A researcher in a biohazard suit is holding a copy of Pandemic with some metal tongs. People around you scream and run away, but being intrigued by the board game he is holding, you decide to hang around. "Hey you!" he shouts from inside his bubble suit. "Want to play a fun cooperative game?"

A) Everyone knows there can only be one winner in a game. Shared victories are defeats and "being a team player" is a dirty insult where I'm from. Go to #1.
B) My middle name is cooperative. Yes, I got made fun of a lot in school. Go to #3.
C) Only if this is a cooperative game that is actually fun. Go to #2.

#1 You have been vaccinated previously from getting infected with the "Pandemic Board Game Virus." You are immune to its charms, and need not pay it any heed.

#2 Do you mind a stiff challenge in a cooperative game?
A) If I win less than 90% of the time, I declare a game "impossible, poorly designed, and broken." Go to #1.
B) I'm fine with a tough but reasonable challenge. Go to #3.

#3 What game length and complexity do you like?
A) Anything less than 6 hours or fewer than a hundred pages in its rule book is a waste of time. Go to #1.
B) Playable in less than an hour with easily explainable rules sounds great to me. Go to #4.

#4 Does a relatively abstracted theme of fighting global spread of disease sound fun?
A) I earned a Masters in Public Health while dreaming of this day. Go to #5.
B) Yawn. Couldn't this be about WWIII or something? Go to #1.
C) Definitely different than standard fare, but I could go either way. Go to #6.

#5 You are predisposed to being susceptible to the "Pandemic Board Game Virus." This is a chronic disease, and it is contagious to close friends and family. Symptoms include the constant desire to play "one more", interest in vaccinating your children against "the blue cube disease", and trouble concentrating during news coverage of the swine flu as you imagine plucking cubes off cities that it has spread to.

#6 Willing to spend 23-35 bucks for a game with pretty standard components (wooden cubes, glossy cards, good board)?
A) Why not? Health care for that price is a bargain. Go to #5.
B) I absolutely HATE the sight of wooden cubes. I started an Ameritrasher boycott of all games with such an unoriginal component. Go to #1.
C) Not too bad for a game, but I'm not sure. Go to #7.

#7 You have a subclinical exposure to the "Pandemic Board Game Virus." Your immune system may fight it off, but you should seek out someone that has the full blown disease. Ask them about their symptoms, try fighting some global diseases with them once or twice, and then decide if you want the cure or not. I suspect you won't, as this virus is the only one I want to have.

Very funny, and accurate! Well done.

#7

#5