Every Man Needs A Shed

Life and Games (but mostly games) from Tony Boydell: Dad, Husband and Independent UK Game Designer, Agricola fanboy and jealous admirer of Carl Chudyk. www.surprisedstaregames.co.uk

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Some Snow (white) and the Seven Dwarves

Anthony Boydell
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Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was a Kingdom. The Kingdom, verdant and ethnically-diverse in line with recent Mythical Domains & Fantasy Settings legislation, was populated by witches and swarmlings and giants and fakirs and nomads and alchemists and Quantity Surveyors and many more Races besides (14, to be exact, though no-one is quite sure as to why this exact number as it bears no magical significance). Ruling over this mystical land were kindly King Jens & fair Queen Helga – beneficent monarchs and amateur dramaticians – supported in their daily dealings and Regal decision-making by their Grand Vizier: Black Uwe. Black Uwe seemed, to all who cast eyes upon him, an Evil and Wicked Stereotype replete with sweeping, obsidian robes; long, arched eyebrows and a tendency to cackle at inappropriate moments. Underneath this devilish veneer, however, beat the heart of a gentle mouse – albeit a mouse suffering with rabies and an extreme bi-polar condition, but a mouse just the same.

Living in the mountains, not far from the castle of the goodly King & Queen, were seven gamer dwarves who spent their days, tiny tools in hand, banging away up a dark passage for little satisfaction. When their exertions were completed, they liked nothing more than stripping off and soaking in a hot, bubbling, foamy bath; the coconut-aroma of the frothy lather combining with the sweaty tang of the exhausted miners as they massaged each-other’s bronzed, iron-like muscles and rubbed each-other down with raspy loofahs, gently exfoliating their…er…

*cough*

The 7 diminutive delvers went by the names: Foodie (Iain), Skinny (Jimmy), Beardy (Richard), Biggie (Carl), Spendy (Steve), Filthy (Tony) and Regretful (Dave).

We play play play play play play play with our games the whole day through
To play play play play play play play is what we really like to do
It ain’t no trick to get a quick ‘Gric
If you play play play with a Terra Mys-tick!

It’s a mine! It’s a mine! It’s a mine! It’s a mine!
Your own co-py you must find!

Chorus
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho!
To the Stafferton we’ll go


*Whistle*

Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho… etc

Relocating to Ye Olde Stafferton for supper following a strenuous day pumping the bejesus out of a troublesome shaft, the dwarves congregated in a corner bay and set up two – count ‘em: TWO - copies of Terra Mystica. Foodie and Spendy had not yet played this, so it was down to Filthy – with interjections from Beardy – to explain the proceedings. Supper was disappointingly-humdrum compared to the recent servings at Ye Horse of the Shire: Sunday-style roasted meats and winter vegetables, all carved - ineptly - by a monosyllabic jobseeker with his portion-size comparator set somewhere between “weedy and pathetic” and “wouldn’t sustain a child”. At one point, the incompetent caterer attempted to slice some beef for a customer and sliced the metal hotplate instead; he then gave up and handed a half-empty plate to the disappointed client and moved on to serving someone else. What a tit.

Foodie, Skinny and Filthy made up game 1, the others game 2.


The usual parade of bickering, move-questioning and rules-lawyering ensued and the three-header finished well before the four with Foodie, on his first play, pulling off an impressive victory (122, Swarmlings) from Filthy (105, Giants) and Skinny (in the 70s, Dwarves).


On the other half of the tavern’s trestles, Regretful (also Giants) was continuing his impressive streak of wooden spoons pipped by the noob Spendy (Nomads), followed by Beardy (something Green) and the winning Biggie (Swarmlings).

The halfling trio filled in the waiting time with Regretful's copy of Guildhall which raised a couple of rules questions that were then hotly debated by the other four - despite them still having several T.M. rounds to go! Biggie and Beardy, in particular, locking horns across the cardboard while the Guildmakers played on - and finished - regardless.

Tense, but enormous fun.
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Thu Jan 17, 2013 5:57 pm
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Unboxing Snowdonia

Anthony Boydell
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As this seems to be the new trend on BGG - opening stuff, slowly decanting it onto a surface, putting it all back in the box and then putting the lid on again - I thought I'd lend things a personal touch and give you the experience of the game's DESIGNER opening a copy...


1. A-ha! There it is! Such a lot packed into such a small space; everything is so colourful and fresh and organic - apart from the plastic baggies that smell like fire ash and the toxic wood treatment obvs.

---


2. Like many other games, Snowdonia has total-everything-up-at-the-end scoring for which you will need this delightful little score pad. Each page was printed using a variant of the 'potato print' method where, in this instance, the inky stencil was glued to the banging forehead of a volunteer Geek trying to upload a medium quality image of his family playing Hey! That's My Fish! to the games' BGG page only to have it constantly rejected for an increasingly-nitpicky series of reasons by the Moderators.

---


3. Yummy! A sweet, minty treat for the weary gamer and no mistake! I'd sent a box or two of this tooth-rotting, fake energy source to the manufacturer for 'random insertion' but I've not heard of anyone else picking one up in THEIR copy...perhaps 'random insertion' was misinterpreted? There are web-sites for that kind of thing, you know.

---


4. The Contract card deck plus all of the other bits and pieces: engines (or trains or locos or mechanical, steam-powered dooberies depending on how pedantic you want to be), track cards, stations, references and so forth. As an amusing gimmick to eat up some of our hard-earned profits and frustrate excited gamers at Christmas, I'd asked the collators to switch language-specific decks into the wrong boxes; they duly obliged.

---


5. Baggies - one simply cannot survive without baggies! Well, if one ends up sealed INSIDE a baggie then survival is somewhat in jeopardy but you'd have to be a REALLY small gamer for that to be a risk TBH. You probably wouldn't have made it passed unboxing the 1.75 million pieces that come with your copy...

---


6. Never mind the game itself, feel the HEFT of the wooden pieces - over 300 of 'em: big and small cubes, elegant pawns and discs. I sprained my wrist taking this photo...well, shortly AFTER taking this photo but that's another story *coughs*

Now, what's that peeping out from under the rulebook and board?

---


7. I've gotten a few misshapen components in games before but this takes the custard cream...actually, I'm joking (!) This was actually the first prototype Surveyor piece...deemed impractical when I upped the player configuration maximum from 4 to 5.

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8. Quite simply the cutest, smoochiest, cuddliest and most loin-stirringly obsidiate-to-the-touch start player marker there has EVER been - better, even, than the Jade Buddha you get with Zong Shi (which is rumoured to have been sourced from a hideously-disrespectful string of anal beads).

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9. The oddly-proportioned cube bag (designed specifically to prevent players from interfering with the resources with such unacceptable items such as their hands) and the traditionally utterly-ambiguous yet completely-clear-as-crystal rulebook.

---


10. Oh, typical! Like the bloody bag, these are too bloody small! *gets on phone to Europe*

---


11. Some first edition copies came with an extra mis-packed copy of Snowdonia also included - looks like I picked up one myself...I wonder if THAT copy has an extra copy in it too?

---


12. The board - all of it, folded in to a sufficient-small size so as to fit in the game box. *Phew* Dodged a bullet with this when I'd originally-suggested the board be 1:8 scale - the cost wouldn't have gone up much but - boy - the BOX was BIGGER than the one for Spellbound!

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13. After the fiasco with the microscopic resource bag, we made sure that a sensible alternative was also included.

---


14. All that remains is the ubiquitous Agricola L-Deck card with my face on it (did I say that I'd gotten myself an L-Deck card?) and a 100 year old postcard sent from the mountain by a tourist with no understanding of how his personal gesture of familial communication would, someday, be owned by an obsessive geek with an active eBay account and an itchy <CR> finger.
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Tue Jan 15, 2013 2:38 pm
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A Quick Thought

Anthony Boydell
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It's awfully quiet around here, isn't it?

My guess is that everyone's terrified that if they start typing anything then the site will go down ag
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Mon Jan 14, 2013 10:27 pm
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...and a Lie-In

Anthony Boydell
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As I lie here resplendent in my duvet, curtains half-open to the sunshine-y morning, I am moved - once more - to thoughts of this-and-that.

One meditative thread is that I really ought to be getting up but, hey, it's still - officially - the ante meridian so just a few more toasty-toe minutes, eh? I mean, in some parts of the World it's still night, and I don't want to be getting up in the middle of the night now, do I?

Over the festive period, I found myself lured by the UK wing of Kickstarter and became a proud funder of a movie - yes! I am a Film Producer now (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1538713376/the-fitzroy). Apart from wanting to see this quirky black-comedy on screen, the shiny things that tempted me were the cast & crew-signed posters (there's to be a series of five) and the chance for me and my family to appear as cartoon characters in the opening credit sequence - how cool is THAT?

I was also hypnotically drawn in by the colorful goodness that is Dicecards (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/890276109/dicecards-the-...) which all of you will surely invest in, if you haven't already for goodness sake - just LOOK at them; how can you resist? If nothing else, you will get a conversation-starting set of playing cards for 8 quid(ish)! It's gonna happen too because it's an unstoppable, inevitable force of Geekiness.

Last night (Sat), I introduced my eldest - recently 18 and now possessor of a full UK driving license - to the joyful, sweary, bang-bangy casserole that is Pulp Fiction. I've not seen this one myself since the days of VHS, so it was surprising how fresh it still is! Stylishly fast-talking it's way through the time-circular plot, always engaging and hypnotic. She enjoyed it very much and laughed out loud at THAT moment ('the gun, the car and Marvin' bit) - next on the filmic education agenda is Alien or Big Trouble In Little China.

My brother brought over a large plastic chest of 'old Lego' at Christmas and after sorting and cleaning it (old putty, lint, broken bits and dead flies) and decanting it into a more suitable storage solution, this has proved a wonderful time-hoovering distraction for 'us boys' in the Boydell household. DVD just finished and still got 30 mins until supper? Pour out the Lego and get constructing those shuttles, drop-ships, lunar landers and satellite communication systems - pins & needles, 'Lego knee' and torn fingernails are but a small price to pay.

I recently took the lads for a trip to Clearwell Caves in the Forest of Dean - an iron mine from days of yore - because they just needed to get out of the house for a bit, goddammit! Nothing piques the curiosity of young boys more than showing them some big holes in the ground and telling them they can go and have a rootle about! Sixty chill, musty minutes wandering through muddy caverns followed by 15 in the tacky giftshop was pleasingly well-received by the tykes; I also managed to pick up a reproduction map of the iron and coal mines of the Forest of Dean which - no surprises - looks like a game board! These things have a tendency to snowball...

Good Sunday to you.
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Sun Jan 13, 2013 10:52 am
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That Was The Week That Was

Anthony Boydell
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Crumbs.

A double-header of Terra Mystica on a relatively-quiet Tuesday night (recounted in the previous blog post) colourfully acted as a prelude to a more worrying few days. My youngest daughter, 15, was complaining of abdominal pains last week and I spent Friday in A&E and Pediatrics waiting for Doctors and a Surgeon to decide what was what - would she need to stay in for observation? Would they need to operate? As it turned out, they sent us both home in the late evening with an 'it's NOT appendicitis' diagnosis - relief for Daisy who, with her elder sister and mum were nipping up (140 miles) to a big family do the following day: twin girl cousins reaching 21, no less. I would remain home to babysit the boys and watch The Dark Knight in all of it's Ledger-esque loonery.

Monday was a return to school (cue: glum faces all round) but also the continuing tummy-aching for Daisy...on Tuesday, after a further visit to the local Docs, Mrs B had to take her back into hospital. Two attendances in the space of four days = an overnight stay, for sure and - halfway through Wednesday - a subsequent exploratory operation to see what was going on in there. I happened to be in the middle of London while this was happening so you can imagine how the woes of an IT project failed to interest me in the slightest while my offspring (2 of 5) was under the knife!

Thursday's return home - via the hospital to see alternately sleeping/morphine-affected and tripping (slightly less heavy) daughter - meant picking up the reins of managing the household while the Missus kept vigil in the Recovery Room. It was appendix-related, though a little more complicated, but is now 'completely sorted' and - as of yesterday (Friday) - Daisy is home and resting.

*phew*

Anxiety? Exhaustion? Massive expense on Hospital car-parking? We've had the lot...but, amazingly, I have managed to get some more gaming in

With young Miss B all cosy and pillow-nested in her own bed, all chocolate bar and DVD-playering, and everyone full to the brim with Friday night chips, I was able to scoot over to the Ross-on-Wye club for a little distractive game-therapy. I clutched Terra Mystica, the only thing I'll be needing for a few weeks TBH, and confidently strode into the bustling White Lion bar and demanded the six of us in attendance immediately break into two 'threes'.

For the rest of the evening John, Gordon and I shared a table to ourselves. I taught them the magnificent T.M, although I made a massive mistake with my Mermaids: confusing their standing bonus ('groups of buildings count as a city even if there's one river space between bits') with the SHIPPING track, which only lets you skip river spaces for the purposes of terraforming adjacency! Consequently, I built a city spanning two rivers with gaps of three spaces at a time due to a SHIPPING of two and the bonus card that gives temporary SHIPPING+1. I realized my mistake and then tried to build a second city 'way off', which hampered me enormously. Ho-hum, it doesn't matter because it was still challenging and smooth and fun and thinky and interactive and beautiful-to-look-at and thematic and tense and lovely-lovely-lovely! I shall be a stuck record about this one for a while yet, I fear.

Kicking the scrounging pub mutt away from
a) my pineapple juice, and
b) the remains of our pork scratchings, and
c) with the other table (Ben, Becky, Bill) having blasted through
d) Keyflower and
e) a couple of Airlines: Europe (AKA Ticket To Fly),

we finished with the smartly-simple (and simply smart) Divinare. I seem to have a natural gift for this one and led from the very beginning without being troubled by even a single -1 token. Then I was outta there.

As I stopped off at the local garage to stock up on chocolate bars for 'the girls back home', I reflected on what was a calm and contemplative end to a mind-swirling and surreal week.

We're not even half-way through January yet!
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Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:48 pm
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Running in Terra

Anthony Boydell
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Finally, finally...FINALLY! After a drought over the Christmas period that parched my gamer cells to within an inch of dehydration and inevitable bio-collapse, I got to play something meaty with some meaty (Christmas is so bad for the hips) people.

Accompanied by a gourmet New Year menu, the Shire Horse - expensive but cosy and equi-distant - once again played host to some geeky-looking blokes with their haversacks of games...cue: "Is it like Monopoly?" and subsequently cue: local paper headline about violent attack with a Specials Menu clipboard.

Guildhall provided a tasty starter but was always going to be John The Baptist to Terra Mystica's Jesus. I gambled everything on pulling a Trader in one of three colours in the top 10 cards of the deck to pull off the 'hit 20 first' win immediately before the other two (David, Richard).

Enough of the short, on to the main bill: Terra Mystica fulfilled every expectation I had of it, having Geek Marketplace-d a copy from Poland for just over €100 before Christmas.

David struggled to contend in both games we played, though seemed to be getting more things done more efficiently in Game 2. Richard rode the games like the old Pro that he is and I was extremely satisfied to give him a run for his money in both...lagging just 4 points behind in the first, and 10 in the second.


Playing the Giants in game 2: round one Stronghold to allow a double-spade every subsequent round = 'a good thing'

(for those who'd like to sing along)



His name was David, he was a gamer
With lots of fillers by his side, he was short and pretty wide
He would play Euros and eat Lasagne
And while his explanations sucked, gaming nights he never bucked
Across a crowded bar, they played 3 hours or 4
Who could ask for more?

Chorus:
We played Terra (Teh!), Terra Myst-ah-ca (Myst-ah-ca)
The hottest game north of Agric’la (here)
Deep in Terra (Teh!), Terra Myst-ah-ca
Priests, workers, money? We’re bees to it’s honey
With the Terra….you’ll fall in love.


(Terra Terra Myst-ah-ca)

His name was Rico, he had a black beard
He was escorted to his chair, he saw David playing there
They set up Guildhall, were joined by Tony
But Rico couldn’t steal the win, so Tony snuck the 20 in
And then the table cleared and Tee Em it appeared
There were tribes and a lot of building
And the winner had a beard!

Chorus:
We played Terra (Teh!), Terra Myst-ah-ca (Myst-ah-ca)
The hottest game north of Agric’la (here)
Deep in Terra (Teh!), Terra Myst-ah-ca
Priests, workers, money? We’re bees to it’s honey
With the Terra….it’s good, by Jove!


(Terra Terra Myst-ah-ca)
(Terra Terra Myst-ah-ca) (Terra Myst-ah-ca, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Terra Myst-ah-ca)
(Playing Myst-ah-ca It’s top banana)
(Priests, workers, money…bees to the honey)

His name is David, he is a gamer
But that was only yesterday, when he came along to play
He played it two times, but couldn’t win it
Rico always coming first, Tony second, Dave the worst
He sat there thinking deep, gained th’occasional veep
He lost at [b]Guildhall[b], he lost at Terra
But he ain’t losing sleep!

Chorus:
We played Terra (Teh!), Terra Myst-ah-ca (Myst-ah-ca)
The hottest game north of Agric’la (here)
Deep in Terra (Teh!), Terra Myst-ah-ca
Priests, workers, money? We’re bees to it’s honey
With the Terra….it is your move.


(Terra) It is your move.
Terra Myst-ah-ca
Terra Myst-ah-ca

(repeat to fade)
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Wed Jan 9, 2013 9:25 am
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Seuss you, Sir!

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The sun did not shine.
It was too cold to play.
So I sat in the house
All that cold, cold, cold day.

I Facebooked Ben Bateson
I sat there, online.
And I typed: "Why don’t we
Test that board-game design?”

The chap said: “Okay,
I’ll be over at Eight”
I put beer in the fridge
And some food on a plate

So all I could do was to
Wait!
Wait!
Wait!
Wait!
And read stories to Arthur
Till quarter to Eight.

Ben knocked at the door
He was punctual at least
And we moved to the lib’ry
(It’s located due East)

He unpacked his components
Some cubes, dominoes,
A map of Welsh borders
And a notebook (for prose).

We played it once through
Tweaking rules as we went
Then talked at the finish
Till comments were spent.

It worked pretty well
And it deffo don’t stink
So it’s on to V.2
(Soon as Ben’s bought some ink)

We still had some time
A’fore Ben’s need to flee
So two-p Divinare
Sounded super to me.

It was all nip and tuck!
Nip!
Tuck!
Nip!
Tuck!
In the end I prevailed
(Was it luck? Was it f*ck!)

Ben departed, most pleased
With a beer in his belly
I retired to the lounge
Watched ‘Miranda’ on telly.
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Tue Jan 8, 2013 3:02 pm
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Postage & Packing

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Obviously, it would be ungracious of me to complain given the wonderful time I've had as a game designer in 2012, but I'm going to have a minor rant anyway - only a little one, to get the pressure off me chest a bit.

Exactly 12 months ago, I was three months into a major IT project and had yet to be paid for it - the old Bank Account was gasping and I was sailing into the shiny new year on fumes alone - hence the blog absence. Happily for the financial side of things, and for my own ability to eat and sleep, the issue was resolved 'in time'. My outlook on the world was somewhat glum, to say the least, as January moved into chilly February but the good Lord had other surprises in store for me...oh yes he did! The awesomeness: Snowdonia, joint publishing deals, UK Games Expo and Essen Spiel notwithstanding, the 'real job' has been a super-duper success as well (despite the occasional duplicitous diversion) and now that 2013 has emerged, bed-headed, from the millenial duvet croaking for coffee and a 'good long piss', I want to have a whinge. Well, more of a mini-whine really - a bijou grumble.



What, in the name of all things Good and Holy on the Planet Earth, do the Royal Mail think they're doing? What in Hades do they think justifies £3+ ($5) to send four wooden cubes in an envelope - the thickness of a generous annual letter to a relative - to anywhere outside of the this fair Isle? It cost me the same to send a deck of Snowdonia cards - probably 10x the volume! BTW the deck, in a related example of frustrating fuck-wittery would've counted as a cheap letter if I'd un-cellophaned and 'fanned them out'.

When, today - after several visits over the Christmas period to dispatch missing Snod components worldwide - I finally QUESTIONED their pricing decisions/policy, the haughty operative at the counter started unpeeling the Customs Declaration sticker from the envelope and suggested I 'take the risk, then'...hang on! It's MY money being spent on this grubbing process not YOURS, you snooty witch! I'm allowed to ask the bloody question *hurrumph*

All done - I feel better for that! Thank you for listening.
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Mon Jan 7, 2013 11:32 am
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NYR

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The beginning of the Year seems as good a time as any to attempt to change one's outlook on the World; I'm surprised more folks don't link this chronological transition with behavioral and psychological metamorphosis but, hey, there ya go. Personally, I've set myself a series of goals that - the Lord willing - will make me a slightly better (possibly healthier) person:

1. Stop moaning about how bad a game is after playing it just the once
I don't like it when other people do it, so best I don't do it myself. I've not been a major sufferer of this condition, but 2012 saw kind and gentle soul Uncle Steve trip-trap across the Troll bridge (the M25) for weekday gaming and almost EVERY item he presented for our delectation suffered my scorn: Seasons, Strozzi, Edo, Zong Shi and so long-list on. With the benefit of a night's sleep and a mellow early-morning coffee, my reflections on these games were more charitable - so why such instant hate? Well, I think I'm quite weary of learning new stuff all of the time and hanker after the warm, Horlicks-y comforts of 'things we already know'. One new game per week is probably tolerable...and this brings me to no.2:

2. Buy fewer games / play those I've got more
I love buying games but my library is packed up to the paperbacks with stuff I'll never play but I just feel happy to have 'just in case' - this cannot go on, so some rationing is required. I really want to play Terra Mystica to death in the next month; I want more bites at Eclipse, the Power Grid: Northern Europe and United Kingdom map, extra sailings of Fleet, Keyflower until I vomit and - yes - much more Agricola. Expect some increased eBay activity soon, too.

3. Eat more healthy food when gaming
Takeaways taste sooooo good, dammit! But sitting down for long periods while choffing low-grade meat cuts in fat-laden sauces is bad for the heart, the waistline, the wallet and the density of one's stool. My missus got me a 'Gourmet Gaming' cookbook for Xmas: it details a wonderful variety of tasty 'game night' nibbles...oh, hang on...that means no more Pork Scratchings! Ok - I'd better add 'at home' to the title. Also, do wine gums count as one of your five-a-day?

4. Do something with all of the Ephemera I've collected
Apart from the shiny new toys, I'm quite the hoarder of the old and curious - perhaps opening a tourist attraction for it all? The great thing about having a 'museum' is that the gift shop would be awesome, wouldn't it? Poo! That makes a mockery of No. 2! Maybe I could open a B&B then I could attract gamers...er...that would make No.3 untenable as well. Still, it would be a lot more fun that 'real work'.

5. Ease up on the Reiner Knizia jokes in my blog
Nah! Jus' kiddin'
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Tue Jan 1, 2013 8:07 pm
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Christmas Games (sort of)

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Though cardboard and wood featured very little in the Festive diversions, we did end up playing quite a lot of 'games' on the Day that the World was Saved:

a) Procrasti-Stocking - the delicate pressie-opening dance in those murky, early hours where everyone is desperately excited about Santa having decanted the contents of his sack liberally across the Living Room carpet BUT no-one wants to be the first to have opened everything. We all get off to a splendid, even-handed start...wrapping paper stalagmites quickly accrete next to choccy-coin foil shavings and the unlooked-at 'Letter from Father C'; oohs and aaahhhs as books, CDs, toys, toiletries and 'silly fillers' begin to be revealed and then - barely-noticable but there nonetheless - a slowing down: arms reach deeper into stockings; the frenzied tearing abandon of the first revealings are now replaced by everyone's urge to pick at sellotape and fold the unharmed paper because 'we could use that again'...eventually, without parental intervention, a solid state of frozen brevetting would be achieved with all parties unwilling to pull the last item out for review.

Useful tricks are to keep one present behind the tree (and out of sight), so that when something thinks they've held out the longest you can reach under and brazenly announce: "Oh, we've missed one! It's for...me!" And victory shall be yours!


b) Whovian Chairs - with the good Sci-Fi Doctor gracing the screens on the annversary of the Deific Incarnation, it's a deadly-serious Art to get yourself into the best seating position! Cosy up with the cushions too soon and you'll be called back in to help with 'the coffee', too late to the Parlour and you'll be precariously-balanced on the wobbly pouffe for the duration! I favour 'the nod': encourage the littlies to watch one of their DVDs beforehand - it's denouement coinciding with the pre-Who rituals - and make sure you sit with them and fall asleep in the comfiest chair! With any luck you'll be woken up, gently, with a snack AND get to see the temporal (if a bit naff) shenanigans from 'the Royal Box'

c) Botty Kerplunk - We all know the stresses that lead up to the 'B.C-A.D transitional' but one of the more colonic effects is marblestool (aka pebbleplop) that combines with the rich wind of Christmas lunch to induce a 'rat-a-tat-shat' of Nanna-awakening water-spouts. Also known as Butt-leships or Monoploppy

d) Avoid-eo Games - no-one could possibly complain at the food, the gifts and the televisual delights of the Season of Good Swill BUT these glorious distractions and indulgements come at a price: the clearing up! Sweet baby Jesus in his Manger but it puts a bloody kybosh on the proceedings and so plugging in the 'X-Buck 360' or the 'Ploystation' can prove indispensable! Fiddling about trying to 'tune in' or 'set up' a piece of electronic equipment is the best tactic as this cannot be disturbed for fear of corrupting hundreds of pounds of hardware; one could also try 'taking the dogs for a walk' or nipping off to the Petrol Station 'for more milk' - the latter has the bonus effect of making you out to be a hero in time of direst need...just don't get caught pouring the full fat down the U-bend in the first place!

Greetings of the Winterval to you all.
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Thu Dec 27, 2012 8:37 pm
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