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How Gamers Eat Breakfast
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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One of the most interesting bits about a weekend's game convention in a hotel is the daily pleasure of sharing the breakfast room with a variety of board gamers. And, even though they have no board or counters in front of them, based on my skilled observations I can tell what sort of gamers they are. This list is based on my carefully acquired knowledge.
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1. Board Game: Caylus [Average Rating:7.86 Overall Rank:39]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW EUROGAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Arrange breakfast into interesting geometric shapes. Count your baked beans. Count your opponents' baked beans. Work out if your baked beans are superior to the other baked beans. Trade a few baked beans with your neighbour for a piece of black pudding and move the salt shaker to your side of the table.

Eat a tiny piece of bacon. Eat a tiny piece of egg. Eat a single baked bean. Eat a tiny piece of sausage. Eat a tiny piece of bacon. Eat a tiny piece of egg. Repeat this whole cycle exactly 21 times. Complain that you didn't finish your breakfast.
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2. Board Game: Arkham Horror [Average Rating:7.35 Overall Rank:199] [Average Rating:7.35 Unranked]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW AMERITRASHERS EAT BREAKFAST

Admire the shape of the bacon and how pleasingly the eggs evoke the real nature of a chicken. Discuss the merits of the mushrooms enthusiastically and imagine with your buddies an exciting underground kingdom where little men push mushrooms into the earth while rearing bacon-producing pigs and wage long and bloody wars against the mutant chickens. Power-up your mushrooms by fortifying them with slices of tomato and upgrading the bacon to Canadian bacon.

By the time you've finished all this, it will be 11:30am, your breakfast will be cold, and you won't have eaten any of it.
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3. Board Game: Storm Over Stalingrad [Average Rating:7.15 Overall Rank:1628]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW WARGAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Calculate the distance to the breakfast buffet and whether you have line of sight to the orange juice by using a bit of string. Look up the calorific values of fried eggs and scrambled eggs in a 1400-page manual listing the calorific values of all foodstuffs eaten between the years 1998 and 2016, before deciding to go with the one that gives you the most energy. Discuss at length the hotel's description of Eggs Florentine in the menu and whether it would be the same Eggs Florentine that you had in a different hotel 26 years ago. Propose an amendment to the section about 'spinach' that would be more acceptable.

Wait for your dining partner to drop a bit of food on the table and then punch them.
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4. Board Game: Dungeons & Dragons: Castle Ravenloft Board Game [Average Rating:6.99 Overall Rank:549] [Average Rating:6.99 Unranked]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW RPGers EAT BREAKFAST

Eat breakfast apparently normally but while all the time maintaining the illusion that you are different person, sitting in a different restaurant, during a different period of history, eating dinner. Order wine from invisible waiters and complement the duck, even though there is no duck.
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5. Board Game: 1830: Railways & Robber Barons [Average Rating:7.81 Overall Rank:142]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW 18xxERS EAT BREAKFAST

Go out somewhere expensive for breakfast. Work out how much you can afford. Work out how much everyone else can afford. Work out whether you could stop someone else eating breakfast by buying it first. Wait patiently for someone to buy two-thirds of the breakfast you want and then buy the other one-third and offer to split it 50-50 with them.
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6. Board Game: Dreadfleet [Average Rating:7.00 Overall Rank:1654]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW MINIATURES GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Decorate your breakfast elaborately with ketchup, mustard, brown sauce and mayonnaise. Take photos of it and write a short recipe book with variants to upload to a breakfast fan site. Get legal action threatened against you by the company that made the sausages.

Put your breakfast carefully away in a dedicated briefcase and never eat it.
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7. Board Game: Treasure Hunter [Average Rating:6.85 Overall Rank:1234]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW FAMILY GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Spread a slice of toast with butter. Spread a slice of toast with jam. Spread a slice of toast with marmalade. Spread a slice of toast with Marmite. Spread a slice of toast with pesto. Spread a slice of toast with pate. Roll a d6 with coloured faces. Eat that colour of toast.
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8. Board Game: ZÈRTZ [Average Rating:7.31 Overall Rank:434] [Average Rating:7.31 Unranked]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW ABSTRACT GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Drink some coffee and pop some vitamin pills. Pretend you've had a real breakfast.
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9. Board Game: HeroQuest [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:542]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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HOW DUNGEON CRAWLERS EAT BREAKFAST

Lift the first lid of the breakfast buffet. Try to act surprised that there's bacon in there. Stuff your mouth with as much bacon as you can. Lift the second lid of the buffet. Try to act surprised that there are eggs in there. Stuff your mouth with as many eggs as you can. Die of a heart attack before getting back to your table.
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10. Board Game: Riff Raff [Average Rating:6.99 Overall Rank:1106]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW DEXTERITY GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Pile your plate high with a huge wobbling mound of breakfast ingredients and try to carry it back to your table while hopping on one leg backwards. Throw bread rolls at your opponent's breakfast trying to knock as much possible off their plate before they've finished eating.
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11. Board Game: Magic: The Gathering [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:147] [Average Rating:7.44 Unranked]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW CCGers EAT BREAKFAST

Order a regular breakfast. Pretend you are going to eat a regular breakfast and make a bet with your neighbour that your breakfast is just as good as his.

After he accepts the bet, take out some gold leaf and black truffles that you bought at huge expense last week. Sprinkle them liberally on your breakfast and remind your neighbour of the bet he just made.
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12. Board Game: Pandemic [Average Rating:7.67 Overall Rank:61]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW CO-OPERATIVE GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Tell everyone else around the table exactly what they should eat to maximise their metabolism and cholestrol levels, based on your extensive experience of eating breakfast. Watch proudly as everyone else eats the breakfast they didn't want in abject misery. Propose that next time somebody ought to suggest eating something else rather than listening to you.
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13. Board Game: SeaFall [Average Rating:7.06 Overall Rank:1141]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
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HOW LEGACY GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Order exactly the same as yesterday but ask the waitress to swap out your white toast for wholemeal toast. Get excited about the fact that you are eating a completely different and radical breakfast from yesterday's.
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PJ Cunningham
United States
Greenfield
Ohio
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HOW KICKSTARTER BACKERS EAT BREAKFAST

Get super-excited about breakfast beforehand. Rate it a 10 on BGG. Rush into the restaurant the minute it opens to get "early bird" seating. Pay in advance for 2 breakfasts. Say how much you hope blueberry pancakes are on the menu. Wait. Look at the menu. Complain loudly when the blueberry pancakes on the menu don't look like you wanted them to. Wait. Complain about "breakfast exclusives". Wait. Wait. Wait. Finally get your breakfasts at lunchtime. Eat one, sell the other on eBay.
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15. Board Game Publisher: BoardGameGeek
PJ Cunningham
United States
Greenfield
Ohio
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HOW BGGers EAT BREAKFAST

Order enough breakfast to get free shipping (don't worry, you'll get around to eating it all some day). While waiting for your food to arrive, make a top 100 list of your favorite breakfast foods. Argue about whether bacon is a "gateway food". Create dividers for your food out of foamcore. When finished eating, take photos of the leftovers and write a session report.
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16. Board Game: Friday [Average Rating:7.25 Overall Rank:279]
PJ Cunningham
United States
Greenfield
Ohio
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HOW SOLO GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Order breakfast according to its difficulty level. Insist on having four place-settings at your table; alternate using each of them in turn order. Randomly determine which type of food will give you heartburn. If you don't get heartburn, tell everyone you "won breakfast".
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17. Board Game: Unpublished Prototype [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:1932]
PJ Cunningham
United States
Greenfield
Ohio
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HOW GAME DESIGNERS EAT BREAKFAST

While entering restaurant, discover crumpled note in your pocket with hastily scrawled breakfast idea from months ago. This sounds interesting! Cut menu into pieces to make a crude mock-up of your breakfast idea on your plate. Convince others at the table to try eating your mock-up, then rearrange pieces based on their feedback. Repeat seventeen times until the serving staff demands that you place your order. When your brilliant breakfast plate comes, realize the person at the next table over had the idea before you did. Doh!

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18. Board Game: Monopoly [Average Rating:4.42 Overall Rank:13754] [Average Rating:4.42 Unranked]
PJ Cunningham
United States
Greenfield
Ohio
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HOW NON-GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Order Lucky Charms. Shoot a weird look at your gamer friend when she orders something other than a kid's cereal. "Is that anything like Lucky Charms?" Roll your eyes while your gamer friend explains how her breakfast is kinda like Lucky Charms, but WAY better. Agree to try a bite of your gamer friend's breakfast, just to get her to shut up about it. Smile politely, then go back to your own familiar food. A week later, call your gamer friend to ask if she has any other breakfasts you can try.
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19. Board Game: Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective: The Thames Murders & Other Cases [Average Rating:7.85 Overall Rank:56] [Average Rating:7.85 Unranked]
PJ Cunningham
United States
Greenfield
Ohio
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HOW DEDUCTIVE GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

What is for breakfast? My dear friends, do not be offended when I say the answer should be obvious even to you. It must not be sausage, for you will note that the chair at the next table was tipped aside in haste as its previous occupant fled for the bathroom after just a few bites of the undercooked meat passed off as links in this establishment. Nor must we order toast, for it is plain from the miniscule black scrapings scattered nearby that this restauranteur has a propensity to blacken it's bread to a distressing degree and hide the crime under a thick layer of butter. Eggs, then you may say, but you would again be wrong. The calendar on the wall has the initials E.F. (no doubt Evesham Farms, the local dairy) penned on every other Thursday, including tomorrow, meaning the eggs on hand have reached the limit of their edibility and now border on the dangerous. Therefore, in the absence of any other possible alternative, the answer must be bacon.
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20. Board Game: RoboRally [Average Rating:7.15 Overall Rank:295]
Bern Harkins
United States
Buffalo
New York
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How AIs eat breakfast

Put serving of:

eggs
sausage
waffles
toast

on plate.

Cover serving with:

butter
syrup
marmalaide
salsa

.

Add side of:

grapefruit
muffins
head cheese
Cheerios(tm)

.

Confiscate all proteins from your plate as "breakfast balancing mechanic".

Try your bacon.
Achieve true sentience.
Deliberate whether or not mankind deserves to survive.

Decision:

Screw it. Go back for more bacon.


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21. Board Game: Ultimate Werewolf: Ultimate Edition [Average Rating:7.16 Overall Rank:558] [Average Rating:7.16 Unranked]
James Clarke
United Kingdom
Caithness
Scotland
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HOW HIDDEN IDENTITY GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Work your way blindfolded through self service, adding unseen food items onto your plate.

Join your colleagues at the table and try to work out what they're having for breakfast.

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22. Board Game: Love Letter [Average Rating:7.32 Overall Rank:173]
Demetri Ballas
United States
Durham
North Carolina
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HOW MICRO-GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Order an entire English breakfast. Place half a forkful of each food into a to-go bag. Throw the rest of the food in the garbage and loudly claim that your leftovers have replaced English breakfast.
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23. Board Game: Apples to Apples [Average Rating:5.95 Overall Rank:2663] [Average Rating:5.95 Unranked]
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HOW PARTY GAMERS EAT BREAKFAST

Pick one person to be the "Eater". The Eater names an ingredient, and everyone else orders a meal that includes that ingredient. The Eater then picks their favourite, and eats it, while the person who chose it also gets to have a bite. Continue until everyone has had a turn at being the Eater, and then keep going because "we're all having so much fun!" even though you've already eaten every dish on the menu twice.
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24. Board Game: Opus-Dei: Existence After Religion [Average Rating:6.03 Overall Rank:8215]
3 days until Summer!
United States
Mansfield
Texas
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WHEN RSP FORUM POSTERS EAT BREAKFAST

Table of four orders the same egg.

Patron 1= My egg is better than all of yours.
Patron 2= My egg came first. Thus is the truer egg.
Patron 3= I don't believe eggs exist. They are simply pre-evolutionary chickens so the fact you order eggs means you are not enlightened.
Patron 4= I protest the fact that we all ordered eggs at the same time, however I felt my egg should have come first since it was a better choice and your eggs have not proven themselves.

Patron 1= Did you know you can only eat unfertilized eggs.
Patron 2= Ewwwww. If fertilized though- is it male or female. When does it become a chicken and why label it as a male or female.
Patron 3= You are still calling them eggs. They don't exist.Idiots.
Patron 4= I feel wronged.

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25. Board Game: Rommel in North Africa: The War in the Desert 1941-42 [Average Rating:6.80 Overall Rank:7472]
Bern Harkins
United States
Buffalo
New York
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How Grognards eat breakfast

Read the menu the night before. Laminate a copy for each diner.

Check blood sugar.

Eat an entire plate of bacon. Feel guilty, get some grapefruit. And more bacon.

Discuss how scrambled eggs are not as firm and appealing as they were decades ago. Decry nutrition shakes as "Not really breakfast".

Check blood sugar.

Check line of sight to buffet table with a laser pointer, even though everyone at the table already agrees.

Consult wall charts on calorie and content information. Memorize combinations. Make own chart, and offer to share.

Decide the chart definitions of "servings" are for people half your weight, thus allowing you to have more bacon. Everyone agrees to this house rule.

Check blood sugar.

Surreptitiously conceal some crumbs in beard. You know... for later.

Chase kids off lawn.


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