Under the SPOUSE RADAR: How To Sneak Games Into the House
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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I've been a BGGer for quite some time now, but I feel it's finally time for me to contribute a Geeklist to this fine community of troubled souls, trying to find shelf-space for their new acquisitions, trying to fit time in for their gaming buddies, and of paramount difficulty:

Trying to purchase new games without their spouse saying no, taking away the credit card, or worse yet leaving the marriage.

I know this could be a depressing challenge, so I approach it with a song in my heart, and a little white lie on the tip of my tongue.

Presenting: How To Sneak Games Into the House

Edit: Thank you for all of the contributions to this list! I'm overwhelmed that people are actually looking at my first GeekList. Wow!
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1. Board Game: Hansa [Average Rating:6.93 Overall Rank:486]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Me: "I've been admitted into Hansa! This is just a little box full of documents that say so. I'm just going to put it by my board games so it's out of the way."

Him: "Wait, wait, wait a minute... you've been admitted into what?"

Me: "Hansa! You know... that organization for smart people?"

Him: "That's Mensa."

Me: "..." "..." "Well thanks a lot for making me feel dumb. I guess I only qualified for the ordinary IQ organization then. Oh well. I'm just going to put it by my board games so it's out of the way."
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2. Board Game: 1856 [Average Rating:7.52 Overall Rank:520]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Me: (clutching 1856 to me as I subtly [oh so subtly] come home.) "I'm home!"

Him: "Aha! I knew it. It's another board game, isn't it?"

Me: "Er... I think you'll like it though..."

Him: "That's not the poi-"

Me: "It's from the 18xxx series! XXX! Hot train on train action! We're talking bare steel, grinding tracks, and steamy, steamy young trains!"

Him: (points to the game closet with a defeated expression.) "Just add it to the collection and stop whoring out the poor things."
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3. Board Game: Le Havre [Average Rating:7.99 Overall Rank:15]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Me: (joyfully entering my credit card information to buy a copy of Le Havre at full price.)

Him: "Whoa, whoa! I thought you usually got discounts on these when you ordered them online?"

Me: (presses the confirmation button quickly and turns away from the computer with misty eyes.) "I know... this one will probably be cheaper in a few months when it's in wider distribution but... it may as well have been called 'Must Havre' because of the way I've been obsessed with it!"

Him: "Hey, hey! No need to get excited. I think you may just have an addiction to buying this stuff, that's all."

Me: "Addiction you say?" (lightbulb.) "I'll have you know that when I belonged to smoker's anonymous, board games were considered the healthiest way to quit."

Him: "You smoked!?"

Me: "And I'll never forget the games of Cosmic Encounter we used to play at my alcoholic's anonymous." (sniffles dramatically.) "Together, we blasted through the warp and waged war on one another's booze problems. I've been clean since then."

Him: (panicked) "You were an alcoholic!?"

Me: "How could I forget the days at kitten-kicker's anonymous? Thank god for those morality inducing board games that helped me 'kick' that habit. Ohoho."

Him: "..."

Me: (continues reminiscing about drug abuser's anonymous, pick-pocket's anonymous, nun-punching anonymous, anonymous's anonymous and of course low-tipper's anonymous until I come to a conclusion.) "You know... we're both really lucky that my only vice now is these games."

Him: (leaving the room muttering.) "How about trying 'ridiculous story-maker's' anonymous?"
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4. Board Game: Modern Art [Average Rating:7.31 Overall Rank:184]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Him: (comes home.)

Me: (has Modern Art propped on a shelf and am gazing at it thoughtfully.)

Him: (looks at it.) "Aubrey... I thought we talked about how much you've been spending on-"

Me: "Sh! Don't you see the glory of this piece!? It's breathtaking! Stunning! It cultivates my soul!"

Him: "So you like it that much huh? When do you plan to play it?"

Me: "PLAY IT!? Play it he says... listen. This is a piece of art. I'm leaving it on display. I know perfectly well we have a set budget for my board game hobby, but this is CULTURE. Don't you think we could invest in a little culture?"

Him: "So when are you going to play it?"

Me: "The group will be here at seven..."
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5. Board Game: Arkham Horror [Average Rating:7.42 Overall Rank:141] [Average Rating:7.42 Unranked]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Him: (Sees how many components there are and sighs.) "Aubrey... this must have cost even more than all those other board games you keep buying."

Me: "I didn't buy this one! My... mother did..."

Him: "Your mother?"

Me: "Yeah! What with Librarians' Appreciation Day around the corner and everything, she really wanted to pick up a game for me about demons and destruction and... well... Cthulu!"

Him: "Neither of you are librarians, and I highly doubt your mother would think this game is appropriate."

Me: "Don't bring my mother into this! She's a fine lady with a shelf full of Cthulus from past Librarians' Appreciation Days! The nerve." (quickly runs away, feigning tears.)
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6. Board Game: Dominion [Average Rating:7.77 Overall Rank:30] [Average Rating:7.77 Unranked]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Him: "So what's that then?"

Me: "THIS, my dear, is just what you've been waiting for! It's a Dominion kit for the bedroom. (Wry smile.)"

Him: "Why the medieval theme?"

Me: "Well... uh... there's nothing more imposing than a witch with a moat..."

Him: o_0;; "I think I'll pass on this one."

Me: (Victoriously heads to the game closet and stuffs it on the overflowing shelves.)
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7. Board Game: Notre Dame [Average Rating:7.41 Overall Rank:142]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Me: "Well would you lookie that? I got my information packet for Notre Dame University... ohohoho! Better go look this over and see about these historical educational opportunities!"

Him: (Shakes his head with exasperation.)
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8. Board Game: Formula D [Average Rating:7.11 Overall Rank:303]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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This one was a hard sell.

Me: "And see? You like cars, and this game has cars!"

Him: "I like cars, true. Not so much a fan of nondescript little chunks of plastic presumed to be cars."

Me: "I like it... come on... it'll be fun for the kids, too."

Him: "Oh all right. Just so long as this isn't another one of those money sinks with all the expansions you can't resist."

Me: "Expansions? Totally not! No expansions for this completely standalone, all included, no other maps game... eheheh..."
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9. Board Game: The Count of Carcassonne [Average Rating:5.94 Unranked] [Average Rating:5.94 Unranked]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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This one's easy. I can just waltz in with it hidden in my shirt or something.
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10. Board Game: Twilight Imperium (Third Edition) [Average Rating:7.88 Overall Rank:31]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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This one's not so easy, but I suppose I could bring it home hidden in my shirt, claiming I'm pregnant with triplets that are very... rectangular.
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11. Board Game: Die Macher [Average Rating:7.68 Overall Rank:97]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Me: "Happy birthday, love!"

Him: (unwraps a present to find... Die Macher!) "Oh! Uh... thank you. What is this?"

Me: "It's a game! I love you!" (leaves him to it.)

Him: "Huh." (opens 'er up. Tries to read the rules. Tries again. Feels discouraged and leaves the game on the counter to move on to presents he actually asked for.)

Me: (two days later, swoops up the game and brings it to my gaming group.) "Works like a charm."
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oystein eker
Norway
Unspecified
sola
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Having a huge massive collection. This is not a joke.

With few games my wife noticed new games instantly "Ha - new game again" (deadly stir emoticon here).

With hundreds of games she cant tell if I browsing through an old rulebook or a new one.

Be careful when punching counters though. Do it in the basement after dark.
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13. Board Game: Bargain Hunter [Average Rating:4.45 Overall Rank:10939]
Jim O'Neill (Established 1949)
Scotland
Motherwell
I aten't dead yet...
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My better half loves a bargain.

My FLGS keeps a supply of "Half Price Sale" stickers just for me.
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14. Board Game: It's Mine! [Average Rating:6.01 Overall Rank:3620]
Aubrey Miles
United States
Logan
Utah
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Him: "Hey, isn't this that game we were playing at your cousin's house last week?"

Me: "Yeah, it was fun, wasn't it?"

Him: "Sure. But why is it here?"

Me: "I'm borrowing it from him."

(Months later)

Him: "Aren't we supposed to return this to your cousin?"

Me: "Hm? Awh, I'm sure he's forgotten all about it by now."

Him: (stern) "It was yours all along, wasn't it?"

Me: (innocent) "Well... maybe."

(Sadly, this is also pretty true. I buy games while out with friends and then "stage" them at their houses. Later, when I add them to my collection at home, I cross my fingers and hope he mixes up who the game was supposed to belong to and where he first played it. It never works. The guy's sharp as a tack, and I really need some new better tactics.)
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15. Board Game: It's All Chinese to Me! [Average Rating:6.64 Unranked]
F H
United Kingdom
UK
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When under a 3 game limit when going on holiday I resorted to the Print and Play anti-RADAR technique. Grabbing a copy of It's All Chinese to Me! I printed it out at 1/4 size and sneaked it into a Ibuprofen box...

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16. Board Game: Descent: Journeys in the Dark [Average Rating:7.39 Overall Rank:171]
Chester
United States
Temple
Texas
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I arrive home and walk toward the game room nonchanlantly.

Her: Is that a copy of Descent in your pants!

Me: Why....thankyou.

(This method works for most stuff. Assuming she doesn't get too frisky.)
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17. Board Game: Special Delivery [Average Rating:4.35 Unranked]
Jean-Pierre Maurais
Canada
Quebec city
Quebec
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Some people that I know give their work adress instead of their home for the delivery of their games.
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18. Board Game: The Car Boot Game [Average Rating:4.00 Unranked]
Jean-Pierre Maurais
Canada
Quebec city
Quebec
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To avoid problems with her wife, I know a gamer who keeps his games in its car boot.
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19. Board Game: Buy And Sell [Average Rating:7.75 Unranked]
 
Jean-Pierre Maurais
Canada
Quebec city
Quebec
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Just say to your wife that you bought a new game with the money you received from the sell of an other game.
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20. Board Game: Star Fleet Missions [Average Rating:4.30 Overall Rank:11012]
William Hostman
United States
Eagle River
Alaska
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Gaming in Greater Anchorage area, Alaska since 1978. Looking for Indy-willing RPG players in Eagle River (or willing to drive to Eagle River). Geekmail me if interested.
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Yes, this really is what I looked like when I uploaded that avatar. Not that it's quite current anymore.
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W: I was asked by Steve to learn the rules, and teach this to the group.

Z (W's then-GF): Oh? So who paid for you to get it? I know Steve's Broke.

W: It was Terry's idea.

Z: Ogre makes Steve look rich.

W: Which Steve are you thinking of?

Z: Any of the four....

W and Z didn't last, just for reference.
It was, BTW, Terry's idea... Steve's idea that W pick it up, and W & Aaron's money spent, on a game which would remain in W's collection.
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21. Board Game: Trade [Average Rating:6.69 Overall Rank:6930]
Zack Boatman
United States
Santa Fe
New Mexico
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(walking through the door with a game tucked under my arm)

"Is that another game?" My wife looks at me with a hint of disapproval.

"Yeah, but I traded for it. Since this one is kind of rare I had to trade a couple of good games for it. But I've wanted it for quite a while..." I say in my best guilty pleasure voice.

"Why is it still in the shrink?" Nothing really gets by her.

"Well, that's what makes is even more rare." I can feel the sweat start to break across my brow.

"Let me see it." She holds out her hands. I give her the game, wishing that I had taken off the price tag from the FLGS.
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22. Board Game: GiftTRAP [Average Rating:6.50 Overall Rank:1221]
Dave Duffield
United States
Carmel
Indiana
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You all seem to be overlooking the obvious.

Box is sitting on front porch.

Me (running with glee, thinking of cardboardy goodness): Don't touch that! Stay away!

SO: What's in the box?

Me (hiding any incriminating return address): You can't see. It's for Christmas/your birthday/Valentine's Day/etc. If you look, you'll ruin it.

Then march proudly off to the room with your gaming closet. Close and lock the door and wallow in your orgy of forbidden wooden cubes and cardboard. Clean everything up, and come back out.

What could be easier? (Just hope they don't remember the size/shape of the box when you give them their real holiday gift.)
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23. Board Game: Divorce Cope [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
United States
Maryland
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Aubrey: "What's this?"

Me: "It's a little something to help you get by."

Aubrey: "Huh? And what are all these papers?"

Me: "I'm divorcing you."

Aubrey: "What!? W-why?"

Me: "Because you clearly value boardgames more than our relationship. Oh, and my lawyer says I get to keep the boardgames. You have to take the house and the car."
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24. Board Game: The Extraordinary Adventures of Baron Munchausen [Average Rating:7.29 Overall Rank:1844]
Andrew Snyder
United States
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
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Shouldn't you be playing a game with me instead of wasting time on the Internet?
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your playing the wrong game...
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25. Board Game: An Evening of Murder: Winner Take All [Average Rating:8.45 Unranked]
Greg
United States
Brea
CA
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GRRREEEEEEEEENNNN!!!!!!
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I avoided an evening of murder when coming home from a con one time by letting my wife know that I had won the arm full of new games I had brought home. Luckily it was true, that time. (Thank you SJ Games)

Of course, then I had to explain why I would WANT to play a game about Space Pirate Amazon Ninja Catgirls.
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