It won't be easy. But it can be done.
- Hardy har-har me mateys, welcome to Loot Island! Arrr!
- What kind of accent is that supposed to be?
- It's a pirate-y kind of accent. Clearly. I said “arr” and everything.
- But we're not pirates. We're some kind of socialite adventurers in the early 20th century.
- What kind of accents do we have then?
- I don't know. We probably say “oh my”, “gosh” and “cricklefizzits” a lot.
- Oh my.
- There you go.
- Nevermind. This is Loot Island. The place that we have gathered on to do what men and women of our station do best!
- Enrich ourselves on the backs of the working class!
- No, the other thing.
- Steal things off some foreign island and get rich by selling them to a museum.
- I love stealing things! What should I carry off first? Bags of gold? Ancient amulets? Tomes of forgotten knowledge? Give me! I want to be rich!
- Not so fast. See, this place is called Loot Island because in its deep and grubby soil, pirates of yesteryear hid their most cherished treasures.
- Not to question the wisdom of people who are long dead, but why bury it on an island that is named after what you're hiding? Why not bury your loot at, say, Empty Island? Or Nothing-but-dry-grass-and-a-volleyball Island? If you really don't want people to set foot here, just call it Poetry Slam Island!
- Ah, you see... Loot Island has a secret. A terrible, terrible secret. All who set foot here and attempt to take something off the island are cursed to die! CURSED I TELL THEE!
- So, you're saying a bunch of pirates left their most treasured possessions on this island, which puts a deadly curse on anyone that tries to take them off it?
- I think I might have figured out why we don't hear much about pirates these days.
- Don't worry, that's all in the past. We're modern people. We don't believe in curses. Therefore, they're not real. That's just basic science! But we have parts of some old treasure maps, which point the way to gold, jewels and so much more. We just need to arrange them in an orderly row...
- Hence the numbers on them.
- Right you are. If we can get enough of those map pieces down, we have narrowed the location of the treasure to recover it.
- So we just lay down any cards of the same colour?
- No, it has to be in ascending order.
- Because when we eventually sell that treasure, we will ascend into a new tax bracket back home. And to make it a bit easier, they also form a map for you to gaze and marvel at.
- Right. Hence those star icons on some of those cards.
- Actually, those are wild in that you can always add them to the row. Since they show only celestial constellations, it doesn't really matter when you add them. First card, fourth card, last card. It's all the same.
- I don't have to play them consecutively, right? As long as the card I play isn't lower than the one in the row, I should be fine.
- Quite. Also, whenever you add a piece of a map to a landing you leave your mark on it. In form of a compass. That you stack. Above the row of cards.
- Seems straight-forward. Play one or more cards of the same colour onto a landing, leave your compass. That sounds unusually light. Easy. Shallow, even.
- That's how they get you, you know? Come join our little game. It's easy. How tactical could it be? How much depth could such a tiny little box hold?
- The way you phrase these questions seems odd. Are you trying to tell me something?
- Yes, I am. I'm trying to tell you to come back next time to learn more about the hidden depths of Loot Island.
- Oh, cricklefizzits!
Loot Island is a medium-to-light card game for 2-5 players. Designed by Aaron Haag, it will be released at Spiel 2017 in Essen by What's Your Game.
Georgios Panagiotidis is host, writer and editor at the Perfect Information podcast. A board game podcast full of inappropriate humour and appropriate amounts of swearing.
/|\ Roland /|\
Not to question the wisdom of people who are long dead, but why bury it on an island that is named after what you're hiding?
Of all the funny stuff in this passage, this sentence had me actually laughing out loud at lunch, to the sudden shock of nearby restaurant patrons.
Subbed your podcast on my Windows (yes) Phone!
Frankfurt am Main
Just in time for Pirate day (19.09)