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Subject: How to Deal With Quitters rss

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jos horst
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curtc wrote:
hojoh wrote:
I once played a game of chess with a nephew. He was losing. He did not resign but said he really didn't feel like playing on. After we cleared the board he suggested we play another match. Not sure he or I considered it a punishment, but I laughed really hard, and said no.

Why? Resigning in chess is actually legal, and commonly done. Why would either of you want to continue a game where one player concedes rather than play again? That's really bizarre to me. Maybe he didn't understand that "didn't feel like playing on" means resigning? (unless he means pause, which doesn't sound like what he was saying)

Did you read what I wrote?
 
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Cassandra Thompson
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cymric wrote:
My son (nearly 6yo) has over recent weeks developed a much stronger notion of winning and losing and will go into major sulk mode whenever he doesn't get his way. I don't play to lose either (although I will handicap myself if the balance is genuinely, insurmountably off), so he has to earn a victory.

I haven't yet figured out what I'm going to do with this, but here's a few things I am doing atm: Whenever he suggests a game now, I make absolutely certain that losing may hit him too. I always present a clear choice during the game: either he stops sulking, mans up and continues, or we all quit there and then and he can go do something else without me; and no, that may not be something on my phone, nor on the TV. When I lose, I show how I deal with that *)—monkey see, monkey do. I point out that under certain circumstances he has already won the game, even if everything goes my way from that point onwards, thus making it appear as though I'm certainly going to win.

I suppose it's part of growing up, and beginning to realise that a game is not just an activity of going through some odd-looking motions. Which suggests that kind reinforcement of desired behaviour is, as per usual, the correct way of dealing with quitters.



*) I throw a temper tantrum, and fling pieces all across the room, of course meeple.



Similar things in my house (and a similar approach from me. I play to win, but handicap for balance, such that I am as likely to win as my 6 or 8yo).

I have noticed that certain games seem to be more about winning than others. I also find that a game in which we play 3-4 quick games (e.g. Sleeping Queens is a better choice than a much longer game in which their is only time for one winner per session. It doesn't mean that they will get a chance to win that night (sometimes the 6yo just cleans us all up), but it does take the desperation away.

I also don't mind a coop game to balance it out too (because then we are all in it together).

Otherwise I have strangely found that emphasising the wins/losses helps. When my 6yo became the first person to beat me at Sushi Go, we were all so excited for her, she became somewhat legend. It made it easier for my 8yo to lose, I think because of the acknowledgement that beating mum is really hard (at least in the harder games).


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Cassandra Thompson
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GeoffreyB wrote:
One of my nephews is 5 and the other one is 10.


As others have said, you are expecting too much of them. You need to adjust your thinking to allow them to grow bored and leave...

Even with several attempts at rule modifications for younger kids, I have not managed to get my 6&9yo engaged in a game of Risk for much longer than it takes me to set up the pieces. It is a game for teenagers who already have some basic math and strategy skills up their sleeves.

At 5yo my kids reliably dropped out of games after 5-10min, we just rolled with it. She turns 7 next month and is a hardcore little gamer now (At a 7yo level of course).
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Same as others, boardgames are not really for children ! Before 7, make-believe is way more natural to them, playing under rules restriction is something that needs to be learned. It takes time. So be gentle and play short and easy games at first, going longer gradually. Accept that they can be bored by games.
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Simon Ng
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I wouldn't make them play through the entire game to drag it out, but I would at least explain to them that quitting is not the right way to handle the situation, it might be hard to explain, of course, to the 5 year old, but definitely for the 10 year old, no need for a lecture though

I would also make the distination of quitting due to boredom is different, at least to me, to quitting due to losing. Kids being kids, quitting due to boredom is 100% in my books, but if it's quitting due to losing, then I would have a gentle word with them about it, but probably don't make a fuss
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The Redheaded Pharmacist
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If he didn’t quit that game of Risk you might still be playing it.
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Rich Keiser
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So, so many iiiinnnnnteresting moral puzzles, quandaries, and philosophical questions posed by the OP.

https://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/browse/region/1?usernam...

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The OP rated Risk a 7 and his review reads as this: "Fun game to slap down your siblings or nephews in but sometimes too predictable the outcome."

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Stuart Holttum
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Incredibul wrote:
The OP rated Risk a 7 and his review reads as this: "Fun game to slap down your siblings or nephews in ...


If that is a true reflection of the way he was playing with his nephew, then I think the nephew's polite withdrawal from the game was actually the mature response....


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Paul Campbell
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JoshBot wrote:
IMHO a 5 y.o. should not be playing any game that has any possibility of going longer than 20 minutes, and even that may be optimistic....


In teacher training, we use the guide that the attention span of the average kid is one minute per year of age. So a 5 y.o. should have a 5 minute attention span. That's a sweeping generalisation and all kids are different but, in this case, it might be something to consider.
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Jonas Emmett
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"Unlike work, which needs some detachment and ought not to be taken too seriously, games need to be played with the utmost seriousness and dedication." - Bruno Faidutti
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MontyBell wrote:
JoshBot wrote:
IMHO a 5 y.o. should not be playing any game that has any possibility of going longer than 20 minutes, and even that may be optimistic....


In teacher training, we use the guide that the attention span of the average kid is one minute per year of age. So a 5 y.o. should have a 5 minute attention span. That's a sweeping generalisation and all kids are different but, in this case, it might be something to consider.


That explains why I'm already on BGG at work at 8:38am.
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Juan Valdez
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Mike Robel wrote:
When I read the title I thought it said QUILTERS. I would say carefully the have sharp tools. Let them by material like you buy war games.


My mom's quilting material collection blows the doors off my wargame collection, and that ain't puny.
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Roland D
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MontyBell wrote:
JoshBot wrote:
IMHO a 5 y.o. should not be playing any game that has any possibility of going longer than 20 minutes, and even that may be optimistic....

In teacher training, we use the guide that the attention span of the average kid is one minute per year of age. So a 5 y.o. should have a 5 minute attention span. That's a sweeping generalisation and all kids are different but, in this case, it might be something to consider.

And to accept it or get frustrated or frustrate the kid and have no gaming buddy in future.
At the beginning it was also hard for me to understand this behavior of my kids. But if you can deal with it, the benefit is, each year the time span get´s longer
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Gen Li
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You can't fix poor parenting with a one-contact interaction.

Set ground rules early on that you need to play through to the end. That way, kids know what they're signing onto.

That said, Sorry is a miserable excuse for a game, and Risk is a great way to put kids off gaming for life.
 
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Gen Li
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MontyBell wrote:
JoshBot wrote:
IMHO a 5 y.o. should not be playing any game that has any possibility of going longer than 20 minutes, and even that may be optimistic....


In teacher training, we use the guide that the attention span of the average kid is one minute per year of age. So a 5 y.o. should have a 5 minute attention span. That's a sweeping generalisation and all kids are different but, in this case, it might be something to consider.


Not accurate at all if the attention is not being coerced but is a decision the child is making.

A 5-year-old will play Minecraft for four hours straight. Trust me.
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Alex
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I think some folks are being a little too hard on the games the OP tried out. I played both as a kid, enjoyed them, and ended up becoming a pretty big gamer. Remember that those games became popular for a reason -- even if many of us didn't like them, or don't like them anymore.

It will always be tough to know which games to try out. I'll never force my 6-year-old to sit through a game she finds boring. That's like forcing a kid to sit through a dull movie. And let's face it: Few kids' games would be truly wrecked with the departure of a player.

That said, as she gets older I'll let her know that some games will fall apart if she withdraws -- and so she'll need to show consideration and stick with it.
 
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Stuart Holttum
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newsguy wrote:
I think some folks are being a little too hard on the games the OP tried out. I played both as a kid, enjoyed them, and ended up becoming a pretty big gamer. Remember that those games became popular for a reason -- even if many of us didn't like them, or don't like them anymore.


Me too - BUT, and it's a big but, there was so much less choice back then, both for games and for leaisure in general. For me, at that age, there were three TVs channels, no home computers or electronic games, no dvds....a game of vanilla risk was probaby one of the more exciting choices of the day.

But today, those games are very poor contenders for attention. I think we - and perhaps the OP more so - need to realise that despite the rose-tinted hindsight, they are NOT the games to pull kids into the wonderful world of gaming today.
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Jeffrey Allers
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newsguy wrote:
Remember that those games became popular for a reason -- even if many of us didn't like them, or don't like them anymore.


Well, they became popular back when there were not many alternatives, and then they stayed popular because big game publishers wanted to keep cashing in on their licenses and put enough marketing muscle behind them so that consumers continue(d) to believe that there still aren't many alternatives.

That said, I too played Risk and Sorry variants (with marbles and dice) growing up, and while it didn't hurt me, I wish I had known about those alternatives sooner!
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