car in reverse "accidentally" so that you'll crash into the car behind you in line.

It's better if the car you're driving is one you stole, just in case anybody writes down the license tag number.
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16. Board Game: Apples to Apples [Average Rating:6.05 Overall Rank:2066] [Average Rating:6.05 Unranked]

Eugene
Oregon
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Play cards blindly in the order in which you drew them. Inform your opponents that you're doing this. If you start winning, tell them they're overthinking this very braindead game.
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17. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.10 Overall Rank:7]
Olivier Lamontagne
Canada
Montreal
Quebec
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Always take the first player space, every turn, as your first action, then look at the last player and smile.

Then make a bigger family without caring about food and begging cards.
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18. Board Game: Jenga [Average Rating:5.53 Overall Rank:9939]
Juan Siso
Spain
barcelona
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When other player is taking his turn start yelling "Come on we don't have the whole d*mn day!!!!".
11 
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19. Board Game: Caylus [Average Rating:7.89 Overall Rank:23]
Juan Siso
Spain
barcelona
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Always move the mayor three space backwards... and then again and again.
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20. Board Game: Civilization [Average Rating:7.53 Overall Rank:147]
Juan Siso
Spain
barcelona
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Eat Cheetos or fried chicken during the trade phase and say "who wants goooooold? I've got gooooooooold"

EDIT: Spell checking
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21. Board Game: Busen Memo [Average Rating:4.85 Overall Rank:11639]
Juan Siso
Spain
barcelona
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Take a card and keep looking at it for two minutes. After that ask one of your parters "oh, by the way. How'w your wife? Haven't seen her for a while..."

PS: Choose a player you can beat.
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22. Board Game: No Thanks! [Average Rating:7.04 Overall Rank:350]
Frank McGirk
South Korea
Pohang
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Pick a player, and play as if that player loses, you win!

Whaddya mean I have no business taking a 33 with 2 chips on it. I can't let you get it for your 34...



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23. Board Game: Diplomacy [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:389]
Shane Beck
Australia
Not Applicable
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Lock an opposing player in the closet a minute before the deadline for orders in a Diplomacy tournament........
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24. Board Game: Monsters Menace America [Average Rating:5.99 Overall Rank:2543]
Murray Fish
Australia
Canberra
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1. Choose Air Force (or Navy) as your military branch.
2. Always deploy the maximun amount of cruise missiles that you can.
3. Always launch them at the same player.
4. Justify this with the explaination that you're doing this to help them as they'll get a mutation if you they can't destroy it and roll a 1.
5. Look shocked and confused when they are sent to Hollywood. Express your disappointment with their poor dice rolling.

Bonus points are awarded if you also make sure to stomp as many sites near them as possible - claiming that you're doing this to stop them getting distracted by too much choice.
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25. Board Game: Bausack [Average Rating:6.91 Overall Rank:636]
Lou Seelbach
United States
Huntington
West Virginia
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Bump the table.
 
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