Or rat poison.

Pyuredeadbrilliant

Or a phased plasma rifle in the 40 gigawatt range.

Hey, just what you see, pal.

Well, that and soap.

Beano and digestive enzymes. Next.

We have a guys poker weekend every year, and we have imposed a Beano rule. Everyone must publicly swallow a beano every four hours.

This is our second year and I have to tell you, it's wonderful not to have the room filled with noxious fumes.

Antidote: Forbid participants from playing Magic: The Gathering

If you have a club then you're sure to have "stinky-boy". Telling him doesn't seem to help as the next time he shows up so does the stink. I have a real knack of getting this guy next to me at a convention while I'm trying to learn a new game.

What, no Cyanide antidote?

I had a similar thing happen to me my freshman year of college . A friend of mine. We were taking a bio class and one of the topics was diseases that were predominent in certain races of people, sickle-cell, etc. He announced this as proof of other races "inferiority" and of corse it didn't end there UGH!!! That was the end of that friendship.

That's the problem, their children are not free to not listen or walk away...just sad.

Always meet up with historians or current/prior military that like playing wargames. Even play with some Yale students (I'm close to New Haven, CT). Never played with any Waffen SS types.

They weren't Nazis, man, they were nihilists. They kept saying they believe in nothing.

I'm glad that the gaming smokers I've seen go outside to smoke in between games, so neither the smoke or the break disrupt things.

That is so fucking inconsiderate.

Don't they realize it makes those butts impossible to light?

I used to put mine in partially empty Diet Coke cans, which would sometimes sit on my desk for a month or so.

I think you can figure out why I gave up that particular habit.

Sheesh...although not gaming relared, a similar thing happened to me when was onstage playing music at a club. I had a smoke while we were setting up, but there were no ashtrays on stage so I dropped it into an almost empty beer bottle. After a couple of songs I looked over and thought "Oh yeah, I never finished that beer!" since we were in between songs I took a big fast gulp. Needless to say we had to call an unplanned intermission when I ran to the bar for something to wash it down.

My favorite is the guy that needs the cigarette in between turns and then needs to have what happened explained to him before he takes his.

Yeah, damn kids and their stupid kid games. Why don't they just stay home where they belong and play video games?

A recent true story:

A new game shop just opened in town -- mostly Warhammer and Magic, but the owner brought in about 20 board games too. I thought he made some unusual choices for his entry into this market, but he got some great games: Imperial, Tigris & Euphrates, Die Macher, Power Grid, Shogun, Caylus, Puerto Rico, Settlers, Race for the Galaxy. One Carcassonne. No Apples to Apples, Monopoly, Pictionary, or even any Ticket to Ride.

I wanted to help him out, and said "I own a lot of these games, and I'd be happy to bring in my copy and demo them here -- maybe that will help create some interest for you in these great, but not well known games."

"Sure that would be good," he said. "Here are a couple that I'd really like to play and demo," pulling out two that I hadn't even noticed: Killer Bunnies and Munchkin.

He couldn't have gotten me out of there quicker with a shotgun.

Ritalin?

Maybe so, but those two are going to make him a lot more money than Die Macher or Caylus ever will. You're a gamer;he's a retailer: two very different animals, those.

Oh I definitely agree -- that's why I was surprised at his initial selection of inventory. I fear he may be dusting those lovely boxes of Die Macher and Caylus for quite a while.

I guess this experience has helped me draw my line in the age old question about support for our FLGS. I'd volunteer my time, energy, and game collection to get the word out about games that I like. And I'd pay his full MSRP if he provided the forum and connection point between me and other local gamers.

But I'm not willing to do the same to help him sell games that I don't really dig. I guess I draw my line along the weight scale, and it falls somewhere between Munchkin and Ticket to Ride.

The usual response I get is that weekends are consecrated to family/significant other/more presentable social activities.

There are some weekday meetups, but the majority of the meetups we have in the Houston area are on the weekends.

Hmmm I like your group. What's the commuting time from NYC to Houston?

The St Louis boardgame meetup group has 15 or so events a month. Every day of the week is covered. We meet in different parts of town. If you really can't make any of the events, you probably aren't that desperate to play.

What I like about the Greater Denver Metro area: three different board game groups and events every day of the week (sometimes 2 or three a day in different areas).

Course, if I found a job downtown instead of even farther North I'd actually make more of them (Plus, weather issues, which weren't a problem this year). (Anyone know of any openings?) Still, I do manage 3 a month (plus the kids at home play a game every night with me just about).

This is huge for me. I suffer from chronic migraines, and too much sensory input in any form just drains what little energy reserves I have.

Don't forget our current club plague: Dim Lighting.

Oh, yes. Sometimes self-inflicted, more often playing RPGs: "let's turn off the lights and light some candles!"

The most common one I've encountered: the manager suddenly decides s/he doesn't want you there anymore. No reason given, but the hostility is obvious, bookings get cancelled/changed without notice, andsoonandsoforth.

Did you start bringing your own drinks and food again?

or the opposite: Ultra-Bright lighting so I have to squint my eyes to see through the glare on the board/cards.

I hate when this happens.

Really? I didn't know Communism was based on infinite growth. I will have to relearn everything I once knew....

Are you being deliberately obtuse? It's obvious he meant Communism is a fantasy.

No, actually communism is more sci-fi than fantasy.

Belief that the answer to everything can be found in individual pluck and hard work (for little pay, I might add)... Now THERE'S a fantasy.

Start with your reading comprehension.

Man, talk about not thinking of the feelings of others. I hope you wrote them all a terse letter.

I guess they didn't want to deal with crazy Mongorians knocking down the shity wall

Absolutely. I am continually amazed at the discussions and questions that crop up when people find out I'm in the military. Especially in a game group dominated by people with liberal tending views.

The worst is when people ask me about current contingencies that I know a lot about. For some reason no one believes you when you say "I can't discuss that."

I find the opposite to be true. People become very wary of questioning you in case you erupt in a civvie murdering fury. Maybe I just exude a threatening demeanour (which would be nice)...

Try being a pastor at a game group.

"Let me tell you what I think about organized religion..."

Neat.

Now why don't you place your meeple before I ....oops. Too late.

This hits home.

The last thing I want to talk about is how my job is going or how the family is, etc...

Ask me about games, damn it!
That's why I left work early and avoided the calls from my family to come here.

too true

As a liberal who grew up in a military family (Dad, 3 brothers), you won't find me pulling that stunt.

Vogon poetry.

Hmmm... this is why I only RPG with people I know.

SANE people.

I was once playing Axis & Allies (2nd Ed.) with my friend and his neighbors. I was Russia and his neighbor (Andy) was Germany. All combat movement must be announced at the same time, but because of their constant complaining when I encouraged everyone to follow the rule, we were lax about it. I had left a token unit to defend Caucasus, because they wouldn't be able to take both it and Moscow on the same turn. No surprise when Andy attacks Caucasus successfully.

Then, he tries to blitz his tanks into the heart of Russia (EDIT: on the same turn). I call shenanigans, but he simply will not acknowledge that this was an illegal attack, even after being shown the rule in question. I don't believe I've played a board game with him since.

Point of Law is rated? Wow ...

It's sort of a shame that they never used Elefants in either Africa nor India. You would think that the Russians would have let the Germans at least get a few Tigers into Siberia, but no, they stopped them from getting that far east.

Every time I walk into my FLGS I have the same conversation with the owner. It includes "Yeah, I know, you told me before" but continues afterwards as if it did not. Not that I mind, I mean, I re-read session reports on Indonesia... and I have nothing better to do while waiting for the next game to start.

Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I'm an idiot...

In the bad times, I wonder if I am one.

On a similar note, there's the guy who regales you with stories of his D&D characters' heroic exploits, which are invariably mundane or ridiculous, cliched, and way too long.

Antidote: Having Twilight Struggle and Conflict of Heroes in your collection.

Antidote: Have some good 2 player abstracts!

Me and one other person I can deal with. Just me is a problem.

I can honestly say I have not had that happen. I will say that if your in Canberra, Australia on a Thursday night I would check out the Canberra Gaming Society. I showed up (late), and three gentlemen playing PowerGrid were kind enough to restart their game after being two turns in. They were a great group, mostly miniature players, but all of them were very open to meeting new people.

That said, they beat the stuffing out of me in PowerGrid...so they don't pull any punches, which is great for competition.