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Battleground: Crossbows & Catapults War Chest Starter Set» Forums » Sessions

Subject: War is Hell rss

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Michael Erb
United States
West Virginia
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This is a game session that occurred with me and my boys the day after Christmas in 2009. I had received the game and several expansions as Christmas gifts after they went on clearance at Toys R Us. I started to write this account shortly after the game was played, then forgot about it. I recently found the unfinished document and decided to complete the narrative. Though embelished for fun, the actual in-game play and conversation is pretty accurate. - ME

The great Orc King surveyed the battlefield. His troops were digging in, loading their much-feared catapults and crossbows, hiding behind hastily fortified walls but staying within launching distance of the great war machines.

Though it was winter, the air around him was warm and the grass beneath his feet felt more like shag carpet than icy tundra. Nearby his young orcish son, only 3 winters old, flitted from machine to machine, anticipating the battle to come.

Across the field the young knight commanded his troops, arranging his own fortifications. The Knight, probably no more than 8 winters himself, grinned eagerly at his troops and plotted his victory.

The battle would be long and glorious, the Orc King thought to himself, one sung about by bards at campfires and taught to young orcs in sch...

The catapult fired.

"Not yet!" the Orc King roared to his son. "We're not ready yet!"

The Little Orc just giggled.

"Hey! Stop it!" the Knight called from across the field. "I'm not ready yet!"

"That's what I told him!" the Orc King called as another spinning disk of doom lept from the catapult and bounced across the battlefield, rolling into a one of the knight's troops and knocking him prone.

"That didn't count," the Knight said, setting his compatriot back on his feet.

"Fine, let's start now then," the Orc King said. With a burning glance he kept the Little Orc from launching yet another volley from the catapult. Instead, the Orc King took his time, commanding his troops to carefully line up the orcish crossbow, sighting in the Knight's center tower. If the tower fell, the enemy too would fall.

The Orc King smiled his wicked smile. Time to rain fire upon those who dared oppose him.

"Fire!" he roared.

The disk fell off the end of the crossbow.

"That's your turn!" the Knight called. "No do-overs!"

Now the Knight fired his crossbow, the broad disk bouncing along the shag-like tundra and rolling past a pair of huddled orcs.

"Let me try that again," the Knight said.

"No do-overs," the Orc King said.

The orc catapult fired suddenly, without warning, and a cat ran squaling from the battlefield. The Little Orc giggled.

The battle a blur of spinning disks and slapped foreheads. There were few casualties as both sides struggled to line up their weapons. Gradually, though, their accuracy improved, and the Knight honed in on his opponent's fortifications.

Another whirling disk smashed into the orcish fort, but still the gates held.

"Not fair!" the Knight called. "I hit you like three times! You're dead!"

"No I'm not!" the Orc King called back. The wall next to him collapsed, destroying several troops. The Little Orc tried to look innocent.

"I killed those guys," the Knight called. "Those are my points."

War has a way of making the soul weary and the bladder full. The Orc King longed suddenly for the quiet solitude of his bathroom, but dreaded the destruction his unsupervised orcish son might do in his absense.

Another wall fell.

"Stop that!" the Orc King shrieked at the Little Orc, who in return kinda shrugged.

A wild shot flew from the Knight's catapult, arcing high above the battlefield and bouncing off of a glass lamp with an audible 'tink.' All combatants froze.

"Sorry," the Knight said. "Sorry."

Fearing the inevitable awakening of a great and much more dangerous beast, the Orc King decided to offer a truce.

"How about a truce?" he said.

A fired disk bounced off his shoulder.

"Sorry, what?" the Knight said.

"A truce! Stop firing!" the Orc King cried.

"Fine, then I win," the Knight said.

"Bubby always wins," the Little Orc pouted, then knocked over the last wall, crushing two orcs.

The Orc King sighed.

War is Hell.

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Andy Miller
United States
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I played the hell out of this as a kid and scooped up all the bits when they were on clearance. Now I have the wait for my sons to grow up as one is 1 1/2 years old and the other will be born summertime! The agony! It makes me want to dope them with HGH or something so we can get the game on! In the meatime I'll settle for some vicious bouts of Peek-a-boo and the hillarious "fall on Dad" game! Thanks for the story!
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