That's What She Said

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An Evening of Woodland Might and Right. And Cheating. And an Asterisk.

Charlotte Malone
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And just like that, it was game night again. Welcome back!

We’ve been off the rotation of late, and have just been collectively choosing games. This week I yelled “Root” louder and faster than anyone else. (Actually, I just typed it. There was no actual yelling. I got some thumbs-up emoji responses and it was decided. I may have over-dramatized.)



But wait! There’s more!



We haven’t played Root since the fall when I was all in love. I’m still in love, it just hasn’t hit the table in a while. I was excited to play again.

We picked factions. Workman, having yet to win with the Birds, wanted to be the Birds. (I hate him, but to his credit, he doesn’t give up.) Leon took the Vagabond and Steve took the Woodland Alliance. That left the Cats. And I really didn’t want to play the Cats. So I took the Lizards.


Check out the sly grin. Just like the lizards you find in the wild.

I have played the Lizards twice in two-player games with the Hubz. In the first game, I barely made a dent in the board. In the second, after I understood what to do, I dominated. I figured I had a 50/50 shot.

The Lizards are a weird faction, but they are thematically amazing. They collect everyone’s discarded cards each round to create a Lost Souls deck. They go through the Lost Souls deck at the start of each turn and determine what suit (bunnies, mice, or foxes) was the most often discarded. That suit becomes the outcast suit and is the focus of all the Lizard actions that turn. (Sound like any cults you know?) Also, any Lizards who die defending in battle become acolytes, which can perform more powerful actions than the standard actions. (Again, very cult-like, yes?) I love how thematic all the factions are, but the Lizards seem particularly clever.

There’s something else about the Lizards:


Ironic, don’t you think?

They hate Workman. I mean Birds. They hate Birds. They can’t use bird cards for their main actions. And guess who drew a whole grip of bird cards to start the game?

While I struggled to get a hand of cards I could use, Workman and Steve and Leon got busy earning VP. Workman took the early lead, but they all stayed very close for the most part. Then Steve and Workman started getting a solid lead. Steve shit sympathy all over the board and Workman avoided turmoil pretty impressively. It was neck and neck for a while.


Posting this, I realize we should have played on the winter side of the board. Because winter.

Workman got to 24 and was about to fall into turmoil. Steve had a monster turn and got eight points all at once to win handily. He commented that he’d played the Alliance a couple of times before but this was the first time he really knew what he was doing.


I love the adorable little mice meeples. Spoiler alert: too bad they’re lying, cheating, sons of bitches.

As we were boxing up the game, I checked the rule book because it seemed odd to me that Steve had amassed so many points on that last turn. And it seems that he had misplayed. He was taking an action he could only take in an unsympathetic clearing and he had done it in a sympathetic clearing. Umm-hmm. Well, no worries. He could have easily moved to an unsympathetic clearing and done it. Same diff. Then Leon picked up the Alliance faction board and discovered that Steve wasn’t supposed to have more than one sympathy token per clearing. Umm-hmm. Then Workman read the faction board and discovered something else he had misplayed. So yeah, this was the first time he really knew what he was doing. Good game.


Obligatory adorable card art pic. I mean a mouse? With a crossbow? I can’t even.

And if you’re wondering how well I piloted the Lizards this game, well....I won’t be threatening any of the major world religions any time soon I don’t imagine. I got five points. Five. I hate those damn birds.

After Root, we played two games of Cockroach Poker. Steve yelled “YOU’RE DUMB!” when Leon got stuck with a card, and I could not stop laughing. So we yelled it every turn. Because we’re just hilarious. And guess who wasn’t the fucking loser in either game? Yeah. Me. That’s who. First fucking loser was Steve. Second fucking loser was Leon. Fun times.


I only got stuck with three cards in game one. Three!! I’m so good at this game now. I may never fucking lose again.

After La Cockerelle, we played Love Letter. And I fucking won that too. What a night I was having!! (Minus the five point debacle of a performance in Root. I mean, not counting that of course.)

And then we played the obligatory two games of High Society. Workman won one, Steve won the other. (We think. We haven’t checked the rules.)

And then it was over. Another game night in the books. It was a fun one. Even though Steve cheats.

Check back next week for more cheating and insults. And until then....thanks for reading and happy gaming. And YOU’RE DUMB!
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