Calavera Hermosa
United States
Tucson
Arizona
-
There are a bajillion reviews on here now for this game, and rather than adding to the general clamor and blind abject animeeple Fimo-clay pornfest, I thought I'd take some time to explain why this game might actually appeal to those of you, like me, who are not really the target market for wooden bits, abstracted mechanics, and nice, safe, conflictless hippy love-fests that are essentially the typical fair of mathbrained, spreadsheet-shilling, Euros. In this review I will be manly and awesome, and I will do things such as refer to the game in question by it's much manlier nickname, "The 'Gric" because "Agricola" sounds too classy and cosmopolitan, whereas "The 'Gric" just sounds somewhat slightly more bad-ass.
Also, a warning. I will probably possibly upset you in this review, since I will say things like "Diplomacy is awesome," and "Euros have pasted on themes." If you're the type of pasty-faced cubicle monkey whose IBS acts up when people challenge your values and ideas, than maybe it's time for some Pepcid AC, and a little alone time with your copy of Puerto Rico.
So first some background:
I am an Ameritrasher at heart. I love plastic. I love theme. I love player elimination. Dice give me goosebumps. I like my games sexy and full of hot colorful petroleum-based bling bling. I like the brutality of the Ameritrash. I like to feel like something is actually at stake when I play games and if there is one thing I love about Ameritrashy games, it's the crushing pressure of being gang-banged by the table for coming on too strong. I love that in no other sub-genre I've found but Ameritrash, I can pretend, for just a short moment to be part of an epic struggle of awesome glory and doom-filled razor-edged danger planet McCoolness.
But more than that, I absolutely love games with hardcore negotiation or with wiggle-room for a meta-game. I like the chance to mess with my opponents, to trash-talk, bribe, threaten, cajole, garner sympathy from, persuade, convince, trade, barter, beg, and otherwise manipulate. My favorite game, surprise, is Diplomacy, which means about half of you now, the half who lack the intellectual and emotional fortitude for a game like the Dip, are going to stop paying attention. That's fine, you also are not the target of this review. (I will acknowledge if you look at my ratings, I have shown some love for games like Princes of Florence, Carc, Settlers, and Arkadia, so I can see where some of you are coming from, even if you aren't willing to extend me the same.)
So with all of this in mind, why in the seven hells of tedious multi-player solitaires (Puerto Rico, cough cough, don't sneak out of the back of the room with your tail between your legs like you don't know who I am talking about) would I ever like a game like The 'Gric?
It's simple. The reason I like Ameritrash or Negotiation games is because they essentially conjure a sense of immersiveness and flow that I find missing in many of the cold, calculating spreadsheety Euros. The best games for me are games where I can forget, for a bit, that I am playing a game, and can be caught up, absorbed fully by the feeling that something is actually at stake. (Indeed, I would argue, one cannot truly win a game if one does not play as if there is something actually at stake, even though games are essentially acts of collaborative make-believe for which there is nothing inherently at stake, unless one considers the status gained among ones peers for winning to be worthy.)
Anyhow, with that introduction in mind, let me talk about the 'Gric, so you fellow Ameritrashers can join me over here on planet Euro (which looks a lot like Berlin during Communism, btw) and play what I consider to be a fantastic game.
1) The 'Gric is Theme-rich. Ok fine, yes, that theme is farming, and not giant-ass space battles or epic fantasy struggles full of scantily-clad hot babez in chainmail bikinis. But the reason we like our themes is not so much the genre from which the theme arises, it's the feeling of escapism. The theme of The 'Gric provides for escapism. Indeed, if one were to look at George R.R. Martin's fantasy series, A Song of Fire and Ice closely, one sees things like the desperate struggle of people, even farmers, to survive in a world that is often cruel and dangerous. The 'Gric captures this. The first time I played it, the thing that flashed through my head was, "oh $@&^, my family is going to starve to death!" I wasn't even worried about scoring points, I was just worried about making it to the next harvest. Thus, like Ameritrash games, the 'Gric integrates it's theme instead of being a pasted on abstraction.
2) Let me say it again, like most Ameritrash games, The 'Gric makes me feel like there is actually something at stake. In Arkham, I know that I could spend time collecting money and buying weapons, but if I don't try to close some of those gates, than monster surges make my life impossible, and the terror level goes up and all the good stores close, and oh crap, suddenly Cthulu will rise up from R'lyeh and eat the planet and we all go insane and die horrible deaths or are lost in time and space. That's scary, in a good way. Similarly, in The 'Gric, I could spend time just building up my farm (the way I would collect money and buy guns in Ark), but WINTER IS COMING (sound familiar?) and if by fall Harvest if I haven't figured out how to put food on the table, things will hurt. That's scary, in a good way. Ok, some mixed metaphors. But seriously. It's good to actually give a crap about what happens. The 'Gric makes me give a crap.
2b) Furthermore, the endgame in the 'Gric accelerates. Like in WOTR, as the Fellowship nears Mount DOOM, and the armies of Sauron start slaughtering elves and cities start to fall, things accelerate toward a dramatic climax. It's nail-biting. In the 'Gric, each phase triggers a harvest more and more quickly and there is so much you wanna do but you know it's all going to end before you have the chance and what if you just only had one more round, but no, it's all going to come to a close before you have a chance to do every thing and and and... You see? Nail-Biting Immersion!
3) Cards. No, not just cards, but cardZ. And card comboz. I'm talking 133t power comboz. It's like Magic: The Gathering, the worlds first Ameritrash cardgame. There are a kajillion cardz, and they allow you to do cool stuff that gives you an advantage over your opponent. You like the cardz in Starcraft where you can buy technologies and upgrade the abilities of your Protoss so they can turn into Archons and slaughter all the stupid Zergs? What about that thingy that lets you play with the super-special gold tokens of doom? In The 'Gric, you can buy abilities for your farmer called professions, which make him Archon strong, or you can upgrade your farm with "Improvements" that let you do things similar to the super-special gold tokens of doom. Such as the corn scoop! Or the ladder! Ok, that sounds like sarcasm, but it's not, I swear. The first time I played a multi-player game of the 'Gric, my opponent played a 133t combo that let him get extra wood, and at the same time leave wood behind to gain food, netting him all the wood he would otherwise get plus free food. If you've never played the game before, that may not make sense, but I promise you, it's a 133t combo, and which true Ameritrasher doesn't like free food?
4) Civ building. Sssssshhhhhh. This is a secret, so don't tell those guys over there stroking their Caylus box. Remember in Twilight Imperium 3 when you can like build up your civilization in your bid to take over Megatorio Rex? Ok, c'mere, sssshhh, you gotta be really quiet about this because it might upset those people who think Agricola is really just about worker placement and resource management. The secret is, The 'Gric is really a civ-building game. No, I'm actually serious, so shut up and listen. It's definitely Civilization Building, only it's a MICRO-civ instead of a MACRO-civ. Running a farm is exactly like running a civilization. You gotta keep track of all the little details. You gotta upgrade to be good, but you gotta upgrade when the time is right--not too soon and not too late, or it'll hurt. You gotta micro manage. You build toward greater overall complexity, and those things actively interact and effect each other. The resource management is economic, but not extrinsically so - in other words, it's an internal economy you are managing, instead of being at the whim of an external economy. Furthermore, like in Civ games, in The 'Gric, you are rewarded directly for the extent to which you are able to upgrade and develop--the most victory points go to the player who is able to develop his civilization the most. And like Civ games, you are in direct competition for the other players for which upgrades you can get. I mention all this here because there was definitely some bitching about Agricola not allowing people to specialize in their strategies and instead being required to focus on an all-inclusive strategy. Those people have overlooked the fundamental similarity between farm building and civ building. Euro games that allow people to specialize in their strategy (say Puerto Rico for example) actually reduce player interactions, since there is less of a reason for players to come into contact and conflict with each other. You focus on shipping, and I focus on trading and building, an ne'er the two shall meet. Contrastively, the 'Gric, by forcing you away from specialization, forces you to compete over resources more directly. There are moments when you'll turn to your opponent and go, "You bastard! Those were my sheep, MINE! Do you hear me?! I am now going to destroy you!!!" Just like a Civ game. Only, sadly, no war.
5) This is a silly reason, but no less valid: The 'Gric dethroned Puerto Rico. You heard me. This upstart farming sim totally pwnd that dry, calculating game where the little brown slaves colonists work on mastah's some Spaniard's plantation, and ship boring indigo and corn and coffee to those greedy bastards back in mother Spain. The 'Gric booted the tush of that game that is essentially a glorified Excel spreadsheet and the fact that it did it so quickly and that so many people are upset about it is, frankly, funny and awesome and fawesome (funny + awesome). What Ameritrasher doesn't take special glee in pissing people off? Well if you join us over here, you'll see how fawesome things are and be able to further upset those grumpy, constipated Riquenos. Ok, so ratings are arbitrary, and no one really cares if their favorite game (Diplomacy) is rated lower than it ought to be (#158.) Still, I've played Puerto Rico. I'll even say I enjoyed Puerto Rico. But I enjoyed it like I would enjoy a night at the opera. Something to appreciate for the experience, for the high culture, something I intellectually know is good, but which fails to really engage me beyond that level. (Maybe if I learned Italian?) Puerto Rick? It's dry. And not dry like an Arrogant Bastard Ale from Stone Brewery. It's dry like math homework. It's dry like lectures on 18th Century Spanish Settlement. The 'Gric, on the other hand is not dry. It's hoppy and delicious, with a high alcohol concentration (you can be a master brewer in The 'Gric! You can make beer and schnapps!), and a malty character (it's clear to me that the grain you are growing is actually barley.) And if you are a true Ameritrasher, you know the only thing better than a good gaming session, is beer. And maybe girls. But especially beeeeeeeerrrrr. Yes, that's right, you heard it here first. The 'Gric has beer.
6) FIMO clay. You know you thumbed those pics of FIMO clay farmers. Admit it. If you could make giant FIMO clay dragons for your game of Descent, or giant FIMO clay Great Old Ones for your game of Arkham Horror, your friends would totally give you the giant high-five - low-five combo like in that movie Top Gun. Wooden discs that come stock aren't that bad... more abstract than I like certainly, but the game essentially becomes Ameritrashy when you start playing with hairy farmers and wrinkly farmers' wives, and hot farmers' daughters. How very odd that this is even an issue, but FIMO farmers do make it more fun. So do plastic piggies from target. And if you're an Ameritrasher you won't be able to resist. And I am here to tell you: that's ok. It fact, it's pretty fawesome. It certainly takes and fun and awesome game and makes it fawesomer.
So that's it.
Now you know.
This is a good game and not just for those people who like doing math problems for fun or, ahem, fondling their wood.
The only thing that would improve it, that I can think of, other than secret orders or maybe war, is that given the prevalence of cattle, more cowbell.
-
Tony Allen
United States
Grand Prairie
Texas
-
Holy Cow!
What a great review!
Holy Cowbell!
-
Señor Evil Monkey
United Kingdom
Sittingbourne
Kent
-
There is death in Agricola, plenty of it infact. Squish the cows thru the mincer (they were looking at you funny after all), spit-roast the hogs (real men cook on open fires and drink the aforementioned beery beverages!) and pick despondantly at the measly bits of stringy meat on the lamb chops...
Plus, on top of that, you can gloat over your opponents empty fenced off pastures... 
There's sex! Ok, family growth actions may not be overtly raunchy (but you are allowed to keep a sheep in the bedroom!) 
Great review by the way 
edit: for cruddy spellung... 
-
Henry Rodriguez
United States
Long Prairie
Minnesota
-
You p'owned all other 'Gric reviewers with this review!
I agree wholeheartedly with every statement you made. After my friend (GAWD) and I played this twice during Gencon, he characterized it as the Twilight Imperium of Euros.
...and just like in TI:3, I kicked everyone else's arses.
As another responder noted, this game includes heated copulation.  What is better than that!?!? Not even the warm trickle of blood down one's arm from the stab to your (ex)-ally's back is as good as that
-
Grzegorz Kobiela
Germany
Hanover
Lower Saxony
Stalker!!!
-
Greatest. Review. Evarrrrrrrr!!
-
Jason Wiebe
Canada
Edmonton
Alberta
-
Sweeeeet.
You have my most sincere congratulations on a review well done!!! 
Life, death, sex, sheep  and carrots. What more could you ask for?
-
Jeff Jackson
United States
Mather
California
OK, one time Randy Beaman had to take baths with his brother. So one time his little brother took a potty in the bathtub .....and now Randy Beaman gets to take showers alone. 'K, bye.
One time, OK, see, one time Randy Beaman's little brother ate Pop Rocks and drank a soda at the same time and his head exploded! 'K, bye.
-
Dude, I laughed out loud more than once. Very well done.
And yes, we need more cowbell!
-
Tim Fiscus
Germany
Landstuhl
Armed Forces Europe (AE)
-
This is a great read! One of the best reviews, style-wise, that I've read in a long while. I love the voice you used in composing this - made it very easy to read out loud to my wife and chuckle along.
 + 
-
David Smidt
United States
Littleton
Colorado
-
Wow, Matt... That was one fawesome review of the Gric' (and I now have new words in my vocabulary)
-
Jed Hastwell
Australia
Adelaide
South Australia
-
Wow, what a great read... Totally fawesome!
-
Simon
United States
Washington
Dist of Columbia
-
MScrivner wrote: Puerto Rick? It's dry. And not dry like an Arrogant Bastard Ale from Stone Brewery. It's dry like math homework. It's dry like lectures on 18th Century Spanish Settlement. The 'Gric, on the other hand is not dry. It's hoppy and delicious, with a high alcohol concentration (you can be a master brewer in The 'Gric! You can make beer and schnapps!), and a malty character (it's clear to me that the grain you are growing is actually barley.) And if you are a true Ameritrasher, you know the only thing better than a good gaming session, is beer. And maybe girls. But especially beeeeeeeerrrrr. Yes, that's right, you heard it here first. The 'Gric has beer.
Brilliant!
-
Bob Hansen
United States
Menomonee Falls
Wisconsin
-
D00d, dat waz schweeeeet! Ur review r0x0rz. Totally pwns all other reviews by euro-n00bz!!1!!11one!!
-
Geoff Burkman
United States
Kettering
Ohio
"Punk is not dead" by daughter, Emily
-
Kudos for a great read and numerous grins! Now I want this game more than ever!
-
Damon Mosier
United States
Tucson
Arizona
-
HuckmanT wrote: This is a great read! One of the best reviews, style-wise, that I've read in a long while. I love the voice you used in composing this - made it very easy to read out loud to my wife and chuckle along. +
LOL when Matt gets excited he actually talks like that. I'm the "friend" who played the two occupations that essentially gave me free food whenever I grabbed wood. I hadn't realized how great that was when I played it (it was an early round in my first game) until he started hooting about how awesome it was (he hadn't yet invented the word fawesome).
I gotta tell you, adding little homemade figurines totally makes this game pwn more than it already does. When we played, he was the first one to expand his family. He happened to pick the "teenage son" figure he made. When I got around to popping a baby, I decided it would be funny to put out the "teenage daughter" figure. The one with the massive cleavage. I joked about how it was a tactic to corrupt his son and make him do my bidding. Later on, I decided to grow the family again. With much fanfare, I placed my teenage daughter figure on the expand space, followed it up with the baby figure, and hollared like a redneck that his no-good-so-and-so son knocked up my daughter! We were rolling with laughter.
Like Matt, I enjoy Puerto Rico when a game comes up. It is a fine mental exercise. The 'GRIC has the same mental challenges inherent in PR, but the 'Gric is just so much DAMN FUN!
(BTW, he teaches Creative Writing so it is no wonder this is one of the most entertaining reviews I have seen)
-
-
Quote: Euro games that allow people to specialize in their strategy (say Puerto Rico for example) actually reduce player interactions, since there is less of a reason for players to come into contact and conflict with each other.
This is wisdom. I don't know how many people I've seen totally fail to understand this very important point.
-
Rusty Ballinger
United States
Arcata
California
-
MScrivner wrote: Remember in Twilight Imperium 3 when you can like build up your civilization in your bid to take over Megatorio Rex?
Mecatol. Your AT membership card's self-destruct sequence has been initiated; you now have fifteen minutes to reach minimum safe distance.
-
Paul Newsham
England
Hampshire
-
A genius review.
If I didn't already own, I'd buy it based on this. 
-
Jason Pack
United States
Hendersonville
Tennessee
-
I just finished watching the Board Games with Scott review of this game. It looks like a lot of fun. And this review is by far the best review for a game I have ever read.
-
Paul Lister
United Kingdom
London
-
Amazing review! I already knew i love this game, now i know why i love it.
-
ian smith
Scotland
Glasgow
I Play Green
-
If only the game lived up to the review, I look forward to the day that sense prevails and the rest of the community finally rate agricola for what it is, a decent role selection game which tries and fails miserably to make its mark upon a marketplace stuffed with faster and more strategic games which actually provide the one massive thing which agricola absolutely fails to deliver ..... player interaction.
Wake up guys, its just not that good!
-
Jens Hoppe
Denmark
Frederiksberg
What are you, like 80?
It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.
-
Great, great review, and I agree with almost all of it: Agricola is both strongly thematic, and features a gazillion cards with plenty of potential for unbalancing combos. Neither is usually to be found in eurogames, and I really wouldn't characterize the full game of Agricola as a eurogame.
Commenting on one specific point, I kind of disagree that the lack of specialization necessarily leads to more player interaction: The two things are not as such related, although they often turn out to be in many implementations. Of course, making everybody fight for exactly the same stuff is likely to increase interaction, but allowing specialization doesn't mean there won't be interaction - it might just be a different set of mechanics that provide that interaction.
Also, it is not a black and white issue: One can have some specialization, even if it means less "competing for the same stuff" interaction, without eliminating one or the other completely. Take AH's Civilization, for example: There's a limited number of each kind of civ card, and each player is also limited in how many he can buy total. Nevertheless, players will specialize their civ purchases during a game, but will ALSO many times compete for the same cards. Interaction AND specialization.
-
Julian Steindorfer
Austria
Vienna
-
MScrivner wrote:
3) Cards. No, not just cards, but cardZ. And card comboz. I'm talking 133t power comboz. It's like Magic: The Gathering, the worlds first Ameritrash cardgame. There are a kajillion cardz, and they allow you to do cool stuff that gives you an advantage over your opponent. You like the cardz in Starcraft where you can buy technologies and upgrade the abilities of your Protoss so they can turn into Archons and slaughter all the stupid Zergs? What about that thingy that lets you play with the super-special gold tokens of doom? In The 'Gric, you can buy abilities for your farmer called professions, which make him Archon strong, or you can upgrade your farm with "Improvements" that let you do things similar to the super-special gold tokens of doom. Such as the corn scoop! Or the ladder! Ok, that sounds like sarcasm, but it's not, I swear. The first time I played a multi-player game of the 'Gric, my opponent played a 133t combo that let him get extra wood, and at the same time leave wood behind to gain food, netting him all the wood he would otherwise get plus free food. If you've never played the game before, that may not make sense, but I promise you, it's a 133t combo, and which true Ameritrasher doesn't like free food?
fawesome review and as somebody said agricola will be the first collectable boardgame.
-
Daniel Val
Spain
Madrid
Madrid
-
Every now and then someone on The Geek delivers a review, a geeklist or whatever as good as this one and it makes you realize:
-You are part of the best community of people: boardgamers
-You are lucky to have this website to meet
-Some people here are really smart and fawesome
Also, any review including combined new words is, by definition, good. My gaming group spends a lot of energy making them up. Here's a few:
-A night that you're planning to go to the Bingo, the karaoke and play Poker: Bingoker night
-You have bought the worst champagne and cannot drink it as it is? No problem, you mix it with coca-cola and you have cocapagne (not that it solves the bad taste, but you drink it in a better mood)
-You're playing Guillotine and drinking red wine (in spanish is called Tinto wine): Guillotinto, there you go
-Something is both terrific and horrible: terrorible
And so on
-
-
Great review.
Can't believe this is your only one. Do some more, quickly!
(And for Pete's sake, make some arguments I can disagree with)
-
Jack van Riel
Netherlands
Nijmegen
-
Eurogames are awesome.
Diplomacy is awesome.
This review is awesome.
I guess I should get Agricola then... for it very well might be awesome.
-
|
|
