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Cheating for Fun and Profit
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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I consider myself to be an honest man. I also consider New York cheesecake to be more of a custard-based dessert than a true cake. However this list isn't about me. It's about board games and common ways to cheat while playing them. And possibly cake, I haven't decided yet.
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1. Board Game: Battleship [Average Rating:4.51 Overall Rank:11038]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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Normally when your opponent calls out a map location, you say "hit" if part of one of your ships is at that location or you say "miss" if nothing is there. To cheat, for any location called out by your opponent, simply reply "miss."
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2. Board Game: Tic-Tac-Toe [Average Rating:2.57 Overall Rank:11055]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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Let's say you're playing as "O." Your opponent has just drawn an "X" adjacent to an already existing "X." All you now have to do is draw a third "X" next to the second "X" and declare, "Three Xs in a row. I win!"

Note: This method works especially well if your opponent suffers from acute short-term memory loss.
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3. Board Game: Poker [Average Rating:6.71 Overall Rank:678]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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Sometimes a friend can help you cheat. Before the game starts create code words for each rank, suit, and potential hand. Then, while playing, seamlessly work the code into normal table talk to gain an advantage over the other players. For instance, the phrase "I relish picking dilapidated tulips in the early months on holiday with Matt Damon, you sot!" could mean "I have an open-ended straight flush draw and need either a three or eight of hearts."
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4. Board Game: Yahtzee [Average Rating:5.22 Overall Rank:10960]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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While your friend is at work, break into his house. Locate his game cabinet and remove three pairs of dice from his Yahtzee set. Using a #6 file, remove .1 mm off the corners of each die where the one, two, and three faces converge. Return the dice, destroy any other evidence of the breaking and entering, and slink back home.

The next time you play Yahtzee with your friend, wait until about mid-game. Then whip out your micrometer and compare the corners of the dice you altered to those of the other dice. Accuse your friend of cheating. You, then, automatically win by default.
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5. Board Game: UNO [Average Rating:5.32 Overall Rank:10913]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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If your opponent is from the future and/or a scientist bent on world domination, then you may be able to see his cards reflected in his metallic-silver mylar shirt.
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6. Board Game: Risk [Average Rating:5.59 Overall Rank:9596]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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After your opponent has defeated your last army, declare yourself the victor. If he questions this, explain that today is Opposite Day, and that by losing, you actually won. Your opponent may then say that you're being immature. Respond with, "You are, Stinkface!" even if his face does not in fact stink.
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7. Board Game: Scrabble [Average Rating:6.36 Overall Rank:1138]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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Don't waste precious turns drawing new letter tiles. If you can't think of any real words to form, simply make up your own! If your opponents challenge your new word, tell them to look it up in a dictionary while you excuse yourself to the bathroom. However instead of actually going to the bathroom, get in your time machine and travel back to the year 1828. Find Noah Webster and convince him to add your new word to the first edition of An American Dictionary of the English Language. Advantage: you.
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8. Board Game: Chess [Average Rating:7.10 Overall Rank:324]
 
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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It's your move. There's no way you can avoid being mated the next turn. What do you do? Simply point behind your opponent and exclaim, "Oh my! Whatever could that be?" After he turns to look, rotate the board 180 degrees.

I know what you're thinking: "But won't my opponent notice that the wrong pieces are in front of him?" Well, you're not done yet. While your opponent's head is still turned, reach under the table and remove the secret attache case that you had hidden earlier. Locate inside the case the cans of black and white spray paint or wood stain. Now paint all the black chess pieces white and the white ones black. Use your portable hairdryer to expedite drying.

When your opponent turns back to face you, he will probably ask what you saw behind him. Nonchalantly respond, "I guess it was nothing. And by the way, checkmate."
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9. Board Game: Trivial Pursuit [Average Rating:5.22 Overall Rank:10966]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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The answer to one of the questions is "Randy Newman."
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10. Board Game: Monopoly [Average Rating:4.46 Overall Rank:11045]
OtubrabNad
United States
Poughkeepsie
New York
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When your opponent isn't looking, steal $20 from the bank. If she catches you, deny it. She will most likely insist that she knows what she saw. Respond with, "Oh really, Sheila? Well I guess you would be the expert on cheating." She'll ask you, "What's that supposed to mean?" Tell her that she knows perfectly well what that's supposed to mean. At this point she will claim to not know how you could bring that up again since it's been four years. Explain that you can't put a time frame on how long it takes emotional scars to heal. This argument, your opponent will deem to be "excrement" and will retort with, "Well maybe if someone didn't spend so much time at work, it never would have happened." Mention that marine biology is a noble profession and that your work is important. "Are sea otters more important than me?" you may hear next. If so, counter with, "No, Sheila, no they're not. You mean everything to me. I... I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you." Expect a moderately long to long pause and afterward the question: "What happened to us, Neal?" Admit that you don't know. Your opponent will then long for the days when you both were young and in love, when you would spend carefree days playing silly games together. Reassure her that those days are still possible. Gently take her hand into yours and sit back down at the table. Resume play of the game all the while gazing into each others' eyes, confident that you just might be okay after all, and $20 richer.
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11. Board Game: Kreskin's ESP [Average Rating:2.86 Unranked]
Frank McGirk
South Korea
Pohang
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Step One: Learn hypnosis from a secretive master, either "single person" or "mass." IMPORTANT: Do NOT choose "self".

Step Two: Select a game to play. If you've learned "single person" hypnosis, it should be a two-player game, or a multi-player game that scales well to two-players. NOTE: It would have been a better idea to choose "mass" in step one. Much more versatile.

Step Three:
Win games.
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12. Board Game: Ikusa [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:467]
Bill Gates
United States
Baltimore
Maryland
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There's a limit to how many troops you can add to each of your armies during your turn. Well, the first time I played this game, I didn't know that rule. I was stacking my armies with troops, and the other players never noticed. Soon, I had unstoppable armies and was steamrollering everyone.

(Towards the end of the game, I was looking up another rule and realized I had been adding too many troops to my armies each turn. I figured what my opponents didn't know for that game, wouldn't hurt them, and I'd follow the rules in subsequent games )

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13. Board Game: Ca$h 'n Gun$ [Average Rating:6.70 Overall Rank:614]
J H
United States
Billings and Bozeman
Montana
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Instead of using one of the prop guns from the game, bring your own real gun from home!

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14. Board Game: Citadels [Average Rating:7.19 Overall Rank:213]
Dan Squires
United States
Portland
Oregon
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If someone is the Assassin or Thief, flash your character at them so they know who not to kill/jank from.

Note: this works better if you aren't winning...
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15. Board Game: Hive [Average Rating:7.36 Overall Rank:145]
True
United States
Los Osos
California
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Prior to the game, slather the opponents chair with honey. This will attract actual ants (red, stinging ones if you live somewhere tropical) and potentially attract jealous and angry bees. They will see that you are his opponent and therefore working for them and they will alternately sting him or try to carry him back to their homes. As ants can carry many times their body weight, your average gamer will not pose a problem.

Check for allergies prior to doing this...allergies make this even easier.

True
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16. Board Game: Guess Who? [Average Rating:4.76 Overall Rank:11015]
Jan
Belgium
De Haan
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If you have some sanity left...
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...come and join me in the tavern I buy you a mug of beer.
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Put the tiles of both boards in the same order. At the beginning of the game, Get you're opponent to flip down the character he/she got...
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17. Board Game: Eat It! [Average Rating:4.53 Unranked]
Eddie the Cranky Gamer
Canada
Edmonton
Alberta
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Important clarification

Eatin' ain't cheatin'!
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18. Board Game: Crossbows and Catapults [Average Rating:6.54 Overall Rank:2067]
True
United States
Los Osos
California
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The best way to cheat at this game is to go down to Tijuana and buy a whole bunch of M80s. You can flip the little disks over and stick the M80 into the recess before firing it at your opponent. About half the time, this will cause extra damage to his fortifications. The other half the time it will hurt.

You will get caught by your mom while doing this but there is an easy way to make it work out for you. Just explain to her that the sulfur smell in the air is from the Devil. He showed up at your house while she was at work and told you that you had too many games. Since the Devil said it, your mom will know that not having lots of games is evil...and she will buy you more games.

Just pick ones that you can play with missing fingers (see above).

True
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19. Board Game: Diplomacy [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:360]
Bruce Baskir
United States
Missouri
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Submit more than one set of orders. No doubt there will be some confusion as to which are really yours. Scowl and demand to see all of them while, in the interest of saving time, the other players' moves are revealed. Scrutinize them carefully and choose the one that is most advantageous, while claiming the others are obvious forgeries.
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20. Board Game: Clue [Average Rating:5.63 Overall Rank:6735]
Bruce Baskir
United States
Missouri
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With multiple decks that you have obtained from scouring the thrift shops, make up and palm a deck that is entirely the lead pipe, the bedroom, and Miss Scarlet. Meanwhile, remove these same three cards from the deck you will be using in the game. When it is time to put the cards in the envelope, use the palmed deck, switching back to the regular deck when it is time to deal out the player hands.

Three turns into the game, give your accusation (with appropriate leering) "Miss Scarlet, in the bedroom, with the lead pipe!" Watch your friends' amazement as they vow never to play Clue with you again.
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21. Board Game: Go Fish [Average Rating:3.56 Overall Rank:11043]
J H
United States
Billings and Bozeman
Montana
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This one is a classic, and is pretty much a cliche:

When your opponent calls out something you have in your hand, tell him to go fish. Two turns later, call out that same card to grab theirs.

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22. Board Game: Twister [Average Rating:4.60 Overall Rank:11030]
Elwyn Darden
United States
Richmond
Virginia
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Claim colorblindness.
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23. Board Game: Pit [Average Rating:6.42 Overall Rank:1077]
Knowe Naem
United States
Salem
Oregon
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Not cheating to win, but just to mess with people.
My wife, before I met her family for the first time (they are all "casual gamers") told me how his younger brother didn't understand Pit so he would usually end up holding one of every kind of card so no one could ever win.

Well...first time we play, I do the same thing. As the game drags for a couple of minutes, someone finally says, "Bryan! (her brother's name) Why are you holding all different cards?!" His reply: "I'm not!"

They resume play assuming that it's just a fluke. Finally, my wife turns to me, and, seeing a subtle, yet wicked grin on my face devil says, "Are you holding onto all the cards?!"

Amazingly, they will still play games with me. I'm their favorite in-law. after all.
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