"You've Lost and You'll Like It!" Board Gaming With Chuck Norris
Flying Dutchman
Canada
London
Ontario
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One of my favourite shows of all time is \\\"Walker: Texas Ranger\\\" which starred the acclaimed actor Chuck Norris (also the star of such masterly films as the Missing in Action series). Now I must confess, that the only reason I really watched this show was because my father-in-law and I found that it so deeply appalled and irritated our wives -- not that we are in the habit of intentially irritating our spouses, who are truly better than we deserve -- but it was terribly amusing to see how they reacted when we collected our snacks and went downstairs to watch that \\\"stupid cowboy show\\\" again. At any rate, a chance enconter with \\\"Walker\\\" a couple of days ago -- and my wife\\\'s renewed indignation at the prospect -- made me wonder what it would be like if Chuck Norris -- martial artist and bad-guy slayer extraordinaire, were also a boardgamer. As a tribute to Chuck then, here are a few observations about what it would be like to play board games with Chuck Norris!

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101. Board Game: Fire [Average Rating:6.06 Overall Rank:6767]
Wade Schwendemann
United States
San Diego
California
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Has a Chuck Norris escape!
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102. Board Game: Nuclear Destruction [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
James Luksich
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It is a little known fact that the first atomic bombs didn't actually contain uranium, instead they contained Chuck Norris.
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103. Board Game: LCR [Average Rating:2.92 Overall Rank:11177]
Adam Slape
United States
Collinsville
Illinois
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Chuck Norris is on your left and your right.
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104. Board Game: Memoir '44 [Average Rating:7.53 Overall Rank:88] [Average Rating:7.53 Unranked]
Massimiliano Santuari
Italy
Trento
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Chuck Norris variant: you fight with just one Chuck Norris unit which cannot be killed.
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105. Board Game: Texas [Average Rating:5.00 Unranked]
Massimiliano Santuari
Italy
Trento
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Texas...
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106. Board Game: Ranger [Average Rating:7.00 Unranked]
Massimiliano Santuari
Italy
Trento
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...ranger!
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107. Board Game: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Battling Dice Game [Average Rating:4.50 Unranked]
Massimiliano Santuari
Italy
Trento
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1000 Power rangers can't beat one Texas ranger
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108. Board Game: Puerto Rico [Average Rating:8.14 Overall Rank:5]
Paul Turfrey
England
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Chuck Norris is always the Governor
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109. Board Game: Bruce Lee [Average Rating:4.00 Unranked]
Eric Kwei
United States
Goleta / Santa Barbara
California
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Board games...don't hit back. Especially against Chuck Norris.
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110. Board Game: Outside the Scope of BGG [Average Rating:6.78 Overall Rank:1725]
Eric Kwei
United States
Goleta / Santa Barbara
California
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Originally inside the scope of BGG, these activities were not board games in the sense defined by Chuck Norris and were subsequently roundhouse kicked.
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111. Board Game: Kingsburg [Average Rating:7.26 Overall Rank:199]
Andrea Chiarvesio
Italy
Torino
Piemonte
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If Chuck Norris plays Kingsburg, he doesn't have to influence the King. He IS the king.
No enemies will ever attach a realm whose king is Chuck Norris.
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112. Board Game: Up Front [Average Rating:7.84 Overall Rank:197]
Chris Buhl
United States
Pittsfield
Massachusetts
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Chuck Norris is a squad of one.
Chuck Norris is not armed.
Chuck Norris has morale of infinity+whatever your highest man's morale is.
Chuck Norris never "occupies terrain" for the sake of hiding.
Chuck Norris is not bothered by wounds.
Chuck Norris never cowers or breaks (and he roundhouse kicks anyone who suggests otherwise).
Chuck Norris walks slowly across open terrain, fixing the enemy squad in his steely glare.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks wire out of the way, and breaks down bunkers with a single roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris glides over marshes without getting bogged down.
Chuck Norris is not affected by your puny fire cards, and actually, they just piss him off, so you're better off discarding them.
Chuck Norris automatically enters hand-to-hand combat with any enemy soldier he wants.
Chuck Norris wins all hand-to-hand combat with (you guessed it) roundhouse kicks.
Conceal cards are totally useless - you cannot hide from Chuck Norris.

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113. Board Game: Evo [Average Rating:6.92 Overall Rank:515]
clemens kremer
Germany
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there is no theory of evolution ! only a list of creatures that chuck norris allowes to live...
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114. Board Game: Shakespeare: The Bard Game [Average Rating:5.92 Overall Rank:6735]
Murray Grelis
Australia
Sydney
NSW
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When playing this game Chuck Norris improves upon the original text, sometimes without even speaking. His 'To be or not to be...' soliloquy from Hamlet, using nothing but but one raised eyebrow, a steely gaze and roundhouse kicks has been known to make professional actors weep. This is why so many so called 'A-list' actors will not work with Chuck Norris, they fear to be upstaged.
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115. Board Game: Tichu [Average Rating:7.65 Overall Rank:66]
(Chuck Singer)
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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Chuck Norris can play consecutive trips.
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116. Board Game: Age of Empires III: The Age of Discovery [Average Rating:7.62 Overall Rank:80]
(Chuck Singer)
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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When Chuck Norris plays Age of Empires III, the Soldier space becomes the Chuck Norris specialist space only for Chuck Norris. During a war, the Chuck Norris specialist kills all pieces in the New World with his fist and all undiscovered Indians and Indians in card deck with roundhouse kicks.

If Chuck Norris pays the additional $10 for all-out warfare the game explodes killing everything within 10 miles except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris always pays the additional $10.
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117. Board Game: Silent War [Average Rating:7.38 Overall Rank:1184]
HMS Iron Duke
United States
Bartlett
Tennessee
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Chuck Norris sinks the entire Japanese merchant fleet by the end of January 1942. It wouldn't have taken that long but a 1t trawler was hiding in the Philipines.
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118. Board Game: B-29 Superfortress [Average Rating:6.99 Overall Rank:2617]
HMS Iron Duke
United States
Bartlett
Tennessee
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Chuck Norris was born March 10, 1940. The Enola Gay did not drop an Atomic Bomb named Little Boy in 1945. It actually dropped a little boy named Chuck Norris. End of story.
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119. Board Game: Twilight Imperium (Third Edition) [Average Rating:7.88 Overall Rank:31]
Er heisst
Germany
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Chuck Norris can rate a game by the box cover.
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120. Board Game: El Grande [Average Rating:7.83 Overall Rank:26]
Adam Slape
United States
Collinsville
Illinois
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The rulebook specifically states:

"If a player uses an action and believes that the action allows changes in the King's region, he is mistaken!*




* Unless that player is Chuck Norris, in which case we are mistaken."
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121. Board Game: Subbuteo [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:869]
nothing but static
New Zealand
Unspecified
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Chuck Norris does not need to flick.
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122. Board Game: Power Grid [Average Rating:7.99 Overall Rank:11]
nothing but static
New Zealand
Unspecified
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Chuck Norris can power 17 cities with one round house kick.
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123. Board Game: Big Bang [Average Rating:7.00 Unranked]
Massimiliano Santuari
Italy
Trento
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God created Chuck Norris, then Chuck said him "pull my finger". So happened the big bang.
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124. Board Game: Chuckers [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Byron Collins
United States
Suffolk
Virginia
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When Chuck Norris found out this game used his name in its title without permission- he tracked down the designer and roundhouse-kicked him in the face. The designer is uncredited for a reason- he cannot be found.
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125. Board Game: Gas Crisis [Average Rating:5.00 Unranked]
Byron Collins
United States
Suffolk
Virginia
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With the rising cost of gas, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
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