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Subject: Tons of games from storage, will sell it all rss

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Ed Williams
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Edit- Hi, sorry, they deleted my original post, but I try yet again. Sorry for getting all emotional below, yay PTSD...

----
I am broken, my mind melted on April 23rd 2017 after 23 years at UPS. I have severe PTSD, and since the meltdown, have been operating at about a 12year old level... i was management, when I got home after 7 days in mental health ward at the VA on lockdown, I found ups and Aetna denied my disability, because I served in combat almost 30 years ago...

They terminated my income and my healthcare, (RETROACTIVELY to last day worked) claiming my ptsd was caused by combat, which is just false, I got it from a messed up childhood full of every abuse you can imagine, from 6mo old to about 16... While I was in crisis, and didn't have the capacity to even understand, they denied my claim, and all appeals, which Aetna "guided" me thru... Almost 2 years later now, my brain is coming back.. i remember most of it, i probably need a lawyer honestly, but, again, brainpower needed... meh

I used to own Top Shelf Games, see logo, I lost biz, house, wife, etc in 09. Ex ended up with biz, and gave me boxes of new games from our inventory. I stuck them in storage.

I had 37k in debt when my brain broke, it's down to 36.6k because it took 17 months, to drain my savings. This debt is crushing, I don't see how I can continue even the min payments. I'm out, nothing else to sell, or do. But, my games... I have so many, I'll get a list going..

On the flip side, just got home, and ring ring, State of Oregon calling about my mom, they haven't been able to reach her for dsys, so they're sending a nurse to check on her.. poop.

If anyone knows of any veteran programs that help people like me, who fall apart in the prime of their career, with no way to dig out, well, let me know

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Ed Williams
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Re: So, BGG just deleted my thread stating im trying to sell games
Fyi the mod killed it all, even the suggestions y'all gave me. Can someone please resend the foundation name? I'm stunned.
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Ed Williams
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Re: So, BGG just deleted my thread stating im trying to sell games
I'm trying to find my voice on Twitter, I can be found there, RealEdwilliams in a blink of the eye I went from positive optimistic, to, calling crisis line. Think about that again, when did I ever offer to sell anything? I was asking for ideas! Desperation brought me here, I am not trying to scam people, Jesus, that stopped when top shelf games died. A little online store Humor, rough crowd...

Fyi getting rid of my hundreds of games is NOT a friendly idea, it's scary as hell, but, I'm tapped, financially, emotionally, physically.. I have tried for almost 2 years to dig out from under crushing debt, while dealing with suicidal thoughts, continuously, and being at about 12 year old intellect. The first question my docs always ask: do you feel like harming yourself or others today? Pfft, i am stunned. I gave money to this site, as a business, 10+ years ago, i supported bgg in eveything they did back then, i saw great promise for you, and it still has an awesome user base, and to you people, is grog still here? I say thank you for your words, even if they are deleted.

I should have hit print screen, I want that foundation name
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Pete R.
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The grace of Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.
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Re: So, BGG just deleted my thread stating im trying to sell games
God bless you Ed and thank you for your service! I’m a fellow vet here too and I can tell you honestly, you will not find better people on the internet than here on the Geek. There are rules, and with the crowds it can seem impersonal but once you get the hang of things, it is very smooth operating. If I can help you out let me know. This is the best place to trade games and the marketplace is the best place to sell games. Don’t take the shutdown personal - happened to me a few times!
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Ed Williams
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Re: So, BGG just deleted my thread stating im trying to sell games
Comments appreciated handful of anxiety meds in, full body sweat still going, yes, drink lots of water, I have lost 10 pounds in a day before, from this, and, the kicker, I'm diabetic, so that itself is always life threatening. 2 trips 2 ER in past week, as these attacks are remarkably similar to strokes and heart attacks...lol my life just sux.

I keep wondering if I have a limit, to how much I can take... so I ramble a lot, I know, over my 50 years of abuse, which started when my mother abandoned us 5 kids, when I was around 6mo old. Then enter foster homes, 14, group homes, 2, st Mary's home for troubled boys, 2 years, and, my dad entered my life at about 1, and that started the rapes I endured until about 6, then I was beginning my journey of being beaten, and enslaved by my last foster home, 2 years there... I buried it all, as an adult, made it 23 years at ups.. tmi I know, but, it has less power over me every time I say it. Apologies.
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Pete R.
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Re: So, BGG just deleted my thread stating im trying to sell games
pdx1elw wrote:
Comments appreciated handful of anxiety meds in, full body sweat still going, yes, drink lots of water, I have lost 10 pounds in a day before, from this, and, the kicker, I'm diabetic, so that itself is always life threatening. 2 trips 2 ER in past week, as these attacks are remarkably similar to strokes and heart attacks...lol my life just sux.

I keep wondering if I have a limit, to how much I can take... so I ramble a lot, I know, over my 50 years of abuse, which started when my mother abandoned us 5 kids, when I was around 6mo old. Then enter foster homes, 14, group homes, 2, st Mary's home for troubled boys, 2 years, and, my dad entered my life at about 1, and that started the rapes I endured until about 6, then I was beginning my journey of being beaten, and enslaved by my last foster home, 2 years there... I buried it all, as an adult, made it 23 years at ups.. tmi I know, but, it has less power over me every time I say it. Apologies.


That's no light load Ed - but you have persevered! I encourage you to do as you say and talk to professionals. Gaming should help you with some of that stress and talking about games, trades, etc. should be fun. I'm not diminishing your truths, I just hope gaming can help you enjoy the day a little more. All the best!
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Ed Williams
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Re: So, BGG just deleted my thread stating im trying to sell games
Here are the boxes lol oof my back

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Nate
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I believe you're looking for the Jack Vasel Memorial Fund: http://www.jackvasel.org/

I'll message you the details in case this gets deleted. I hope you are able to find some help - PTSD is a tough illness but there are people who can help you. I've heard the VA in Portland is a good one, maybe they have some support groups that can help? Even if the trauma occurred before your time in service, they have wonderful services there.

Regarding selling things here - if you just take photos of what's for sale, I'm sure someone can help put together a geeklist for you on the auctions section (found here: https://boardgamegeek.com/forum/24/boardgamegeek/geekbay). Probably the quickest way to make money.

Best of luck, and I hope things turn around for you!
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Ed Williams
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YellowJack wrote:
I believe you're looking for the Jack Vasel Memorial Fund: http://www.jackvasel.org/

I'll message you the details in case this gets deleted. I hope you are able to find some help - PTSD is a tough illness but there are people who can help you. I've heard the VA in Portland is a good one, maybe they have some support groups that can help? Even if the trauma occurred before your time in service, they have wonderful services there.

Regarding selling things here - if you just take photos of what's for sale, I'm sure someone can help put together a geeklist for you on the auctions section (found here: https://boardgamegeek.com/forum/24/boardgamegeek/geekbay). Probably the quickest way to make money.

Best of luck, and I hope things turn around for you!


<rant>
Yes, that was it! And good morning! I love and hate sleep, hate because of the nightmares and the sweating, love it cuz sometimes the sleep cycle reboots my brain, and I feel pretty great upon waking. Just woke up, I feel good, hopeful, no hate waiting in my inbox from trolls, yes, trolls suck but no trolls lately. (Risks of taking your story to the masses sigh)

I contacted them last night, their initial form to fill out is daunting, I couldn't get thru it, just, overwhelmed by paperwork even, hence my situation worsening because I cannot manage my outcome in this state. Burn got some written and sent, we shall see if they contact me.

I'm hoping they understand and can help, I will provide them anything they need, no response back yet, it's early... I have Therapy today, those sessions just drain me, I come home and usually just sleep or huddle in a dark room... tomorrow is another appointment at VA, I'll get more done tomorrow.

Gah this is difficult to admit, I have zero friends, they all bailed, with my help of course, but, they won't come back, long gone.. same for my family, they are basically ignoring me, nobody has visited me in almost a year, and, well, outside terrifies me still... still learning what triggers me, and sometimes it feels like everything outside or on the tv is a trigger...

My former gf, whom I was living with for 4 years prior to break, is letting me stay with her as I, um, recover, but I tell ya, that too is on my mind, I am quite literally one step from homelessness, hoping she doesn't change her mind, I live on eggshells every day, kind of in fear that today is the day I piss her off and she gives up on me.. I know I know.. I can't stop those thoughts, I've ttied..... scary thoughts invade constantly.. jesus, I was am a strong man, it's so frustrating to not be able to finish small tasks, when my entire career i was a rockstar IT guy, 23 year career at UPS, 2 years until retirement lol I could fix anything for anyone, and now, I can't even fix myself. Irony?

I share a lot, too much some would say.. my therapist says this is actually therapy, even Twitter, the more I talk about a thing, the less power it has, yeah, still waiting on that, and then there's just me going around making everyone uncomfortable with my rantings.. I do feel for you, I'm assuming most just block me, to not have to feel uncomfortable, I get that.. if mental health makes you uncomfortable, I get it, it makes me uncomfortable too

</rant>
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Ol' Skool

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Ed, while I was (and still am) interested in your post because of games, I wanted to mention that if you need help finding treatment I could direct you to a few places. I designed a number of partial hospitalization programs and will soon have a residential center to treat PTSD at the mental health hospital where I work (I am a psychologist). I am not saying you would have to come to one of my programs but if you needed help I could look for legitimate places closer to you. It’s not easy to find reliable experts sometimes.
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Rich Keiser
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Ed,

Just PM'd you. At your convenience, feel free to reach out to me.

Sincerely,
Rich
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Ed Williams
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ocdspectrum wrote:
Ed, while I was (and still am) interested in your post because of games, I wanted to mention that if you need help finding treatment I could direct you to a few places. I designed a number of partial hospitalization programs and will soon have a residential center to treat PTSD at the mental health hospital where I work (I am a psychologist). I am not saying you would have to come to one of my programs but if you needed help I could look for legitimate places closer to you. It’s not easy to find reliable experts sometimes.


Hi sorry, hadta take a break, the world reached up and consumed me, again... Sometimes I just need to stop adulting for a few days...

I am in a CPT program thru VA (cognitive process therapy) but after 3 months still in intake, we may back out and go into a more extreme program that deals with just getting a handle on the attacks I keep having. I plod on, thru the VA since my work terminated my actual health care, and income, almost 20 months ago..

Now I just need to go open some boxes and see if these games will sell.. and figure out how to do that.. baby steps

Thank you though
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Ol' Skool

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pdx1elw wrote:
ocdspectrum wrote:
Ed, while I was (and still am) interested in your post because of games, I wanted to mention that if you need help finding treatment I could direct you to a few places. I designed a number of partial hospitalization programs and will soon have a residential center to treat PTSD at the mental health hospital where I work (I am a psychologist). I am not saying you would have to come to one of my programs but if you needed help I could look for legitimate places closer to you. It’s not easy to find reliable experts sometimes.


Hi sorry, hadta take a break, the world reached up and consumed me, again... Sometimes I just need to stop adulting for a few days...

I am in a CPT program thru VA (cognitive process therapy) but after 3 months still in intake, we may back out and go into a more extreme program that deals with just getting a handle on the attacks I keep having. I plod on, thru the VA since my work terminated my actual health care, and income, almost 20 months ago..

Now I just need to go open some boxes and see if these games will sell.. and figure out how to do that.. baby steps

Thank you though


Wishing you strength during this time. Offer remains open. CPT is one of the most researched therapies. There are others if you don’t get enough benefit.
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Ed Williams
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Thanks I am failing miserably on the games.. so much going on, roomie is selling her house so, that on top of everything lol I will try again this week to go thru the games
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Ed Williams
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My apologies to all.. I am finding this process incredibly difficult.. I don't expect many to understand, but, I get about 5 minutes in to most activities, be it, emptying the dishwasher, folding clothes, hygiene, driving, etc, I call it "adulting"... then the anxiety attacks begin.... I keep trying, because when they hit, over almost 20 months of this, they are physiologically getting worse, and, now my heart is becoming involved, the last month, ending in ER trips..

The VA doesn't give anything for these big anxiety attacks, so I'm left to find a dark room, and wait it out. Sometimes it's hours, sometimes days...

So I need to shelf this for a bit. I was at the VA yesterday, meeting with a social worker on my debt.. I have too much debt for them to help lol

The social worker was annoyed, not at Me, at the system, and he said there is simply no mechanism in place to help me financially, as I have been keeping up on my minimum payments(17 months to drain my savings, that was 2 months ago) and, they have no program to pay even a portion of any of my debt. This is just getting silly, they need me to be utterly destroyed, to help, really? Not sure I survive that long?

So, he gave me all the resources, big book, for when I DO become homeless, and credit counseling was offered. Lol it isn't a "spending problem" I was quite good with my money, the problem is my income was removed, and my debt was not. And, my company declined my mental health disability claim, and all appeals, another issue not for here, sorry.

People keep telling me to start a Gofundme. I have a hard time with thus, I tried gfm in mid 2017, but I eventually deleted it. It helped a little, it was about 1800, it paid bills and gave me a nice meal (omg I miss good food) but it just feels like begging and well, here I am again almost..

Every program I've gone to says basically the same thing, I'm in a weird place, not quite homeless yet, not quite bankrupted YET(AUG 2019 IS WHEN THE DIVORCE Bankruptcy will come off my record and I can, if needed, do it again) I'm eating my roomies food, she got stuck with me on April 23rd 2017, when my brain melted. She just bought me some new underwear.

The system is basically making her, a friend, responsible for me, so, I have to ruin her life now too? My family poofed long ago, turns out my father also raped several of them, when we were kids. This kinda explains how they have treated me thru life, they blame me. No biggie, I blame me too... oh, dear old dad died years back, I was trying to address this with him, then he, he died, left forever unfinished, denying it all... pfft

I loved this community, y'all were fun.. So, the gofundme thing,before I go down any path, you all are probably the smartest community of people I can lump into one beautiful big group, should I start a Gofundme? If yes, could someone take on that mantle? Or, I guess my other option is to leave y'all alone lol sigh.. crap.. this is getting lengthy.

On a positive note, I did find new in shrink Highway to the Reich (third edition) Highway to the Reich, from 2008, AND my personal fave, and my baby: Axis & Allies Anniversary Edition Axis and Allies anniversary edition. One of the originals, I never even opened the box it came in from distributor, it was in back of closet. Those 2 are among the best of my huge collection. If my brain was working I'd do an auction for each lol hmm I should just hit send, and go take my meds lol blah, I'm so sorry you had to read that
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Ed Williams
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Social worker pointed me to apply for food stamps. I applied, shock, I met requirements. Gave me a book called Street Roots...cool little pocket book, tons of resources for IF I were homeless, food, clothing, shelters, etc... sigh... Merry Christmas I feel like my reality is creating awkwardness, where ever I go on the internet..... If so, imagine it on my side lol take care.
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I take B12. Other B vitamins are also important, but B12 really helps with stress.

Magnesium keeps palpitations at bay. If you've been stressed for a long time, you're likely low. Just be aware that it can affect your digestive system.

I'm looking forward to see what games you have.
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Ed Williams
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Taking a break for now, everything I post here lately gets deleted, sorry, my mind is failing at following rules I didn't know about... don't mention a Gofundme, anywhere, that's just bad. Ah well, it still exists, and it started getting donations overnight, it lifted my spirits at least

I'll be back after holidays, just too depressing to see my words constantly deleted..... I'll be over at Twitter for now
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Tim Park
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One vet to another, hang in there, brother.
I have come across a bunch of programs that help vets in need, I will try and dig some that have been recommended and come back with them.
Here is a list, though: https://nvf.org/veteran-resources/

If your county has a vet rep, check with them... mine is aces at helping apply for stuff, informing me about programs and requirements.
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Ian S
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Hi Ed
It's ok to share your thoughts, fears and anxieties.

It's also ok to accept that you haven't failed, despite what you might think society is saying.

Mental challenges can be especially brutal and the sense of helplessness can often be paralysing. Recovery can be a long journey, of seemingly tiny little steps and littered with set-backs, but those little steps will eventually cover a lot of ground. You'll have to address some major demons along the way, but hopefully this allows you to eventually address them properly, with the support that assists this. In doing so, that may well give you stronger foundations than before.

I don't know if this would help, but I was alerted to it by one of the people this TV show covered (Horizon is a long established 'serious' documentary series). I encountered David through a wine forum, and he does have his website 'Elitist wine review' as an outlet that gives him a chance to interact with society, when face to face is utterly frightening.

https://ihavenotv.com/why-did-i-go-mad-horizon

Regards
Ian



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Mindy G
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Hi Ed, I'm so sorry to read this and hope things will get better for you. If you don't already know about it, we have a dedicated geeklist for selling things in Portland, which might be a good way for you to start, maybe just putting one thing up at a time and not feeling like you have to go through your entire collection and do it all at once. Anyway, it is here if that helps: https://www.boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/146056/portland-or-vi...

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Ed Williams
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Hi, sorry for delay my brain seems to be working much better lately, although I'm probably a ways off from returning to work lol that being said, I started selling my collection on eBay this week, first game sold yesterday, and then I realized omg why am I not using big marketplace?!

Then I read this, so, I'll see if I can get some listed here..

I hate divesting of my collection, but, my credit score just entered the 400s, and, UPS still denies my disability claims, looking into ssdi next, crossing fingers! I get $879/mo from VA disability check, a far cry from my manager income, but, it is what it is... more to come
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Hope you get everything figured out!

Couple thoughts...

Definitely try to sell here rather than eBay. 3% fee vs 10% there, plus eBay includes the shipping in their fee calculation, too! If you sell a lot, that can add up. You could try doing an auction here.

You said you get $879 a month from the VA. You're right, that isn't much. But have you thought about moving? Portland has a high cost of living. If you could move to another part of the country, you might find that $879 will go further.
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