$10.00
Driving Teachers to drink
John Bandettini
United Kingdom
London
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These are supposed to be taken from real tests and exams giving to children of various ages.
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26. Board Game: Hellenes: Campaigns of the Peloponnesian War [Average Rating:7.48 Overall Rank:1281]
vincit omnia amentia
United States
Howard County
Maryland
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This is from when I was a student in high school!

Q: What religion were the ancient Greeks?

a. Pagan
b. Christian
c. Non-Christian
d. Buddhist

We never got the test back so I can't tell you the answer. This is one of the reasons that I decided to become a teacher; anyone can do it!
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27. Board Game: Apples to Apples [Average Rating:6.10 Overall Rank:1804] [Average Rating:6.10 Unranked]
Jeff Thompson
United States
Homewood
Illinois
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A friend of mine answered the following in high school freshman science.

Question: Weightlessness is not _______.
Answer: an apple.

It was marked wrong. To this day when I see a satellite I think, "look at that apple."
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28. Board Game: Checkers [Average Rating:4.85 Overall Rank:11016]
Erin Sparks
United States
Garden City
Michigan
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When I was in 7th grade, the teacher was trying to explain how settlers needed big families to help work their farms. He asked "Can anyone tell me why settlers had so many children?" and one of my classmates called out "Because they didn't have a checkerboard?"
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29. Board Game: Elephant Challenge [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Justin, Karen, Acacia, and Janek
United States
Willmar
Minnesota
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30. Board Game: Graphos [Average Rating:7.69 Unranked]
Justin, Karen, Acacia, and Janek
United States
Willmar
Minnesota
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31. Board Game: Time Tunnels [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Darren Rigby
Canada
Vancouver
British Columbia
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I was a marker for a course on mathematics for aspiring elementary school teachers. It was used as a course to weed out students who weren't cut out for it since most of the people who went into the program were either English majors or history majors.

The first homework assignment was all math-based puzzles to solve, and one of them was "How long does it take a train that's one mile long, travelling at one mile per hour to pass through a tunnel that's one mile long." One student, unwisely, answered with "What kind of a question is that? 1 hour."

It was with great glee that I marked the paper with the comment, "It was a trick question...."
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32. Board Game: A Cold Day In Hell [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Scott Agius
United Kingdom
Brentford
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This is my favourite one:

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University
of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it as well.

BONUS QUESTION: IS HELL EXOTHERMIC (GIVES OFF HEAT) OR ENDOTHERMIC (ABSORBS HEAT)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed), or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
_______________________

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul goes to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

_______________________

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY PASS
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33. Board Game: Grendel & Beowulf [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Sean Cox
United States
Fort Meade
Maryland [MD]
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One to share, as a teacher myself. Taken from responses to an essay question I gave last week on my SENIOR English exam. I pulled select sentences which have not been altered in any way. I then wrote them in intelligible English and ran them a couple of times through an online translator program. See if you can identify which is student work, and which is a translator program.

1a. Anglo-Saxon Society has Religion of Christianity.
1b. Implementation of the Anglo-Saxons to Christianity.

2a. They were on the verge of bravery and courage.
2b. Its all about heroic and bravery.

3a. The monster worship the underground.
3b. Hell worship the monsters.

4a. The challenges of Anglo-Saxon life that are represented by the monsters of the Beowulf fights are when Beowulf fights the dragon.
4b. The challenges of life are represented in the Anglo-Saxon fighting monsters of Beowulf, as when Beowulf battles the dragon.

5a. Anglo-Saxons face many different challenges in their lives, and represented by the monsters Beowulf killer.
5b. The Anglo-Saxon life was faced with many different challenges represented by the monsters Beowulf fought.

6a. The monster that Beowulf couldn't kill at first, due to the spell.
6b. Beowulf cannot kill the beast in the first result of a wave.

7a. They were challenged by the Christian, slightly, for changing the leader name to God.
7b. They were slightly challenged Christians to change the name of the God leader.

8a. This book is written in the economic and irony.
8b. This book was written with the economy and irony.

The students' sentences are...
Spoiler (click to reveal)
1a 2b 3a 4a 5b 6a 7a 8b
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34. Board Game: Zanzibar [Average Rating:5.64 Overall Rank:8270]
Benjamin Symons
Belgium
Leuven
Vlaams-Brabant
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Here's one I've heard at an oral exam I was doing 3 weeks ago.
It was an exam about 'History of European colonialism' and the Question was "Give me the major turning points in the history of Zanzibar in the 19th and 20th centuries."

The student that was making his exam while I prepared my own answers said to the professor: "I don't really know anything about the turning points of the 19th century, but concerning the 20th century I can mention you the most important turning point in the entire history of Zanzibar:
September 5, 1946 - the birth of Farrokh Bulsara, better known as 'Freddie Mercury'."

He then went on to talk about how the song Bicycle Race was based on Freddie's youth in Zanzibar. Het passed the exam with an 11/20 grade (though it must be said that his first question about the differences in economic systems between British India an the other European colonies in Asia was answered correctly)
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35. Board Game: Gallic Wars [Average Rating:6.67 Unranked]
Gianni Cottogni
Italy
Torino
Piedmont
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A friend of us was an assistant lecturer in historical linguistic at the university. He told us this blunder he saw during an oral examination:

Professor asked which languages were there in Italian peninsula, from Iron Age to Early Roman Age.
The student started his answer in a good way, until the moment in which he mixed up Faliscan and Gallic, creating a terrific "Phallic Language"...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faliscan_language
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaulish_language

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36. Board Game: Mr. Lincoln's War [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
vincit omnia amentia
United States
Howard County
Maryland
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Q: "Who was Abraham Lincoln?"

A: "A tall, strong, black man."

True story.
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37. Board Game: Fact or Opinion [Average Rating:3.00 Unranked]
Canadian Dave
United States
Lehi
UT
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Wise men say, forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.
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My least favorite from my grade 9 year:

What is your opinion about Romeo and Juliet's secret relationship?

I got the question wrong.
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38. Board Game: Pokémon Master Trainer [Average Rating:5.51 Overall Rank:10380]
Tanner Griffin
United States
South Ogden
UT
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Still love this one. Just the fact that the student has the nerve to do that, and the teacher has the nerve to respond with that kind of awesomeness.

Almost as good as find x
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39. Board Game: Dinosaurs of the Lost World [Average Rating:6.53 Overall Rank:2513]
Josh Brinkman
United States
Minnesota
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Last year I was taking an exam in chemistry and I got to the last question which was
"Is it possible that molecules which once made up dinosaurs could be in your body right now, Why?"

My answer:
Yes it is because dinosaur meat is tasty and no one really knows what's in hotdogs.

partial credit
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40. Board Game: Ocean [Average Rating:4.63 Overall Rank:10135]
Maurits
Netherlands
Capelle aan den IJssel
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41. Board Game: Automobile [Average Rating:7.41 Overall Rank:193]
The Hoagland Family
United States
Mount Holly
New Jersey
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True story from my high school days. As we were going over what to do if your car plunged into water in driver's theory, one of the football players raised his hand. When the teacher called on him, he asked, "What if you're in a convertible?" He wasn't being a wiseass. He meant it.
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42. Board Game: Come Out Even [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Mark W
United States
East Islip
New York
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On a test in 8th grade health class, sexuality unit:

What comes out of the penis during an ejaculation?
A) Semen
B) [something]
C) [something]
D) Yoo-Hoo

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43. Board Game: Get The Picture [Average Rating:5.00 Unranked]
bob weaver
Estonia
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True story as I saw the graded paper.
Fred Wood journalism major at URI 1991.
We were up drinking late when Fred remembered he had a 4,000 word essay (I don't remember the exact amount but not so important). So half drunk he begins typing and continues till morning. Quickly calculating how many words he has written he realizes he is around 1000 words short. So on the final page he tapes a picture and writes a picture is worth a 1000 words and heads off to class.

Seems obvious and probably has been done before and since, but I did witness it and I did see the F.
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44. Board Game: A Gleam of Bayonets: The Battle of Antietam [Average Rating:7.14 Overall Rank:3443]
Eric Phillips
United States
Greensboro
North Carolina
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When I graded U.S. History exams as a TA in college, I used to record unintentionally hilarious things students said in them. One of my favorites was:

"The problem with bayonets was that they were such inaccurate weapons."
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45. Board Game Designer: Martin Wallace
Arrrrr!
United States
California
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Q: what where some hardships faced by the people?
A: The Victoria
-What?
Cause she must have been a hard ship to survive the journey!
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46. Board Game: Man Laws and Woman Rules [Average Rating:4.24 Unranked]
Kai Bettzieche
Germany
Eppelsheim
Rheinland Pfalz
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47. Board Game: Last Night on Earth: The Zombie Game [Average Rating:7.10 Overall Rank:342] [Average Rating:7.10 Unranked]
DC
United States
Grand Rapids
Michigan
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I'm a grad student who teaches college-level math. Last summer, I wrote an exam problem for Differential Equations, in which my students had to analyze an infectious disease model (if fewer than a certain number of people were infected, the disease would die out. Above that level, it would infect everyone. At exactly that level, it would stay stable).

I mentioned -- only once, in passing -- that the disease created zombies. Here are some of my favorite answers:

"If more than 30 people are infected, then someone doesn't have enough bullets. CRAP."

"The town is overrun! A new zombie colony with brains as the currency is established"

"If there are 30 zombies, they learn to live in harmony with the uninfected humans, maybe as a permanent night watch or something."

"No data available for the undead feeding on the undead, as the undead would rather feed than collect data."

"Whether due to dashing young scantily clad heroes or whatever, the zombies have been wiped out. None remain. (Probably due to a paladin.)"

"The zombies are out of control and multiplying fast. Game over, man."

"... the population of zombies decreases as people kill them off in messy ways."

‎"At t = 1.5 there are approximately 16.87 zombies. One of them must be losing pieces."
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48. Board Game: Connect the Dots: Build and Destroy! [Average Rating:8.00 Unranked]
Aaron Maracle
Canada
Ottawa
Ontario
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One of my hobbies is teaching at a college part-time in the evening. In order to keep things light and fun, I would tease my students about what would be on our test and exams. One time, I joked that there would be a connect the dot question on the test, so be prepared. To amuse me during marking, I did include a question worth 1 mark. It ask the students to connect four dots in numerical order starting with the number 1.

Two students connected the dots incorrectly (1 made an 'X' and the other only connected 3 of the 4 dots).

The kicker is that one student never bothered to attempt the question.
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49. Board Game: Dominion: Alchemy [Average Rating:7.05 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.05 Unranked]
A Freitag
United States
Alabama
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Not really a fail, but a story I was told once went like this:

A philosophy professor was giving his final examination to a class that had suffered through his arduous lectures for a whole semester. He walked through the rows in his customary way while explaining the test.

"Use any logic and materials that have been presented or discussed in this class to explain to me why... this chair doesn't exist." he said arriving at the front of the class and lifting a chair onto his desk.

Pencil lead flew furiously and plenty of paper was crumpled as the students tried to complete the difficult instructors' request. One student, however, simply put his name down on a blank sheet of paper, handed it to the stunned professor, and began to leave.

The professor stopped him: "This sheet is blank; are you not going to at least attempt the problem?"

"The problem being...?" asked the student looking slightly confused.

"Prove to me that this chair doesn't exist!" said the professor pointing at the chair looking slightly cross.

Staring straight at the professor the student replied, "What chair?" turned and walked out.

He received one of the few passing grades for the class.
(Thought of this when I read #32 and then geeklist comments) laugh
Edited after I read the comments. Student creativity and the spark of independent thinking like this is probably the main reason why my dad still teaches.
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50. Board Game: Skyscraper [Average Rating:7.50 Unranked]
Will Allbritain
United States
Antelope
California
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In a similar vein to #39, I heard a story about a physics student taking a final with this question on it: "How would you measure the height of a tall building using a barometer?" Apparently, he was supposed to make some calculation involving air pressure at the top and bottom of the building. Instead, he answered "Mark barometer-lengths up the side of the building, then multiply by the length of the barometer." When this answer caused him to fail the test, he contested the mark to the dean, because his answer was technically correct. As a compromise, the dean allowed him one hour to produce an answer that showed an understanding of physics. After the hour, he turned in this answer: "Drop the barometer from the top of the building, measuring the time taken to reach the ground. Solve for height of building using kinematics." This answer was deemed correct enough. When asked about it afterward, he said he knew the "right" answer, but was tired of being told how to think.
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