Some of you folks despise games that involve dice. I urge you to read this article in its entirety anyway, in case the points I raise enable you to see past the dice and appreciate the depths of strategic gameplay involved in the act of rolling dice. You may also feel free to stop reading and move along (we promise we won't hold it against you), although you will be missing out on a wealth of information that could help you significantly in your next gaming session.

If you are like me, however, you regularly play games that involve rolling dice. In fact, many games we play can be won or loss depending upon how well we roll. Many clearly deficient individuals would claim that games in this category lack any amount of strategic merit, claiming that the dice control your fate, giving you no options during gameplay.

Bollocks!

Obviously, since you are the one in control of rolling the dice, you are in direct control of your own fate. The strategy lies not in how you apply the dice roll, but in how you roll the dice themselves.

As a result, I've compiled this strategy article analyzing the many ways in which the dice can be rolled, and my own experiences employing them. As you'll note: I will not recognize the numerous ways in which die rolls can be fabricated, pre-set, manufactured, or otherwise cheeetorred. I don't condone cheeetorring and therefore will not provide any information to those who might seek to improve their skill in practicing those dark arts. Strategic dice rolling is a serious affair, and I would put a pox upon those who might sully the name of our noble craft by circumventing the methods in favor of the end result.

BASIC ROLLING STYLES
These are rolling styles that can be employed by anybody. Small children traditionally use one of these methods, because they don't know any better. As folks play more dice-rolling games, they may eventually delve into the more advanced methods, but invariably this is where most people begin their dice-rolling journey. Some individuals never graduate out of this category. These sad individuals deserve our pity, as they haven't even begun to scratch the surface of the realm of strategic dice rolling.

Apathetic Dominant [Lefty/Righty]
Method: Pick up the dice with your dominant hand, give them a shake, and roll them on the table.

Commentary: This is the most unimaginative method in which to roll dice. If you generally employ this method, this shows either 1) your lack of enthusiasm for the game, 2) your lack of enthusiasm for life in general, or 3) that you are a lazy sod who just doesn't care. In any case, there's only one word to describe you: Apathetic.

Results: Your dice results will typically reflect your nonchalance and effete attitude. You'll deserve whatever poor results you receive.

Secret Cup
Method: Put the dice in a cup, cover top with your hand, give it a shake, and roll them on the table.

Commentary: This is a slight improvement over Apathetic Dominant [Lefty/Righty], if only because it requires the use of an additional piece of gaming equipment. Regardless, there is still a glaring lack of imagination required, and resultantly, you will deserve whatever results you happen to receive.

Results: Average dice results may show very slight improvement since the dice theoretically get knocked around more against the sides of the cup before they roll across the table.

Hyper-Active Closed Fist Dominant [Lefty/Righty]
Method: Pick up the dice with your dominant hand, hold your hand in a fist, ruthlessly pump your fist through the air in front of you a number of times before rolling the dice across the table.

Commentary: This method is quite a bit better than the previously mentioned, since it reveals an increased level of interest in the outcome. Having said this, it still lacks the complexities of the intermediate rolling styles, and therefore will fare poorly when compared against them.

Results: Better than the previous two basic rolling techniques, but still woefully inadequate when compared against the intermediate rolling styles. Don't even bother trying to compare them against the advanced rolling styles. You'd be wasting everybody's time, including your own.


INTERMEDIATE ROLLING STYLES
These styles are a marked improvement over the basic rolling styles, but still lack the involvement and skill required for the advanced rolling styles. As one might expect, these tend to yield better results than the basic rolling styles, but still pale when compared to the more advanced methods.

Vegas Roller
Method: Pick up the dice with your dominant hand, blow on them in your hand, give them a shake, and roll them on the table.

Commentary: As you'll note, this is very similar to Apathetic Dominant [Lefty/Righty], with the very crucial exception of blowing on them while they are in your hand before you shake them. It is believed that by doing this, the roller is attempting to invoke the direct influence of Fate upon the dice. A risky endeavor as we all know that Fate is a fickle mistress.

Results: Similar to Apathetic Dominant [Lefty/Righty], except when Fate decides to directly help you out, in which rare cases the results are outstanding. As I don't use this method often, I don't have statistics on how often Fate deigns to make her appearance.

Double-Handed Whammy
Method: Pick up the dice, hold them in both of your hands together (simulating a cup), give them a vibrant shake through the air in front of you, and release them on the table with a large amount of force.

Commentary: The roller should be careful of employing this method since it has a tendency to make a mess of things on the board, if they are not careful. Pieces can be pushed off their proper locations, or bits can go flying off the table entirely. It is generally preferable to roll the dice into a box lid, instead of the table itself, if this method is to be used.

Results: As the rolling method is something of an aggregate of both Secret Cup and Hyper-Active Closed Fist Dominant [Lefty/Righty], the results are similar to the aggregate value of both of those inferior rolling styles. It is also a bit more predictable than the Vegas Roller style.

Bouncy-Bouncy
Method: Pick up the dice, shake them in your hand, and then hurl them directly straight down onto the table, causing them to bounce before settling into their final position on the table.

Commentary: As with the Double-Handed Whammy, this method has a tendency to make a mess of the state of the board. Use caution, or a box lid, when employing this method. It is believed that upon bouncing on the table, the dice will convert to a more favorable position before the final landing.

Results: A bit less predictable than the Double-Handed Whammy since you are including more air friction into the equation in addition to the force added from the impact on the table. The physics calcuations are boggling, to be sure. (Except maybe to a physicist.)

Off-Hand High Drop
Method: Pick up the dice, hold them high up off the table, and then let them drop to the table.

Commentary: This is a bit less erratic than the Bouncy-Bouncy method since gravity is the primary force that is acting on the dice. Once again, using this method can have disastrous results on the game board if used improperly, so a box lid is a favorable thing to have handy if you intend to use this technique.

Results: As noted, this is slightly more predictable than Bouncy-Bouncy since the physics aren't quite as convoluted. Conversely, since there are less forces being enacted upon the dice, it gives you have less control over the dice, and you may be more disappointed with the results.


ADVANCED ROLLING STYLES
Here we finally come to the advanced rolling styles, where only those who have truly mastered the previous techniques should feel comfortable practicing these more difficult methods of strategic dice rolling. It should be noted that these advanced techniques are difficult, if not downright impossible, to completely master due to the level of concentration required for each attempt. Individuals can and will spend years and years of their lives honing their style to where they might pull off these maneuvers with a very small degree of accuracy. Due to the ridiculously difficult nature of these rolling types, unless they are all executed exactly as intended, the results can prove disastrous. These are not for those new to strategic dice rolling.

Swaying Monkey
Method: Hold the dice in your non-dominant hand, shake the dice in your hand while leaning side to side, focus your mind on the internal conflict between the desires of your human nature and the bare necessities required for the sustainment of your physical body. Upon achieving a complete understanding of self, release the dice upon the table.

Commentary: As noted above, this is an extremely difficult maneuver. Maintaining the concentration needed to acheive the complete understanding of self can come only with lots and lots of practice. I am not a big fan of this method.

Results: Great dice rolls can result, but only if you put in the time necessary to hone your mental capacities.

Off-Balance Badger
Method: Hold the dice in your non-dominant hand, bring it behind your back while thrusting out your chest and canting to the side, shake the dice while your hand is behind you, keeping your dominant hand out to the side, revolving your wrist in perfect circles until you throw the dice from your non-dominant hand over your shoulder onto the table.

Commentary: The key here is rotating the wrist in perfect circles. They must be exact circles. Any fraction of a degree off of a perfect circle will result in miserable failure. Although it doesn't require the mental acuity of Swaying Monkey, the precision needed for the hand movements bar only the most deft individuals from successfully completing the manuever.

Results: Once again, great dice rolls can result, but only if you have perfected the technique.

Wounded Crane Technique
Method: Hold the dice in your dominant hand, bring it behind your back, bring your non-dominant hand back to create a "cup" for the dice, shake the dice vigorously as you lean your head forward and twirl it around in a perfect circle; finally, catapult the dice between your legs onto the table.

Commentary: Another tricky move requiring moving the neck in, once again, absolutely perfect circles. Nothing else suffices and will result in failure. Strong neck muscles are important in completing this move, and, as a result, not everyone has the physical capability of successfully pulling it off. There have been numerous instances of individuals going to gyms or purchasing BowFlex machines to strengthen their neck muscles, but most of these stories end in tragedy as these individuals work their muscles too hard and destroy the tender meat around their neck.

Results: Amazing dice rolls can result, as will neck aches. Attempt with caution. Practice at your own risk, and please note that I do not condone practice of this risky technique, although I personally do train for this maneuver myself. I understand the risks inherent to this act, but I feel the end results are well worth the danger.

Belligerent Weasel
Method: Keeping your hands stretched out at full-length to either side, holding the dice in your dominant hand, throw and catch them with your non-dominant hand and then toss them back to your dominant hand. This must be done using only your wrists while keeping your arms absolutely still. The slightest amount of arm movement occurring outside the wrist or hands will result in failure. You must do this three times for every die that you need to throw, before finally unleashing them onto the table all at once. Any prematurely dropped dice will result in failure.

Commentary: Obviously, the less dice you are throwing makes this maneuver easier, but even when tossing only one die, the requirements are significantly challenging since successfully tossing the dice from hand to hand while keeping your arms absolutely still is a ridiculously difficult task. Only true masters can effectively utilize this technique with more than two or three dice.

Results: Amazing dice rolls and carpal tunnel syndrome have been known to result. Once again, practice at your own peril.


SUPER ADVANCED ROLLING STYLE

Cocky Chipmunk
Method: [CLASSIFIED]

Commentary: The Holy Grail of strategic dice rolling. The most difficult technique to master. At this moment, there are only two teachers rumored to exist, both in far-flung regions of the globe.

Results: Perfect dice rolls upon graceful, brilliant execution. Misery, otherwise.

Whiny Bow-Legged Octopus
Method: [CLASSIFIED]

Commentary: The individual steps are oft confused with Cocky Chipmunk, although the technique is not quite as effective. The nuances between the two techniques are very minor but discrete. Typically learned from Grand Masters of Strategic Dice Rolling before Cocky Chipmunk, it has been known to cause confusion and disgrace when mistakenly applied mid-Chipmunk.

Results: When performed purposefully, it is quite a good maneuver, although not quite as potent as Cocky Chipmunk. When applied by accident, horrific results tend to occur.



Those are the major techniques for strategic dice rolling. As I illustrated, the more advanced your maneuver, the better your dice rolls will tend to be, although there exists greater percentage of failure. Picking the proper style for each situation is part of the difficulty and enjoyment in strategic dice rolling. Only through constant practice will you begin to see which techniques are applicable for each individual situation.

Clearly, this article does not cover every single technique involved in strategic dice rolling, but only the most popular and enduring moves that have been tested by the ages and which still find use even today in modern gaming.

Also, when playing craps (or other dice games) in Las Vegas casinos, it is not advised to attempt the more advanced techniques as most of the popular casinos have banned them from use. Attempt at your own peril. I, for one, am rather fond of my kneecaps, thank you very much.

For all you individuals who enjoy games that involve numerous dice rolls, I hope that I was able to help broaden your strategic options and give you greater insight into the classic techniques of dice rolling. My hope is that you will use this information to improve your own gaming.

For those individuals who hold "dice games" in such low regard who have continued to read to this point, I hope that I have perhaps given you a better appreciation of the numerous strategies and tactics that can be employed while throwing the dice.

If you dedicate enough time to studying and practicing these techniques, then you, too, can derive a similar sense of strategic accomplishment out of a game of Chutes and Ladders as you can from Tigris & Euphrates.

At that point, you will have entered a brave new world where scant few have ever dared enter.

Come, join us.

We all float down here.

You can't overemphasise the caution required for the advanced techniques. I played a game of Titan once where one player was using the Belligerent Weasel technique, with moderate success. At one point he attacked with a stack with 5 serpents. After flawlessly throwing dice from hand to hand for over twenty minutes, he spontaneously exploded.

Please don't try this at home. Especially at my home.

Um, you forgot the Grisled Wombat. Otherwise this is very helpful. Thank you.

Excellent

Quite a nice treatise, although I'd like to add a footnote to the effect that the Cocky Chipmunk is but one sort of "interpretation" of the Sleeping Squirrel.

Commentary: Whereas the Cocky Chipmunk is the Holy Grail of the known dicing world, the technique simply wouldn't exist were it not for the Sleeping Squirrel. There are no teachers of the Sleeping Squirrel, as it cannot be taught. It must be realized. The Cocky Chipmunk, or so I've been told, came into being as the technique of a fallen Sleeping Squirrel master.

Results: If you can actually execute the technique at all, you cannot fail to obtain a perfect role. Of course, the nature of perfection is not always apparent, even to a master of the Sleeping Squirrel - occasionally, the purity of a given role will not be understood until years later.

Wow, I feel as if I have journeyed all my life to reach this point and hear your wisdom. I have developed a few techniques of my own over the years in my minis career. Could you please read my descriptions and tell me if my methods display some intuitive mastery of higher forms of dice rolling, or if, as my friends tell me, I am "just a spaz"?

Grip the dice firmly, but without squeezing. Take a deep breath. Throw fist forward violently as if rolling, but pull back without letting go. On this recoil, slap the back of the hand holding the dice as you throw open your fingers. This will propel the dice to the table, and I find it very useful for breaking dice slumps.

Hold the dice pinched in your fingers and bring them to your lips. Firmly and matter-of-factly tell the dice what they will roll. Turn 90 degrees left from the table. Raise both hands and your left knee as high as you can. Starting slowly, lower your outstretched arms without bending your elbows. A third of the way to the horizontal, accelerate as fast as you can, slamming your left foot to the ground, throwing the dice, and giving a loud kiai. This one is so draining I have only ever done it once per game.

That's the Grisled Wombat.

You should quickly seek out a Dice Master to train you! Your natural talents are great, but must be honed and tamed lest they are unleashed upon the world in a wild and terrorizing frenzy.

Wow!

I never knew there was such depth to dice rolling! I have been rolling dice now for nearly 30 years and I am ashamed to admit that I am still using the Hyper-Active Closed Fist Dominant method. Sometimes it is accompanied by mumblings of "Oh please! Oh please!", which may affect the outcome slightly, but it still pales in comparison to some of the advanced techniques you have listed.

Thank you for your great wisdom!

What do you call my technique for breaking out of a slump? It involves putting the dice in your mouth and spitting them onto the table. Not only does it break the slump, but no one else wants to use my dice anymore, so I get my own set for the game. It can actually be quite dangerous as games that require rolling large numbers of dice CAN be a choking hazard for the uninitiated.

Chad

Truer words have never been spoken. There is nothing more irresponsible than letting loose with one's natural inclinations for attempting the more advanced methods without any proper training, even if one harbors the natural skill involved. Much like how Bruce Lee was required to check his hands as weapons when boarding planes, you need to be aware of the dangerous power that resides in you and take the precautions to ensure that nobody gets hurt.