Wood For Sheep ... And Other Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't (PG-13)
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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ALERT: This list is PG-13ish. If you're easily offended or overly sensitive, go read something else
- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = -

The concept is simple -- those comments that come up during the course of a game that, when taken out of context, sound dirty or downright disturbing. Maybe I'm just in an impish mood, but it seemed like everything that was said during my last gaming session was screened with my "dirty mind" filter.

Please post your own, but try to keep it PG-13... There's technically nothing offensive here, it's all a matter of interpretation and inference -- and I'd like to keep it that way. And please don't shoot soda out your nose -- it makes the monitor all sticky.

Extra Double Super Secret Karma Points if you read these and immediately recognize the game situation, mechanic or piece that triggers the comment.

What other blue humor comes up during gaming?
What other gaming comments are easily taken out of context?
Ever embarrass yourself in front of company with something like this?

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101. Board Game: Hordes [Average Rating:7.65 Overall Rank:1200] [Average Rating:7.65 Unranked]
Rob Perry
United States
Bossier City
Louisiana
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"Your cyclops can't slam my behemoth from the back."

"Why?"

"because it's not big enoungh."

"So, I can slam it with my Titan"

"Yes."
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102. Board Game: Fist of Dragonstones [Average Rating:6.17 Overall Rank:1874]
Dave Lartigue
United States
Springfield
Massachusetts
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Allow me to read from the rulebook. Ahem.

Quote:
Yet, at a cozy inn, in a small forgotten village, the memory of Dragonstones is kept alive by the inn's ancient proprietor. Even today, a nod from a knowing traveler may persuade him to recount some of the ancient tales. And if he takes a particular liking to you, he may bring out his own collection of magic stones, and challenge you to a simple game of luck and skill and a chance to grab your own Dragonstones!


So, I'm at an inn. And I shake my head at a gnat or something and suddenly this guy wants to show me his stones?And challenge me to grab my own?

I think I'm gonna just move along...
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103. Board Game: Dragons of Kir [Average Rating:6.68 Overall Rank:3655]
Andrew Cole
United States
Pennsylvania
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"Dang. The dragon's about to enter my stronghold again."
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104. Board Game: Loot [Average Rating:6.32 Overall Rank:1312]
Andrew Cole
United States
Pennsylvania
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"At last! I'm finally starting to get some serious booty!"

"Hey! No hiding your booty over there!... C'mon, let's see it...."

"How did you get all that booty and I got nothin'?"
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105. Board Game: Blokus 3D [Average Rating:6.86 Overall Rank:600]
Me, sin? Pf! Nah! Chill
United States
Fountain Valley
California
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I'm suprised no one submitted this one yet. According to the rules, you must always touch yourself.
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106. Board Game: Through the Desert [Average Rating:7.07 Overall Rank:319]
micah qs
United States
Minnesota
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"Are you serious? I can only lay two camels at a time?!?!"limecamellimecamel
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107. Board Game: Alhambra [Average Rating:7.05 Overall Rank:312]
Diane Close
United States
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At one point during a 6 player game, one of the male players leaned over and said, to me, a female player, "Ooo, I love your nice, tight, compact Alhambra!" Uhm, thanks... I think!
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108. Board Game: Succession: Intrigue in the Royal Court [Average Rating:5.77 Overall Rank:6587]
Andrew Cole
United States
Pennsylvania
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"OK, so that means you go down on Galahad...."
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109. Board Game: Xactika [Average Rating:5.84 Overall Rank:4759]
Me, sin? Pf! Nah! Chill
United States
Fountain Valley
California
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"I have eleven, with two balls."

or occasionally

"I don't have two balls."
or
"I no longer have two balls."
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110. Board Game: Kingmaker [Average Rating:6.43 Overall Rank:1378]
Lindsay Thomas
United Kingdom
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"Percy to Cockermouth".
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111. Board Game: Cleopatra and the Society of Architects [Average Rating:6.82 Overall Rank:563]
Pete Davison
United Kingdom
Southampton
Hampshire
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"This is your statue of Anubis... and here is your Pyramid of Corruption."

This to the purple player, who was absolutely delighted to have his very own purple pyramid of corruption.

We also took to referring to the Tainted cards as "dirty" cards. So when it came around to the purple player's turn to build...

"I'm laying a dirty artisan with some dirty wood and some stone..."
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112. Board Game: Bootleggers [Average Rating:6.70 Overall Rank:823]
Andrew Cole
United States
Pennsylvania
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"I'm gonna buy a man and keep him in my back room."
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113. Board Game: Zooloretto [Average Rating:6.90 Overall Rank:438] [Average Rating:6.90 Unranked]
Simon "that sci-fi guy" AKA tiggers
Australia
Sydney
NSW
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[Guy picks up another baby animal]

Single woman: How come every else has babies and I don't? I wanna have babies!

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114. Board Game: Chess [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:329] [Average Rating:7.09 Unranked]
 
GMOFreePortland.com
United States
Oregon City
Oregon
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To quote Mel Brooks from "History of the World, Part I",

"Knight jumps queen! Bishop jumps queen! Pawns jump queen! *Gangbang*!"
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115. Board Game: Cribbage [Average Rating:6.99 Overall Rank:440]
GMOFreePortland.com
United States
Oregon City
Oregon
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My girlfriend is really into pegging.
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116. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.12 Overall Rank:6]
Me, sin? Pf! Nah! Chill
United States
Fountain Valley
California
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Another late entry:

"Take one vegetable and place it in your personal supply."

If you've ever had a vegetable in your personal supply, you know how painful it can be.

I think I'm going to start saying this to people who annoy me: "Aw, go take one vegetable and place it in your personal supply!"
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117. Board Game: Thurn and Taxis [Average Rating:7.15 Overall Rank:258]
Mike H
Australia
Adelaide
South Australia
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This only really works with an Australian or British accent.

I was trying to be ever so supportive and blurted out quite loudly "Good Root!" (that's how we pronounce route). There was a short awkward silence followed by some chuckles. No harm done.
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118. Board Game: Imaginiff [Average Rating:5.56 Overall Rank:8549]
Andrew of Mathematical Leanings

Modesto
California
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T'was playin' with some friends including a married couple, and the wife's sister . . . you roll the dice and choose which person to read the question about . . .

My married buddy rolled, and counted spaces, to find a choice between his wife and his wife's sister . . .

To speed things up, the sister helpfully and quite enthusiastically said,

"oo, oo, do me, it's been a long time!"

[then promptly turned a lovely shade of red]
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119. Board Game: RoboRally [Average Rating:7.20 Overall Rank:225]
Andrew of Mathematical Leanings

Modesto
California
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"I went the wrong way into a hole."

or

"Awww, I put my little guy in a hole"

or

"I'll drop a big one."

or

"c'mon, hurry up, I haven't got all day"

or

"just hold on, I'm not finished yet"

or

(combined jacked up with fell off, hilarity ensued)

"Rats, I jacked off in a hole!"

Or (after someone had fallen off a cliff twice in a row)

"Trouble keeping it up?"

or (playing with multi level board)

"what happens if I push her and then fall on her?"

Ok that's enough (can you tell I play this too much?)
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120. Board Game: Citadels [Average Rating:7.19 Overall Rank:215]
Andrew of Mathematical Leanings

Modesto
California
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king: "number 1"

(person who had lost a turn previously to the silly purple building rule)

"Thank you your excellency . . . and now I think I'll screw you, too . . . "

or

"number 8"

"I'll take gold, build a market, and let's see, who can I screw now?"
 
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121. Board Game: Yahtzee Jr. [Average Rating:4.94 Overall Rank:10949]
Julie Taylor
Canada
Waterloo
ON
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This one came from the Toy Story edition played with my 5 and 3 year old last night
"Ooooh! oooh...oooh! You got another Woody."
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122. Board Game: LCR [Average Rating:2.92 Overall Rank:11173]
United States
Wurtsboro
NY
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"Put it in the center!"
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123. Board Game: Race for the Galaxy [Average Rating:7.80 Overall Rank:23]
Joseph Johnson
United Kingdom
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After a session where we also had copious amounts of curry:

"I think I'm going to lay a brown planet"
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124. Board Game: Through the Ages: A Story of Civilization [Average Rating:8.21 Overall Rank:4]
Olivier Lamontagne
Canada
Montreal
Quebec
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You score points with Impact of Happiness.
 
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125. Board Game: At the Gates of Loyang [Average Rating:7.38 Overall Rank:189]
Hunter E
United States
Kirkland
Washington
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The customer satisfaction mechanic led to many sniggers in our group: "Were you able to satisfy her this turn?"
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