Every Man Needs A Shed

Life and games (but mostly games) from Tony Boydell - Independent UK games designer, self-confessed Agricola-holic and Carl Chudyk fan-boy: www.surprisedstaregames.co.uk

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"If the crowd are behind you, you're facing the wrong way"

Anthony Boydell
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(the quote is from renowned UK comic Simon Munnery; also this post contains pomposity, ill-formed argument and wild generalization in the hope of creating a whirlwind of controversy)

There is much talk, nowadays, of innovation in gaming; the desire, so we are told, is for new and interesting departures from the norm - for the never-before-seen. The old ways are done with; we're in the 21st century and must cast aside childish things; designers should not seek the instant approval of our audience but, instead, confound and challenge them at every turn.



This is scalding horsewater of the yellowest hue because Pandemic Legacy is just Pandemic with permanent marker pens and a 1960s sci-fi plot; 'Exit' et al are just The Adventure Game in a box and anything with an App is Electronic Detective*.

We don't desire (or deserve) innovation, we only THINK we do when - in fact - we just want more of the same of what we know we like as quickly (and regularly) as possible thank you very much.

Familiar,
re-purposed,
re-visited,
re-worked and
re-booted are the true order of the day; everything else is aspirational, pseudo-intellectual hogwash.

Concept cars always look great and exciting but you can't get a week's shopping for a family of 7 in to one of them; this similarly applies to the "groundbreaking"/"revolutionary" Magic Maze - the box is too small, you see, and the condensation from the refrigerated goods always makes the cardboard soggy.

I seem to have wandered off the point, somewhat, so rage hard in the comments section then go about your business. Thanks.

*a friend and I wrote a version of this on his Dad's Commodore Pet 80 (in 1980, oddly), printed it all off and typed it in to the school's Pet 40. It never ran properly after that, so we just went on to the playing fields for 30-a-side football.
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Thu Jul 20, 2017 9:20 am
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Minnellium 2000!

Anthony Boydell
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Click [Play] and...




It hardly seems like three years since I crossed the magic 1000 posts line only, now, to find myself - chest thrust out against the shiny tape - pressing home the 2000! Only one other BGG blog has been this way before me and that's Eric's BGG News which had a head start, to be fair (but I'm catching him albeit very slowly).

Qn. Is there anyone who's been with me since the beginning*

I've laughed, cried, ranted, travelogued, designed (and designer diary-ed), japed, "session reported", surreal-ed, rumoured and generally muscled my way in to your mornings (or your last thing at nights) since 2011 and yet I still can't get any love from The Geek Weekly! I get (much) love from you folks, though, and that's the (second) best kind of Love of all.

Qn. Why don't people thumb humorous posts with Polls/Quizzes in?



Just like when its one's birthday on a work day, it is I who have brought along some treats!

First up, for those of you who are still having - or who just got the game and are about to have - problems with Guilds of London's iconography, I've done a couple of helpful markup sheets. Simply print on to A4 sized labels, cut out and then affix to the bottom of each card before sheathing in the branded sleeve of your choice:




(If my GoL expansion ever sees the light of day, I'll be sure and get these done on transparent, sticky plastic)




Qn. What is your favourite post evva?

Secondly, I have been awfully selfish in my persistent banging on about "having a shed" (and the need thereof/therein/wheretofore), so I've made some up for Snowdonia and they come in a variety of first-come first-served flavours:


Costs are varying (there is no defined order, just choose the one you want). Your 3rd worker costs 1 coal, but if you pay an extra coal you get your 3rd worker AND you may take a contract card from the selection - if you do take a card, replace it immediately from the top of the deck. During train maintenance you must discard a contract card you possess or lose the train Shed.




Finally, here's a special edition from Boydell's FLGS:

Quote:

(we are in a FLGS; you can tell because it smells of stale farts and pizza dough even though you’re just reading a description of it on-screen. There are a variety of new releases in the display window along with a sign that says: “Don’t ask because we don’t have: Gloomhaven, any 7 Wonders Dual promos, that game with the ‘tits’ in).”. The cashier is stood behind the counter trying to release his hand from the counter-top, to which it has been stapled)

Doorbell: Ding-dong-dong-ding. Dong-ding-ding-dong.

Customer: (brushing dry leaves from his shoulders) Good afternoon.

Cashier: (looking up; covers stuck hand with a tea-towel) Ah, yes. Good afternoon, Sir! Can I help at all?

Customer: (chuckling, he takes a piece of folded paper from his breast pocket and opens it) Yes, indeed; I very much hope so! Do you have...Whorer Et Labora?

Cashier: Do you mean Ora Et Labora...by Uwe Rosenberg?

Customer: No, I mean Whorer Et Labora by Duvet Rosenbonk. It's about building and running a place of ill-repute.

Cashier: We haven't got any games by Duvet Rosenbonk

Customer: It's about placing your workers in to empty action slots...mostly.

Cashier: That's as may be, sir, but we don't have it.

Customer: You must have heard of Fields of Arse?

Cashier: No, sir.

Customer: A Fist for Odin? (the cashier glares at the customer) - I see. How about games by Richard Breese?

Cashier: Why, yes, we DO have games by him.

Customer: Deflower?

Cashier: Key-flower, sir.

Customer: No, Deflower. Or Inhabit My Berth?

Cashier: (confused) How are you spelling "Breese", sir?

Customer: B - R - I - E - F - S. The 'F' is silent.

Cashier: (annoyed) Of course it is.

Customer: (looks at list again) I'll try another des-

Cashier: (catching on) Before you ask, "sir", we don't have any games by "Stiff 'un" Feld or Anal R. Moon or Ign-arse-y Trevijerk or Reiner Ker-tits-ia or Alexander Fister or Phil Wanker-Harding or -

Customer: (interrupting) Eric Wang?

Cashier: (fed up) No, sir; and now I am going to have to ask you to leave -

(the cashier tries to walk around the counter but his hand his still stuck to the countertop; he tugs extra hard and the hand is freed - the staple pings off and hits the doorbell)

Doorbell: ting!

Customer: Wait! Wait, I want to buy -

Cashier: (hustling the customer toward the door) Out!

Customer: Tony Boydell?

Cashier: What? (he pauses his pushing)

Customer: Tony Boydell - do you have any games by Tony Boydell?

Cashier: Not "Boney Toydell"? Not "Tony Bordello"?

Customer: No.

Cashier: (dusts himself off; notices there is a huge hole in the middle of his staple-less hand) Er...well I've got a copy of (reaches down to pick something up and shows it to the customer) this?


PAUSE

Question: What game did he show the customer?**





So, there you have it: two bloody thousand posts***.

-phew-

Can I stop yet?

*excluding anyone who has died or been imprisoned, naturally.
**there shall be a prize for the best answer
***Of course, I'm expecting peeps to thumb the 'flip' out of this post!
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Tue Jul 11, 2017 6:05 am
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I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle

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Fri Jun 23, 2017 11:11 am
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Whattheactualheck?

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Read this, please:

https://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/1797551/polite-negative...

Okay?

Now please tick one of the following:

Poll: The OP making the 'polite negative feedback' is...
The OP who made the 'polite negative feedback' is:
Not polite in the slightest and should be beaten with rotten celery until penitential
Not polite in the slightest and obviously having a pop at the Publishers for their own twisted, bitter reasons
Not polite in the slightest and should be forced to play Splendor until their eyes bleed
Not polite in the slightest and, frankly, I'm disappointed you didn't do more cussing Tony
Obligatory alternative option.
      193 answers
Poll created by tonyboydell


Good day to you...

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Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:03 am
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That thing...

Anthony Boydell
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...didn't go the way we'd hoped/expected; we're angry, sad and confused. It's tough to see the lighter side of life at the moment but we're all in one piece, at least.
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Thu Jun 15, 2017 8:53 pm
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Don't Bring Me Down

Anthony Boydell
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(posts to social media)
Hey everyone! I played {insert name and picture of new hotness here} last night and it was really enjoyable - an excellent first impression!

(cue: [Reply]s)
i) I've heard it's crap from a mate who read something on a Reddit thread sometime so it doesn't interest me...ergo it's crap.

ii) I've got a copy but not played it yet - should I sell it before I take it out of the shrink?

iii) It's a Kickstarter product...ergo it's crap.

iv) I haven't played it but I don't think it's as a good as {insert name of other game here}...ergo it's crap.

v) The theme is pasted on...ergo it's crap.

vi) It looks like a bunch of the "usual mechanics"...ergo it's crap.

vii) I missed out on the campaign, feel insanely jealous but can't possible let this show...ergo it's crap.

viii) I had a bad experience on the forums with a bloke who once worked for the company that made it...ergo it's crap.

ix) Too many people are saying it's good...ergo it must be really crap.

x) I don't like you (the OP)...ergo it's crap.

xi) It doesn't come with sculpts or minis...you get the idea by now.

Somewhere, amid the resulting 100+ replies, someone will agree/empathize with the warm fuzzy delight/positive vibes of the original post but you'll be hard pressed to find it. Ergo. It's. Crap.

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Sun May 21, 2017 6:30 am
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Toppermost of the Poppermost?!

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Message In A Bottle

Anthony Boydell
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So, today, in the UK, our Prime Minister (who looks like an am-dram Miss Haversham and for whom the electorate did not vote and was gifted the role by a posh, spam-faced pig-rapist) - along with her herd of mooing, money-grubbing, rancid cronies - is pushing the Article 50 button to remove the United Kingdom from the European Union (and the single market too). And she's doing it without any idea of the consequences, without any plan (that she's prepared to share with 67 million citizens) and in spite of continued and fervent protest.

Consider the country in which I now live: greedy con artists in Government, an insignificant wet fart (who quite likes the whole idea of leaving Europe, actually) in the role of 'the opposition', a rampant-and-racist media gleefully pumping out it's poisonous arse-gas and a population numbed by (induced and unfounded) fears for their own livelihoods. You are seeing the asset-stripping of an entire Nation, perpetrated in plain sight, and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it except rage against the open, undaunted sky.

I am thoroughly-ashamed of this hateful larceny, this deplorable fraud: not in my name, you thumb-on-the-scales merchants...

Not

In

My

Fucking

Name!




P.S. Any help from 'outside' would be much appreciated.

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Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:20 am
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I respectfully request that you wind your necks in

Anthony Boydell
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WRT Scythe winning a lot of Golden Geek Awards:
E This wasn't a decision from the Nobel Committee
E You not caring for it means nuthin' and your quickly-taken umbrage means even less
E You are part of a minority that actually engages on BGG; the silent majority form the site's Dark Matter that leads to such perceived injustice.
E Perhaps more deserving titles were not available in large enough quantities to inform the great unwashed who, rightly, got quickly sick of hearing about how great something was without ever being able to get access to it (I'm looking at YOU Terraforming Mars and VAST)
E I happen to like Scythe very much so "Yah! Boo! Sucks to be you!" *thwrrrrp*
E Being nominated in the first place is honour enough; besides, there are plenty of other Awards (DSP, IGA, ICI, MFF etc) better suited to your current 'Favourite Game of Forever' (aka 'The game I like the most - this Month - until the next one comes along', which leads me nicely in to...)

WRT Rising Sun on Kickstarter
E Calm the Hell down, people; the only thing anyone knows about this game is that it comes with pretty plastic pieces (er, see my next point)
E Eric is a lovely man but I'm not funding £100+ on the basis of "Designer Loveliness"; for THAT price I'd want a handjob too! Mind you, some might argue that Geeks willing to spend £100+ just for fancy the minis are well-able to give themselves a handjob (perhaps that's what painting your miniatures means?)
E Ever thought about playing a game, from a few years back perhaps, that is highly-regarded instead of fixating on this shiny NOW-NSENSE and staring at your letterbox until the Postman arrives with a box that's just given the poor bastard a hernia?
E Remember the backlash over Blood Rage? No? Well, then...
E Buy a copy of the excellent Ikusa instead; THAT has minis and is a corkingly-good game that's already proven!

WRT How long I say it takes to play Guilds of London on the box
E It was play-tested over 10 years and the average times come down to those shown on the box; those are MY figures and my estimates. Perhaps we need an extra rubric element representing how long it will take to play 'the first time'...which would need to be further split in to gradations from, at one end: "By a competent group of gamers who read the rules and have a realistic expectation about how proficient they will become after a first play" through to, at the other end: "By a lazy, distracted group of whiners who expected to solve the whole thing after looking at the picture on the back of the box whilst also getting the high score on Crossy Road / Instagram-ing their new trainers."
E Er, this one's VERY specific to me...I think I had one-too-many coffees this morning.

WRT The title of this post
E ...applies to me as well; yes, I am fully-aware.

*sigh*

*breathes deeply*

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Wed Mar 8, 2017 2:54 pm
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(a) Black Sabbath

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Apropos of nothing at all, an hypothetical question:

*ahem*

(deep breath)

When you bring a game along to a meetup and you teach it (as best you can despite heckles and arguments and blank looks) and then you play it and people seem to have ignored the explanation given and/or not listened at all and/or complain you didn't tell them something when you bloody well did and/or they make loads of mistakes which you point out during the first hour but then just give up because it's sodding exhausting and/or they start challenging YOUR moves because you're doing interesting things and you have to re-explain everything again because you're basically being accused of cheating when all you wanted to do was play a bloomin game...is it okay to take out a weapon and kill them?


Poll
Is the above sufficient grounds with which to claim self-defence when murdering members of your gaming group?
No. Now...take this flower and let's hug, you poor angry person, you.
No. Killing is always wrong and, besides, you'll be one Club member down.
Yes. Killing is always wrong BUT you'll be one Club member down...so the range of compatible games for the average attendance will go UP!
Yes. And the justification extends to people who post fatuous Polls on popular websites too.
Er, I'm scared; can we have something about Gerdts & Uwe again, please?
      185 answers
Poll created by tonyboydell


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