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Subject: Geek of the Week #143: HiveGod rss

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Rusty McFisticuffs
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It is with judgment clouded by a week of sleep deprivation delight that I offer for your entertainment your Geek of the Week #143:

HiveGod

HiveGod has long been one of my favorite writers here; the sense of humor and disturbingly vivid writing style in his session reports, game comments, and forum posts have led me to spend many hours shopping for surveillance equipment which might enable me to learn his secret. (And he registered in 2003, people; he is old.)

Before we delve deeper into the mind of the man, first we must study a sampling of his works:
- One of the best session reports ever: THE UNMANNING.
- This powerfully compelling image.
- Why, he even managed to make Talisman sound like a delightful and engaging game! That's talent!

Now, on to the alleged "facts" which he would have us know about himself:

HiveGod wrote:
I suppose I should start with the stuff that would turn up in any halfway decent obit:

"Forty-one year old professional writer and teacher, devoted husband, father of two boys and owner of what can only be described as an astonishingly comprehensive collection of pornography--"

Wait a minute--how did that get in here? It's not mine, honest--I have no idea where all that stuff came from--

"--including everything from 'amputee' to 'zoology.'"

Oh dear god, no--how do you stop your own eulogy? That zoo stuff is horrible, all the more evidence that it's not actually mine--as for the amputee stuff, to be fair, they're sexy people, too--

My mom just shakes her head and mutters, "Even in death, you embarrass me."

I didn't grow up in a gaming family per se, but we did have games in the house, and I was the main pusher. My earliest gaming memory is of the Peanut Butter & Jelly--very manly and auspicious, let me assure you. I played a lot of Tank Battle, Bermuda Triangle and Bionic Crisis with my dad & brother. Six-player Risk was also a fixture, if only in my own mind--I conquered the world pretty much constantly... all by myself.

Of course, just like everyone else on Standard Gaming Path 1-B/Sub-Artery TSR, D&D changed everything. Not only was it the bright, shining blueprint for permanent virginity, but also a gateway to other wonderfully weird pleasures. We played the hell out of all the Microgames, with Ogre, G.E.V. and especially Chitin: I being daily fixtures in the school lunch arbor. I actually played Snit's Revenge every day of seventh grade with the same guy, and he never won. (I like to think that that experience taught him an important lesson about tenacity--that even when falling into a meat grinder it's important to hang on as long as you can, just in case.)

College didn't see too much gaming as I'd broken the lock on the virginity problem and was busy 'casting lots' elsewhere. Then Magic: The Gathering hit and I went for more than a couple of spins on the CCG merry-go-round, generating a second wave of gaming that's pretty much built without cresting to the present day. Though I'm derived from solid Ameritrash stock I do have some Eurogaming gland grafts, and in the end I enjoy all games and will try anything once. Yes, even Agricola.

Today I game primarily with my wife and sons, and much of what appears in my Played list is from family time. I am also incredibly lucky to have a boisterous and unapologetic RPG group to play everything else with: Arkham Horror, Twilight Imperium (Third Edition), Princes of the Renaissance, Here I Stand & etc. They're the kind of friends who won't hesitate to poke you in the eye with a stick and then make you feel like you deserved it...

(But really, if I've written anything even remotely entertaining about gaming it comes directly from our experiences at game night. I owe those guys my gaming life. And a sharp stick in the eye. What are you looking at me like that for? You were totally asking for it!)

Some gaming issues I feel strongly about:

FLGS Support: I support my friendly local game store, even though I can get games for 187% off online with free shipping and all that jazz. I don't mind paying more because it's a tribal nexus, a place I can walk into and just belong. Everyone's there for the same stupid reason I am, with the same irrational love for imaginative play. The simple fact is that when game stores close, the hobby shrinks. And while it may become more concentrated online, it's still smaller. Besides, I don't really want to go play Twilight Struggle at Starbucks--too much 'splainin' to do.

Narrative in Games: Like it or not, the process of playing a game tells a story. Or at least provides dots that can be connected to make one. For me, this is the primary reason to play, and I naturally fill in the blanks as I go. Even with games that wouldn't seem to suggest it--did you know that Sorry! is about Buddhist serial killers?

Now it's time for me to lie... and you know how to tell if a writer is lying, don't you? It's when his fingers are wiggling. I promise--no, really!--that only one of these is fake:

1. I have licked the Wienermobile. With my tongue.

2. I worked as a 'before' model for a US Government publication on exercise.

3. I was the Antichrist in a schizophrenic's delusional system.

LET THE BACK-SASSING BEGIN!!!

All right, I'll begin with only a small portion of the arsenal of questions I'm prepared to unleash:

1. Your username: whaa?
2. This image: what is it from--is that, like, a real dude, about to split his head open? And, uhh, couldn't you have pointed the eyeball a different direction?
3. Professional writer of what? Do you get to use phrases like "pyroclastic shards of Hell" in your day job, or is it more like "we continued building on solid traction in our core markets?"
4. Are you self-assured enough to not notice or care whether you get thumbs? (I've heard that some people compulsively check to see who's thumbed their stuff.)
5. Do your kids have any idea--I mean the slightest inkling--of how cool you are? Or do they just nod and roll their eyes when you try to explain?
6. Homeschooling!? Are you mad?
7. Of course normally Miss Manners furrows her brow in consternation at the thought of blowing her own horn, but she shrugs in acquiescence when asked in her own Geek of the Week thread, so: show me three things you posted on the 'Geek which you felt were read and/or appreciated by fewer people than you expected or hoped. (Or, rather, show me three things you've posted which you'd like people to see.)

OK, enjoy your week, HiveGod, and thank you for being part of BGG!
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João 'Finding a new way to make you WTF today' Marum
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Holy hell! Now we're going to have fun!!

Let the party begin!

Congrats!
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Davido
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From time to time (e.g. when the reigning GOTW actually rates it favorably), I do the "Cosmic Encounter Personality Test":

1. which version?
2. favorite power(s)
3. favorite power combos
4. favorite power selection mechanism
5. favorite 'add-on' not in any of the standard editions (if any)
6. if you've ever played Witch or Schizoid, best curse/victory condition
7. Every CE game is its own story/narrative-any one stand out that you care to share
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Mark Casiglio
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ConnCon 2015: March 13, 14, 15 in Stamford, CT
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Awesome. This should be an interesting week.
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Tom Payment
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Congrats! Where did you get that eyeball?
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Josh Adelson
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Well, I see the otherness of being other is otherwise contraindicated
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Who cares where it came from or whether it's correct or not? Certainly not me
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Well 3 can't be a lie, because the board gaming world is peppered with far too many schizophrenics. Number one can't be the lie, because it's so obviously true. I'll have to go with 2.

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Rob
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AWESOME!!!

OK, I've gotten that out of my system. I've got a couple LEGO-related questions:

What is your favorite attraction at Legoland California? Personally, my favorite is Miniland USA, which I consider a work of art in its own right.

Which of the following is your favorite LEGO product line?
Exoforce, Bionicle, Mars Mission, Mindstorms, Technic, Knights Kingdom.

Have a great week and enjoy it!
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L Myrick
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wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Hmmm....going with #2 as the lie.

obligatory question: wtf? Answer in any way you like.
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Rick B
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Congratulations!

Just one question. What does "CHROME, NEON & AN ACUTE SENSE OF MORTALITY" mean to you?
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If Actions Speak Louder Than Words, Then Actions x2 Speak Louder Than Actions
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Sheesh! They'll make anyone Geek of the Week! Congrats!
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Simon Lundström
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Now who are these five?
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Come, come, all children who love fairy tales.
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OMG TEH PWNAGE
If I had given HiveGod a GG each time I've laughed my head off from his session reports, including all those times along driving the car, all of a sudden chuckling over a vision of raiders stealing the all the warrior's crap, or compulsively re-reading the Ultra Mega Cry Factory, Mr Chris could probably feed his family on GG only and I'd be indebted so much that the Aldie would wonder who the hell could have generated a NEGATIVE GG amount on the admin account and tax people would be here selling away my stuff.

I'm thoroughly amazed you haven't been GotW yet, so I guess it's about g*dd*mn (reads as gïddümn) time.

I don't even have a question that pops up in my mind.

My most fervent BGG wish would be to play Alibi Saknas: Herrgårdsmordet with mr Chris. It would be history.
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Colleen
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Fantastic choice!


Congratulations Hivegod. Your humour is priceless.

Hivegod is a mysterious man. One day I discovered that I had been illuminated:
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/image/332016

I have since discovered what it means...anyone care to guess?

Hivegod, here is my question: What is nothing?

Oh and here's a balloon dog.

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Mike Jones
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Yeah it's here! Really it's right here.
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Congrats!


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THE JTSPECIAL-OID
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Congrats!

(Short & to the point!)

Have some cake!
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Chaddyboy
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Bloooooop.
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Awesome choice!

My question: Can you please post an image of your avatar photoshopped into another image?
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Congrats.

I'm gonna go bolt everything down.
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JessA
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Congratulations--- I have been assimilated into the hive.
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Simon Lundström
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Now who are these five?
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Come, come, all children who love fairy tales.
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Jatoha wrote:
Congratulations--- I have been assimilated into the hive.

Oh no. You gave me an idea.

The transparent background doesn't seem to work.
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I played the Pepperoni Game! Came close but no cigar...
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I am a Talking Aviator? I say, whatever shall they think of next? Anyone up for a game, then? Tally Ho!!
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Congratulations, HiveGod!!

One quick question, how would you rid your basement of Oods?

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Diane Close
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MisterCranky wrote:
... I'll have to go with 2.



Now Cranky, everyone knows that if you're gonna lick the wiener, yah have to lick the wiener -- full on! (Uhm, can I say that on the geek? Did I just say that? Oh my... blush ) None of this just licking the car stuff. That doesn't count.
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T. Nomad
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I must say it's about time the hilarious-teacher-writer-pornographer demographic represented at GotW.
Thanks, Hivegod, for taking the pressure off the rest of us.

Sociocultural parameters aside, why do I love HiveGod? Because he says things like
Quote:
tribal nexus
and writes dirty, dirty session reports.

Love your useful advice: how to shuffle tiny cards is a classic. Your further contributions (both oculo-graphical and literary) also never fail to slay me. Your avatar serves as a useful reminder to swallow before reading further, so as to avoid giggle-induced spitting or snorfling.

For my initial questions, as always I defer to Bernard Pivot, the French intellectual:

1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word?
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
4. What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
5. What sound or noise do you love?
6. What sound or noise do you hate?
7. What is your favorite curse word?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Legoland in Billund, Danmark was one of the pilgrimages of my youth. Now that I'm quasi-youthful, why should I go to sunny CA's version?

Which media does your porn collection include? Is there an adult-themed game worth playing? Got any naked pictures of Sola Aoi? Want some?

Wiggling fingers? Do you really write longhand?

As a HiveGod, you must have at least dozens of eyes. How many remain unstuck?

Congrats.

#2 is the lie: #s 1 & 3 reeked of pride.
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The amazing & fabulous
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Hooray for HiveGod - You have been known to cause an awful lot of drinks flying out of my nose induced humour here, and I like it.

I'll ask you my peanut butter question here:

You likey peanut butter?

Smoooooth or crunchy? (I like it both ways.)

And now I would like to ask you if you would consider letting me have the eyeball thingy tattood onto my body? I have been looking for a new tat for about a year, and I think the flaming eye would possibly be a good one to go with. Can I get your permission?

Big squishies Hivey! You rock!!

xxx
Shebby.

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Jeff Wiles
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Norbert Chan
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Wow, so this is what you get for 100 pieces of gold.
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Dear Mr. Tannhauser,

What is nice, subversive, endangered species like yourself doing in Sao Luis? If you find the Brazilian police too busy monitoring your postings, or threaten to put you in a re-education camp, just say the word, the BGG emergency response team will assist you in any way possible.

[Edited by the Brazilian Spy Agency]

Never mind, I'm sure your life is total bliss. Don't worry about those guys knocking on your door, tapping your phones, or editing your posts on BGG.
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Et in Vantasia ego
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Yo! Congrats on thatz!!


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